Again With The Inner Child

[sun seeker]

Suggestions on accepting this alter personality and how to move forward is appreciated. I was going to look up.some writing prompts but feel silly with this whole idea. I must let go....

I also have resistance to the usual type of inner child work. I've done it, but can't seem to commit to it on any regular basis. Sometimes there just doesn't seem to be an adult-enough part of me available to care for the child part flooding me. I've tried all sorts of exercises for this, but I don't stick with them. But I do very much have a sense of parts of me frozen in time at the ages some major traumas occurred, particularly infancy and around age 5.

Writing with my non-dominant hand never worked for me. It did feel like pretending. I'll tell you what does work though: paying attention to my body for one, and... well, I guess I'd call it listening, for another.

The body came first, and it still helps the most. I have different kinds of somatic reactions depending on which part of me is predominant. The infant part especially has very distinctive ways of moving when in a flashback. This part of course is preverbal and doesn't talk. The five year old does. One way I know I'm not pretending is that she "tells" me things (through thoughts that just pop into my mind) I would have no other way of knowing. She takes me by surprise and I wonder "Where did that come from?" and sometimes much later, I piece together the memories and it does make sense.

I think if I felt like I was pretending, I wouldn't stick with it for very long. My advice would be to find a way of communicating that doesn't feel like pretending. When I started really listening and believing, my younger parts started being a lot more communicative. Sometimes now they clamour for attention because they realize they are finally being heard. When you establish communication, you'll know.

One more thing I'll add: Sometimes it helps "prime the pump" if there is another person you can trust to be a safe person for your child parts. I wonder if you have trouble hearing your child parts at first, whether they would agree to talk to your therapist?

 

[Crow]

Haven't read all the replies but wanted to throw this out there. I resisted the idea of "parts" for years mainly because of an abusive DID relationship. But I finally gave in and trusted my therapist. Now I have no issues with the concept and it's accelerated healing.

There was a monster part that kept coming up. Long story short it turned out to be my younger self and my internalized view of my self. When I was able to see the "monster" with compassion, turned out it was a very scared 3 year old me. I've been able to do a lot of healing since.

 

[watundah]

Therapy creates a certain amount of anxiety for me. I realized recently I think it's because I spent years with school psychs, etc., trying to figure out what was "wrong" with me, so I need to launch this on my own. She would love to help me but as some mentioned, it would embarass me. Someday, I hope.

 

[Rumors]

I get it. When my therapist has mentioned that I need to give that little girl comfort, I want to crawl under a table. At first I asked "what little girl" bc I had no freaking clue what the hell he was talking about. Then I said, "I wanna kick that b*tch to the curb and get on with things". He didn't think it was funny. It is a concept that is brutal for me bc I have spent my WHOLE life trying NOT to be that helpless, vulnerable little girl. Now, someone is asking me to acknowledge her and that seems unfathomable. Hang in there!

 

[shimmerz]

"I wanna kick that b*tch to the curb and get on with things".

I think this is what creates the wall between the parts. Makes them 'separate'.

 

[ladee]

@Rumors, I am so sorry for that little girl and you as an adult that knows how she was treated. Will only say that the purpose for me, was to go back and reassure that little girl that under no circumstances would she ever be treated that way again. EVER. That I, as an adult, that she had to learn to trust by the way, would protect her from 'here and now' things, and would love her unconditionally , and love her while she told me the things that hurt her and made her so unhappy. There was finally an adult that was safe. And on some level, I knew until she was able to heal, I would not move much further in my own therapy. The point was, her and I had already lived thru it once, we could do it again, with a healing result this time..
But I do honor your decision....and am sending you energy beneath you wings...

 

[Rumors]

I think anyone that takes on the endeavor to nurture their little self is pretty courageous! @watundah, please know you have my support as you make your way through that journey. I hope it proves to be healing.

@ladee thank you for the kind words. They are comforting and make me rethink how I may handle that topic moving forward.

 

[watundah]

@Rumors, I am with ya, sister. I described mine as an albatross around my neck, my little pocket of pain.

I am seeking out time slots of solitude in the house this week so I can poke deeper. I found some spoken word meditations on line and some articles to read, too.

Thanks again, everyone. It's a lot of positive encouragement that youve given me.

 

[ladee]

@Rumors, Blessings and courage as you try to look at things a little differently.I just know for me, that as an adult, I could no longer perpetuate the abuse by ignoring my little self. She just wanted to be heard. She never was as a child. And now she is... she's quite the little character, I might add !!! How sad for all those that missed that little one...she had and still has , so much joy and love to offer... now she can....
Sending you lots of :hug:'s from both of 'us'.

 

[ladee]

@watundah, how awesome to at least give it a try. Go slow... she won't trust you for awhile. That is normal. Or she may be so happy you acknowledged her, things will go right along... Just very proud of you for starting this post, and being willing to see the possibilities. sending you lots of hugs.

 

[AlmostFellForIt]

I tried last year to talk to my mini me and felt sad and vulnerable but there was no conversation. Maybe I felt her but didn't hear her? I think one problem I have is, is this all pretendsies? Pretend you are talking to your young, hurt self in an effort to comfort one's self? Talk as you would imagine your five year old self would talk?

Sometimes , people focus on the word "child" a little and miss the point. I think the reason child has been brought into it is because it's recognised that 1. This damage occurred when you were a child, and 2. If you talk to your child, you will exercise compassion. If the whole child thing doesn't sit with you, consider the compassion thing for a moment.....You may find there is as much value in talking to yourself and relating to your 'vulnerable self' as opposed to your ' inner child'... The point is compassion... How you get there isn't important.

Anyway, I am to try writing and drawing this week with non dominant hand and hoping Ill get out of my own way. Suggestions on accepting this alter personality and how to move forward is appreciated. I was going to look up.some writing prompts but feel silly with this whole idea. I must let go....

Firstly, again... Start with compassion. Language such as "I must" or "get out of my own way" sounds judgemental and pretty rigid. If you have compassion, this goes out the window.... But if you speak about yourself to yourself or even think in these terms, it kills compassion.


Hope this helps

 

[watundah]

Excellent advice, Almost. I like what you've said here. I did listen to a guided inner child meditation which was basically a visualization exercise and it was a good first step. I have a few other lined up and then will try on my own.