nursenurse
Diamond Member
Madmax, you make me laugh, and as always, sharp and to the point.
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Am I Any Less Of A Person For Not Working?
- Post starter Cerulean Synapse
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squeedle
Bronze Member
Wow! Thanks to all of you for your comments. I have been having trouble even thinking about going back to work. I, meanwhile, have been working very hard on my healing with unbelievable success. I finally am finding a good reason to live. I've been waiting all my life for these changes! I need more time to lay a basic foundation so I CAN function, so I can feel alive instead of 80% dead, so I want to keep living. Please pray that I can find a way financially through this. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Hmmm....thought I responded to this thread before, but don't see my post. Anyway, it could have been one of my "others." As for me, I get a lot of flack from everyone. Lately it has been a real bone of contention because in addition to working on my own mental health issues and SSDI claim, I am now helping my brother with his. He is wheelchair bound diabetic who can't do for himself in a lot of ways. Long story short, he went about six months without insulin and is now pretty helpless and his day to day care depends mainly on me.
What get's me is one of my biggest detractors earns less on his retirement at almost 70 years old than I will in taking SSDI at 47 when I first filed. Of course, I'm considered the stupid one in the family and can't put two and two together to see that I have earned more in a shorter amount of time than the biggest A-hole in my family. My father acts like I am some welfare mother who hasn't worked since she was 14 years old and had to go disabled at 47 from a job that paid 36K a year. My mother thinks I'm not doing enough to take care of HER chronically ill son AND her other fully functioning and favored daughter. My boyfriend hates the whole system, so he has a bad taste in his mouth about me drawing what I paid into since before I ever DIDN'T graduate from high school.
Last night I was feeling pretty low, but, was finally was able to see all the great accomplishments I have achieved with a severely physically and emotionally traumatized brain, and what amounts to an 8th grade diploma. I am truly lucky to be alive and a survivor who has metaphorically climbed mount Everest multiple times in my 49 years.
My proudest accomplishment is my son that has just received his high school diploma and scored his first job. He looks forward to moving south and going to college. My son as met, having been raised by ME, milestones that I could not even comprehend when I was his age. At his age, I was a mess and terrified of the future. No goals, no skills, no hope. My only hope was to find a man to take care of me, or to work a part time minimum wage job.
Today, I am amazed at myself and what a SUPERWOMAN I am. I EARNED my SSDI with every drop of sweat and blood, every punch, every slap across the face, every rape........basically every ounce of effort that I gave to survive insurmountable odds beginning with a two month preterm birth.
I encourage everyone to take stock of your personal inventory of accomplishments and remind yourselves that YOU have achieved wonderful things that many haven't.
What get's me is one of my biggest detractors earns less on his retirement at almost 70 years old than I will in taking SSDI at 47 when I first filed. Of course, I'm considered the stupid one in the family and can't put two and two together to see that I have earned more in a shorter amount of time than the biggest A-hole in my family. My father acts like I am some welfare mother who hasn't worked since she was 14 years old and had to go disabled at 47 from a job that paid 36K a year. My mother thinks I'm not doing enough to take care of HER chronically ill son AND her other fully functioning and favored daughter. My boyfriend hates the whole system, so he has a bad taste in his mouth about me drawing what I paid into since before I ever DIDN'T graduate from high school.
Last night I was feeling pretty low, but, was finally was able to see all the great accomplishments I have achieved with a severely physically and emotionally traumatized brain, and what amounts to an 8th grade diploma. I am truly lucky to be alive and a survivor who has metaphorically climbed mount Everest multiple times in my 49 years.
My proudest accomplishment is my son that has just received his high school diploma and scored his first job. He looks forward to moving south and going to college. My son as met, having been raised by ME, milestones that I could not even comprehend when I was his age. At his age, I was a mess and terrified of the future. No goals, no skills, no hope. My only hope was to find a man to take care of me, or to work a part time minimum wage job.
Today, I am amazed at myself and what a SUPERWOMAN I am. I EARNED my SSDI with every drop of sweat and blood, every punch, every slap across the face, every rape........basically every ounce of effort that I gave to survive insurmountable odds beginning with a two month preterm birth.
I encourage everyone to take stock of your personal inventory of accomplishments and remind yourselves that YOU have achieved wonderful things that many haven't.
I have a lot of thoughts about this, so I will start off by warning readers of this post that it will get a bit ranty!
I have felt the same way - that I am 'less' of a person because I can't work - for most of my life (in earlier years, it was going to school). I've been pushed to work even though working and being unable to work has made me either have breakdowns or feel like a non-person for being unable to work; and yet the mindset remains, if you cannot work for a living, you are somehow a drain on society.
This has made me change my viewpoint on things. Are we only worth things if we earn money? Is that all we are - money-making machines? Is money really the only point of life, or is it more important that we function as people first and foremost?
At this point, I'm very much anti-capitalist. I think capitalism raises us to value the dollar (or equivalent of such depending on where you live) before the person. You are only worth your income, and if you have no income at all, you are worth nothing. If you cannot function enough to have a job... work anyway! Die trying! And everyone will push you to work regardless of what that does to your mental state, because they think it's more important to make money than happiness (they are actually, often, the same thing in people's minds).
Personally, I believe in a society where we are allowed to focus on our happiness and health before earning money. There's no point to a society where people are not valued.
