Tina ....I am not a counselor or therapist & I am not in any position to help you in depth with this ...but I can & am strong enough to lend you some advice & words of encouragement from one survivor to another. ...Tina, I understand how you feel because I have been there myself & have felt the same feelings you are going through now, but you need to know that nothing is "wrong" with you ...absolutely nothing. What was wrong is what happened to you. I don't know you, but I am sure that you are amazing, talented & beautiful in your own right & have a tremendous amount to give. Tina, don't, absolutely do not allow what your perpetrator did destroy you!!! ...You deserve life, joy & happiness. Life can be very tough, but we survivors have to just take baby steps to get where we wanna go & be where we wanna be in life. If you don't get yourself some counseling & some professional help, & you spiral down into the depths of hell, then your abuser wins ....don't give them that satisfaction ....through counseling you can find the strength to lead a really positive & healthy life, despite what was done to you. You can conquer & prevail, but you need to talk to someone on a professional level. Please don't take your life, you ARE precious. My therapist told me that what happened to you doesn't define you & she was right ...it doesn't define us. You hold on & try to be strong ...& please, please seek a therapist. The trauma that we have been put through is way too much of a burden for us to carry on our own. A counselor is there to help, & they will. You need to hang in there & stay strong & believe that things will get better because they will. ...My thoughts are with you.