Already In A Triggered State...

[Bubba]

So I'm currently in a triggered state and my husband is being extremely needy (he's feeling insecure because I'm being distant due to my triggered state), which is triggering me even more. In a past abusive marriage with a narcissist - he was extremely needy. So this neediness is only making things worse for me right now. Not sure how to handle this. I don't want to be complete B&*#%, but he's really getting on my last nerve. I can't handle the flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, etc... right now, much less his neediness. Sigh...

 

[Mytime]

I don't know if this would help or if your able too. But write him a letter, tell him how your feeling, tell him how your triggered and what you need from him. Then write him a letter about how you feel about him. Make copies of this letter and give one to him each day. It's giving him something he may need and feel your love. I hope it also helps keep you connected to him. Hope this helps you a bit. Sending support.

 

[Justmehere]

How is he being needy? Does he have any platonic friends he can connect with?

 

[Bubba]

How is he being needy? Does he have any platonic friends he can connect with?

He does...he just wants lots of hugs and me to tell him I love him all the time. Basically he can tell I'm mentally "distant". He can sense I'm disassociating and not all here and he can sense my grumpiness. He thinks it's relative to him even though I tell him it's not. He just came in the room a little bit ago and asked if I was mad at him. I told him no that I'm going thru some crap right now. That the PTSD is really bad. He asked if he just needs to go. I told him he doesn't need to go, but that he needs to just be patient with me. He walked off in a huff and talking to himself. Which now has my anxiety even higher. I hate conflict. Especially conflict that isn't my fault. I wish he would just understand. I can't sit and stroke his ego right now. I can barely handle just being awake. It's so frustrating.

 

[Abstract]

I think he needs counseling. Would he go?

 

[Bubba]

I think he needs counseling. Would he go?

That's questionable...I can barely get him to go to the Dr...not sure if I could get him into a counselor.

 

[Abstract]

What about getting him to join here or buying him a book about ptsd and being in a relationship with someone with it?

 

[Bubba]

Yea I've actually thought about that. I've got some good articles saved that I think I will send him. He needs to understand it's not him. And him being pouty and angry isn't going to make things any better.

 

[Justmehere]

That's so tough! Counseling for him would be good and some other connections... so sorry you are both going through this. :hug:

 

[Mytime]

Coming from a supporters point of vew, if he would go to Counseling it would help a great deal. It's hard to watch someone you love pull away from you. It can cause anxiety, all you want to do is fix it. It feels like your losing someone you love. It's very hard on both sides. But it can help if BOTH sides understand how PTSD effects each other. I, myself understand this anxiety. When words tell you, "it has nothing to do with you but the action of being pushed away feel different, it can be hard and confusing. Showing anger isn't always about being angry. It can be about, feeling hurt, sad, helpless,ect.
But feeling angry in my opinion is easier. If you go to marriage counselling you can both learn, what is your emotions and actions and what is his emotions and actions.
Relationship are hard to begin with, we pick up on each other's moods, emotions,ect. We deflect on our partner what we feel. I think it happens in all relationships. Don't get me wrong, I understand where your coming from. These are his emotions, he needs to deal with them. But working together and understanding does lessen the stress. Sorry your going through a hard time right now, I hope you both work through this.