richard_Grey_Area
Bronze Member
Hey.
If you are reading this then you have probably gone through something, if you haven't then you probably care a lot about someone who did and them going through something counted as you going through something.
To put it simply, you probably see yourself as a kind of victim.
Well, hate to break it to you, but often the worst atrocities are committed by people who have been through things and who see themselves as victims. Carl Panzam, Adolf Hitler, name almost any monster you you will find someone with a story of how they were hurt.
And you, and me.
We could be those monsters - so can women (I know this first hand)
But it's time to be strong - strength is something men like associated with masculinity, so this time embrace the gendered stereotype and be strong. Don't let what happened to you or to someone you care about force you down a path which ends in you looking in the mirror and seeing a monster, or you being the cause of someone else being traumatised and hurt for life.
Think about self respect and think about how you interact with women.
To put things very blatantly, at their crudest, a physical relationship between a man and a woman will go in either of 3 ways.
1) the will have sex when she wants to
2) they won't have sex
3) he will rape her
I am sick of reading about women who were raped by "friends" - please guys, I appeal to you, if your interest in someone is only in having sex with them, don't go the "we'll be friends and then I will change your mind" route. Respect women and for god's sake, respect yourself, you don't need to sneak around.
So yes, you might have a friend and develop different sorts of feelings for her over time - that happens to me often. The truth is that it happens to women too.
But they don't let you know because of the kind of men who fake friendship as a way of getting into women't pants (with consent or not).
You can let a woman know that your feelings have changed, but don't make it sound like "you owe me sex" - maybe tell her "I loved you in one way and I still do, but my feeling for you have grown" or something which makes it sound like you love her more and don't expect something different from her.
When and if a woman wants you, she will let you know (provided she hasn't been so hurt that she feels she can't or that there is something wrong with her).
And please, if your girlfriend/wife/lover who you have had sex with before says that she doesn't want it, she means that she doesn't want it now, not that she doesn't want you.
Please respect yourself and respect men, masculinity, being male - If you do that, you won't ever feel the need to "prove you are a man" - this can be particularly prevalent among men who have been through things, they feel that their "manliness" has been stolen and they need to get it back. Well, you don't need to convince the world by having sex X number of times and telling everyone about it - that doesn't make you "a man", that makes you someone trying too hard. If you're hitting your head against a wall and it hurts, you don't have to convince the world that hitting your head against a wall is ok, you only have to stop. Similarly, if you want to depussify, you don't have to convince the world that your a big silverback gorrilla and not a little bitch, you just have to stop being a pussy.
Best thing you can do is to stop trying to show that you are a man and respect yourself for being one.
If you're going to have sex, let it be because your love the person you are having sex with or because you want physical gratification, not because you want to feel better about yourself or because you want to tell someone about it so they will think you're a man and not a little bitch.
It's not a game you're trying to win, it's not a competition or a way of showing that you are ok. If you need to prove that you're ok, you probably aren't.
Just seriously, be honest with women about what you want from the beginning and be honest about how you feel. The result of this is that (even if it is only to a small degree), women will start to be more comfortable talking about when and how their feeling change and that my friends will be better for all of us.
I am talking to you about this, not because I think you are a rapist, but because I know that if you are here, like me, you are someone who has been through something or someone you care about has and that changed you. If you are here, then like me, you feel that there's something wrong in your life or with you. And it is easy to become obsessed with that to the point where you don't see that you are damaging people around you.
That's my recommendation to you, to stop looking at "a man" as someone who has sex X number of times, as someone who "conquers". Look at being a man as being strong enough to value love, trust and care above your physical and psychological needs, look at being a man as being secure enough to be honest and not needing to lie and cheat your way into someone's pants, look at a being a man as being someone people can look up to, can feel safe around.
If you want sex more than a friend, let the woman know that although having sex doesn't mean you can't be friends, that's what you want. Don't use emotional blackmail or intimidation (there are types different to physical intimidation) and respect yourself enough to walk away.
that's my advice, if you have anything you feel you want to add, please do so, I am happy to hear from you.
