Advice About Sharing Trauma Diary Appreciated

[Stormy Eagle]

Last night I sent off my cover letter and trauma diary to 8 family members and 2 very dear friends; 6 of the 8 family members are on my mother's side...two are cousins on my father's side, that I haven't seen for 28 years but recently found through facebook.

So far I received that beautiful letter from cousin steph (my mother's cousin), and a telephone call from Aunt Judy, my mother's sister, who was equally kind and supportive - I am relieved since I wasn't sure if she would have an alliance with my mother (who is still gaslighting me).

I will keep you all posted. Thank you soooo much for your support!

Anna-Lisa

 

[ClairBear226]

Wow. I'm still stunned. You obviously do not belong to my family. Good for you. It's really nice to hear there are functional people in the world that can respond with love and compassion. Who knew? ;)

 

[Marie E.]

I am truly happy that you have your cousin there for you!

 

[shadowchaser]

I'm so happy to hear all the good responses you are getting.

 

[shadowchaser]

I wish I could do this. Every time I try to talk to my family about what happened and what is going on in my head they tell me they don't need to hear it and get over it. I have one family member who cares.

I really do love hearing about others with families who at least try to understand. It lifts my spirits.

 

[maddog]

Wow!!!

I think I am quite lost for words.

What you did took enormous courage, and you have been blessed with a level of support and empathy that I could never have comprehended... actually, I still can't. Could I please come and join your family?

Please don't think I am minimising or dismissing your past experiences with that comment either, only that you obviously have both extremes of humanity in your biological connections - true brutality, and greatest compassion. I'm glad to know the latter are still possible, and exist in a family in which they are so needed.

Wow, this has stunned me...

Maddog

 

[Srain]

I'm so very happy for you (((((((((((Stormy Eagle))))))))))) :)
It's so great to hear when family members are willing hear things out and be supportive. I'm grateful you have this kind of support because you do deserve it, always!

Peace,
Rain

 

[Stormy Eagle]

I received a note from my Aunt Sue yesterday morning...she's the wife of my mother's brother. I sent the trauna diary to her and not to him because I had her e-mail address, because I thought we were close, I thought she really cared about me, and I figured she would share it with my uncle.

Well, she might as well have said, "Why the f*** are you annoying me with your problems, screw off." I haveI have added the note below, in it's entirety; as you can there is total apathy in her words...

I hope that by sharing these feelings you have found
some relief and comfort that will give you the strength to get good professional
help (she knows I have been seeking professional help all my life!). May it be the beginning of the healing process you are looking for so you can see a brighter future.
Love, Aunt Sue

Thank you all for your kindness and support.

Anna-Lisa

 

[Sandra]

Sorry to hear that one didn't go as well as the other one. But you took the chance of hoping for the better but didn't turn out that way. Some people just don't know how to deal with problems. Or some just don't want to face the truth either so they run and hide from it. Sad for their sake. Just keep your thoughts on being more positive. Even though that can be very difficult. Hugs for you Stormy Eagle.

 

[Stormy Eagle]

I received another beautiful e-mail today...I was very relieved about this one because after I sent my trauma diary out to about 10 people, I realized I sent it to my the e-mail account of my cousin's husband, who I barely know, not my cousin. I was concerned that she would send me a letter wondering why I didn't send it directly to her...but she didn't. I wanted to share their beautiful letter with you, my friends and support system...

I shared your email with Alli, and we are replying to you together. We were so sorry to read about all of the terrible things you endured as a child. We can't imagine the pain and suffering you have experienced. It's courageous of you to share such personal details and memories. We hope that in doing so, you feel more understood by those around you.
We love you and hope that over time you will be able to rid yourself of any shame you have been made to feel about things that were done to you -- beyond your control and without reason -- over so many years. We wish only the best, healthiest, and happiest moments for you going forward.
It was wonderful to have you at the wedding. We are so glad you were there with us. Hopefully we will see you at Thanksgiving in Westport. It's always more fun when you're around! :-)
Love,
Sahar and Allison

 

[ClairBear226]

Gotta tell ya - you'd never see anything like that come out of my family in a million years. I know "congratulations" sounds a little odd - but I'm happy for you. (((HUGS)))

 

[Stormy Eagle]

I had another positive response today, from my mother's cousin Barbara. I was unsure about sending it to her because she has brain cancer (in remission) and seem to isolate herself for the most part. I didn't know if she was too depressed or too sick to be bothered with my life, but I know she and my Aunt Judy talk very often and I haven't heard anything about her cancer returning, so I decided to send it. I'm glad I did, she was the first to share her experiences with me...

I'm sorry that you've had such a rough life. I know I always enjoy
talking to you at family gatherings, and have never thought the things
you say you worry that the family thinks about you. I didn't think of
you as a loser, or that you functioned differently than any of the
rest of us. I definitely didn't think that you chose to have your own
problems. (Who chooses their own problems? No one!) All of us (and I
mean all people, not just all of us cousins) have an assortment of
neuroses and weaknesses. You have raised a beautiful, amazing
daughter, and that alone is proof of your value. People can have a
hard time coping with what life throws their way; that doesn't make
them losers.

As for keeping people from getting to know you, lest they discover
that you're really worthless - I can identify with that very strongly.
I always used to feel that way. I was in therapy for over ten years,
and I think it probably took at least 5 before I stopped having that
feeling. (Have you ever looked up "impostor syndrome" by the way? Not
exactly the same, but plenty of overlap.) It was tough to get over
that feeling. I remember the first time I followed my therapist's
orders and brought myself to say something to someone, rather than
just retreat into my shell, I thought I'd have a heart attack. Really.
I remember one time, I couldn't even ask a cashier for a different $5
bill because the one she gave me was all ripped. Had the cashier said
no, I would have felt physically ill. I was that fragile. Now it
seems like that was a different person, I have changed so much. And
you can too!!

I hope that having sent around this letter, you feel like a big weight
was lifted off your shoulders and you can now be free to re-invent
yourself as you'd like yourself to be. You're still young and have
many years ahead of you.

Love,

Barbara