Agoraphobia? - Scared All The Time

[Kunoichi]

Hey,

I'm scared all the time when I leave my home. I'm afraid that my abuser is going to find me and either kill me, rape me or worse. I know that it may not be rational but its to the point I want to quit my job until I can control this. But I also need the money.

For instance, I'm helping out with a fundraiser/walk today for the epilepsy foundation. However, I'm scared that my abuser is somehow going to be there or one of the people from my past that doesn't know what he did to me. (His girlfriend's mom was good friends with me and she won't understand) It is possible she could be there because she is a runner and might come.

I'm really, really scared but I'm trying to go. I can't put a restraining order against him because he really has not done anything that would indicate he is trying to find me.

If you have any advice in this area, I would appreciate it! I will read it when I get back and hopefully I will make it through the entire time. I'm already having a lot of anxiety over this.

Thank you.

Kunoichi

 

[Kunoichi]

Had about 6 times where I started to shake uncontrollably and had trouble breathing. This happened at the walk but I did make it through.

Then at work tonight, I started to feel really scared again, like my abuser was going to somehow pop out and kill me! I know its not rational but I could not help it.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I'm really not sure that you have Agoraphobia. I think that you are just having anxiety, possibly some panic. But you seem to be able to go to work, and walking outside, with no problem, other than the fear that your abuser will show up.

Agoraphobia is a fear of LEAVING your home/safe zone. It causes crippling panic, anxiety, fear, sweating, dizziness, hyperventilating... Some people haven't left their home in years........

 

[Kunoichi]

Ok, so that is good that I don't have that.

It is getting to the point where I want to quit my job. My attacks are getting progressively worse and more frequent. I know it may never develop into agoraphobia and that's great, because I don't want that.

I just keep having attack after attack...and I don't know what to do anymore. Its starting to have a real toll on me (it takes a lot of energy out of me when I have one and then it goes right into another one)...Plus I have nightmares literally every night.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm talking to victim services so I can start therapy. But its to the point where I don't WANT to leave my house anymore...I'm tired and its the only place where my attacks aren't as bad.

I feel bad venting like this. I don't know why. But i do.

Any advice on how to keep going would be appreciated.

 

[Other]

This is definately something to bring up to your therapist if you are seeing one. If you aren't seeing a therapist, you should look into it. They can often provide a lot of information about different techniques to use that help cope with that kind of anxiety.

The first method I tried (I have general agoraphobia - problems getting anywhere outside of my home) was something a therapist told me to do - take a moment to look at your surroundings and absorb them, to reassure yourself that whatever it is that is causing your anxiety is not going to happen. I have had limited success with this - but maybe you will find it useful.

-Other

 

[Kunoichi]

I will try that today Other. Thank you!

 

[Deleted member 541]

It's important if by chance that you do have Agoraphobia, to get outside of your comfort zone EVERYDAY!!!!! Even if only for 5 minutes for a while, then up the time to 6 minutes and just keep going with upping the time and distance away from yo.ur comfort zone

Always remember to ground yourself in the here and now, self talk to keep yourself grounded and to remind yourself that you are safe.

I know it's hard, and anxiety evoking, but you can overcome Agoraphobia with work and patience.....

 

[Kunoichi]

I'm finding that the only time I feel safe at work or any public place for that matter is when my husband is with me.

If he's not there, then I'm terrified!

Is it bad to do that though? Will that make me co-dependent, because I know that isn't really fair for my husband.

I find too that I calculate the possibilities of me being found when i go someplace. Whether its close to where my abuser or someone else I know from that time period, lives.

I get so scared of being found that I pretty much turn down outside invitations places unless my husband is with me and even then, it can't be in certain places or even an entire city.

I don't even know if leaving the state would help, but I'm tempted to do that if it was possible.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I would think that you would become co-dependent on him....We all need someone for something, but in reality we are the ones that have the issues, and we are the only ones that can fix what is wrong with us. Others can help, offer support, but we need to do the work.

There are a few member that had left where they were living and have moved. From what I gather, it has helped them. It might be an option for you to keep in mind.....

 

[flyfish]

I have being seeing a therapist for two years now .trying to stay positive .Your quotes relevant to ptsd helps me alot.