If you are reading this then you have probably gone through something, if you haven't then you probably care a lot about someone who did and them going through something counted as you going through something.
To put it simply, you probably see yourself as a kind of victim.
Well, hate to break it to you, but often the worst atrocities are committed by people who have been through things and who see themselves as victims. Carl Panzam, Adolf Hitler, name almost any monster you you will find someone with a story of how they were hurt.
And you, and me.
We could be those monsters - so can women (I know this first hand)
But it's time to be strong - strength is something men like associated with masculinity, so this time embrace the gendered stereotype and be strong. Don't let what happened to you or to someone you care about force you down a path which ends in you looking in the mirror and seeing a monster, or you being the cause of someone else being traumatised and hurt for life.
Think about self respect and think about how you interact with women.
To put things very blatantly, at their crudest, a physical relationship between a man and a woman will go in either of 3 ways.
1) the will have sex when she wants to
2) they won't have sex
3) he will rape her
I am sick of reading about women who were raped by "friends" - please guys, I appeal to you, if your interest in someone is only in having sex with them, don't go the "we'll be friends and then I will change your mind" route. Respect women and for god's sake, respect yourself, you don't need to sneak around.
So yes, you might have a friend and develop different sorts of feelings for her over time - that happens to me often. The truth is that it happens to women too.
But they don't let you know because of the kind of men who fake friendship as a way of getting into women't pants (with consent or not).
You can let a woman know that your feelings have changed, but don't make it sound like "you owe me sex" - maybe tell her "I loved you in one way and I still do, but my feeling for you have grown" or something which makes it sound like you love her more and don't expect something different from her.
When and if a woman wants you, she will let you know (provided she hasn't been so hurt that she feels she can't or that there is something wrong with her).
And please, if your girlfriend/wife/lover who you have had sex with before says that she doesn't want it, she means that she doesn't want it now, not that she doesn't want you.
Please respect yourself and respect men, masculinity, being male - If you do that, you won't ever feel the need to "prove you are a man" - this can be particularly prevalent among men who have been through things, they feel that their "manliness" has been stolen and they need to get it back. Well, you don't need to convince the world by having sex X number of times and telling everyone about it - that doesn't make you "a man", that makes you someone trying too hard. If you're hitting your head against a wall and it hurts, you don't have to convince the world that hitting your head against a wall is ok, you only have to stop. Similarly, if you want to depussify, you don't have to convince the world that your a big silverback gorrilla and not a little bitch, you just have to stop being a pussy.
Best thing you can do is to stop trying to show that you are a man and respect yourself for being one.
If you're going to have sex, let it be because your love the person you are having sex with or because you want physical gratification, not because you want to feel better about yourself or because you want to tell someone about it so they will think you're a man and not a little bitch.
It's not a game you're trying to win, it's not a competition or a way of showing that you are ok. If you need to prove that you're ok, you probably aren't.
Just seriously, be honest with women about what you want from the beginning and be honest about how you feel. The result of this is that (even if it is only to a small degree), women will start to be more comfortable talking about when and how their feeling change and that my friends will be better for all of us.
I am talking to you about this, not because I think you are a rapist, but because I know that if you are here, like me, you are someone who has been through something or someone you care about has and that changed you. If you are here, then like me, you feel that there's something wrong in your life or with you. And it is easy to become obsessed with that to the point where you don't see that you are damaging people around you.
That's my recommendation to you, to stop looking at "a man" as someone who has sex X number of times, as someone who "conquers". Look at being a man as being strong enough to value love, trust and care above your physical and psychological needs, look at being a man as being secure enough to be honest and not needing to lie and cheat your way into someone's pants, look at a being a man as being someone people can look up to, can feel safe around.
If you want sex more than a friend, let the woman know that although having sex doesn't mean you can't be friends, that's what you want. Don't use emotional blackmail or intimidation (there are types different to physical intimidation) and respect yourself enough to walk away.
that's my advice, if you have anything you feel you want to add, please do so, I am happy to hear from you.
