FlameTachiku
Silver Member
oK Deep breath,
Many on this forum are way more involved in the healing process than I am. I am trying but it is baby steps. Just reading at first made my stomach turn and my insides drop like a roller coaster. Then I got to a place I could read more. Then started posting. So, that is an example of little steps. I am still medicated, I still avoid triggers, isolate when possible, and push myself out the door.
If anyone has followed my posts, I was in a car accident that triggered symptoms but the trail lawyers and invasion of my space and privacy really set me off. I had to step down from my job about 6 months ago. I took 2 months off, then negotiated a position with a large contracting company. The position was 32 hours, flexible, with travel, but I enjoyed it. Then I covered a building for someone on vacation who later left her position. My contractor put me in the building because they needed help and it is 32 hours, about. But then it was 40 hours and they need a manager. The building client wants me to stay and if possible manage.
This is a ok career move, good experience, good benefits. Yet, since I push myself out the door I don't spend a lot of money. I have a house payment, basic bills, and one huge medical bill. But, things are ok. I need to save for retirement which should have been a bigger priority years ago. So, the extra would go to that and medical bills. Not much to get excited over but important.
As you can see I can not spell-dyslexia. Managers do more paperwork. I live in a medium size community. But a limited number of people have my qualifications within this community, meaning my peer group is small. Any mistake or MH issues could limit options for future employment. The new job involves computer work (a change) with a complex company program. My computer training was back in the days of 8086's, and kaypro, with word perfect being cutting edge (first home use computers).
My concern is that the position requires me to be there. Who knows when the next accident will be or whatever elses sends me to complete la la land. I can do the job but it will be more difficult to hide if I get fully triggered. I am good at my job and others generally don't see my symptoms. But I have a lot of down time when I get home. I strickly monitor my outside stress level. Of course, the job has more stress, and responsiblity. I am already low management and this would be mid-management. Not a big deal, except the hole-what about the future part.
Again, while I function well on my job. Six months ago I did not function at all. No memory, no concentration, no sleep, trembling, sadness, and loads of unwarrented fear. But, this job is in a small building, I get along with the team (about 30 people). In my field this is small and many would not consider it, as it is not lime light ambitious work. But, in my world well I have a bit of a headache. You know what I mean?
If you took the time to read this THANK YOU! If you have advice well I did put this off and morning is comming soon.
Flame
Many on this forum are way more involved in the healing process than I am. I am trying but it is baby steps. Just reading at first made my stomach turn and my insides drop like a roller coaster. Then I got to a place I could read more. Then started posting. So, that is an example of little steps. I am still medicated, I still avoid triggers, isolate when possible, and push myself out the door.
If anyone has followed my posts, I was in a car accident that triggered symptoms but the trail lawyers and invasion of my space and privacy really set me off. I had to step down from my job about 6 months ago. I took 2 months off, then negotiated a position with a large contracting company. The position was 32 hours, flexible, with travel, but I enjoyed it. Then I covered a building for someone on vacation who later left her position. My contractor put me in the building because they needed help and it is 32 hours, about. But then it was 40 hours and they need a manager. The building client wants me to stay and if possible manage.
This is a ok career move, good experience, good benefits. Yet, since I push myself out the door I don't spend a lot of money. I have a house payment, basic bills, and one huge medical bill. But, things are ok. I need to save for retirement which should have been a bigger priority years ago. So, the extra would go to that and medical bills. Not much to get excited over but important.
As you can see I can not spell-dyslexia. Managers do more paperwork. I live in a medium size community. But a limited number of people have my qualifications within this community, meaning my peer group is small. Any mistake or MH issues could limit options for future employment. The new job involves computer work (a change) with a complex company program. My computer training was back in the days of 8086's, and kaypro, with word perfect being cutting edge (first home use computers).
My concern is that the position requires me to be there. Who knows when the next accident will be or whatever elses sends me to complete la la land. I can do the job but it will be more difficult to hide if I get fully triggered. I am good at my job and others generally don't see my symptoms. But I have a lot of down time when I get home. I strickly monitor my outside stress level. Of course, the job has more stress, and responsiblity. I am already low management and this would be mid-management. Not a big deal, except the hole-what about the future part.
Again, while I function well on my job. Six months ago I did not function at all. No memory, no concentration, no sleep, trembling, sadness, and loads of unwarrented fear. But, this job is in a small building, I get along with the team (about 30 people). In my field this is small and many would not consider it, as it is not lime light ambitious work. But, in my world well I have a bit of a headache. You know what I mean?
If you took the time to read this THANK YOU! If you have advice well I did put this off and morning is comming soon.
Flame