So... I still feel like I am worthless due to being unable to work sometimes, especially when pushed by people. But I go back to knowing that money isn't what makes me important. I have inherent value just from being a person.
I have felt the same way - that I am 'less' of a person because I can't work - for most of my life (in earlier years, it was going to school). I've been pushed to work even though working and being unable to work has made me either have breakdowns or feel like a non-person for being unable to work; and yet the mindset remains, if you cannot work for a living, you are somehow a drain on society.
This has made me change my viewpoint on things. Are we only worth things if we earn money? Is that all we are - money-making machines? Is money really the only point of life, or is it more important that we function as people first and foremost?
At this point, I'm very much anti-capitalist. I think capitalism raises us to value the dollar (or equivalent of such depending on where you live) before the person. You are only worth your income, and if you have no income at all, you are worth nothing. If you cannot function enough to have a job... work anyway! Die trying! And everyone will push you to work regardless of what that does to your mental state, because they think it's more important to make money than happiness (they are actually, often, the same thing in people's minds).
Personally, I believe in a society where we are allowed to focus on our happiness and health before earning money. There's no point to a society where people are not valued.
So... I still feel like I am worthless due to being unable to work sometimes, especially when pushed by people. But I go back to knowing that money isn't what makes me important. I have inherent value just from being a person.
I love it!
OutofTouch
New Here
Work.
Unfortunately I too could not understand why some relatively healthy looking individuals begged on the street corner when basic labour opportunities presented themselves. I was guilty of what many people in society are still guilty of, that being that they truly do not understand mental illness. It took me 4 years after being clinically diagnosed with anxiety/depression to finally accept it. I went on and off medications and felt that I should not have to continue all my life. After a bad reaction to prozac and reading horror stories of meds gone wrong, I've abstained.
I was still working, albeit just part-time and never wanting to go full-time. But then I lost my part-time job and others factors in life went bad and now I never want to go back to work.
Of course, the majority of society does not understand. If you don't work, you're a bum.
Hmph!
I would love to work like I used to. I was quite successful and had a promising future
but my "mind" broke.
Last year, the doctor suggested that it may be "late-onset bipolar"......lovely. So I spent a lot of time adjusting to the reality of my circumstances Spent a lot of time forgiving myself and telling myself it is OK, that there is no blame and that I need to just start accepting myself for whatever I am but wow that is hard. What I do find to be the hardest is the loneliness.
Sure, there are forums like this to express oneself and to hear other peoples' stories but I've had no luck finding that in real life. It was hard enough to find friends before my mind broke but now? Sheesh!
Sometimes I wish I was physically disabled. That way people would quit referring to my athletic build as a reason why I shouldn't be dysfunctional. My ups gets me into fitness, my downs puts me in bed and gets rid of what I worked out for. Too bad exercise can't cure mental illness.
Back to this "work"
It's too bad that our society not only sees work as a measure of a person BUT we also work to get more than what we need. So much so, that we go in debt to afford what we don't need. What is wrong with society that we can't just work enough to provide the basics and then just quit working? Of course, I am referring to people whose wages are way above the poverty level. I had a great upper middle class wage. But then realized that all the material wealth wasn't making me happy OR my mental illness overshadowed any success in my life.
Was it my jumping on the merry-go-round of our materialistic world of work that caused my alleged "late-onset bipolar"? Maybe, Or maybe my condition pushed me to strive for the distraction. I could never relax when I was young unless I put in a blistering 2 hour workout 6 days a week. People say meditate? Wish I could and I don't consider this unmotivational depression very relaxing. I am babbling.
I don't want to work anymore but the "other" people who do not work are not very desirable people to hang out with. And anxiety hardly promotes socializing.
People say that grass isn't greener elsewhere. I wonder. I wonder if maybe my geographic location is part of the problem. Are there other areas where the community has better opportunities for those that cannot work?
Unfortunately I too could not understand why some relatively healthy looking individuals begged on the street corner when basic labour opportunities presented themselves. I was guilty of what many people in society are still guilty of, that being that they truly do not understand mental illness. It took me 4 years after being clinically diagnosed with anxiety/depression to finally accept it. I went on and off medications and felt that I should not have to continue all my life. After a bad reaction to prozac and reading horror stories of meds gone wrong, I've abstained.
I was still working, albeit just part-time and never wanting to go full-time. But then I lost my part-time job and others factors in life went bad and now I never want to go back to work.
Of course, the majority of society does not understand. If you don't work, you're a bum.
Hmph!
I would love to work like I used to. I was quite successful and had a promising future
but my "mind" broke.
Last year, the doctor suggested that it may be "late-onset bipolar"......lovely. So I spent a lot of time adjusting to the reality of my circumstances Spent a lot of time forgiving myself and telling myself it is OK, that there is no blame and that I need to just start accepting myself for whatever I am but wow that is hard. What I do find to be the hardest is the loneliness.
Sure, there are forums like this to express oneself and to hear other peoples' stories but I've had no luck finding that in real life. It was hard enough to find friends before my mind broke but now? Sheesh!
Sometimes I wish I was physically disabled. That way people would quit referring to my athletic build as a reason why I shouldn't be dysfunctional. My ups gets me into fitness, my downs puts me in bed and gets rid of what I worked out for. Too bad exercise can't cure mental illness.
Back to this "work"
It's too bad that our society not only sees work as a measure of a person BUT we also work to get more than what we need. So much so, that we go in debt to afford what we don't need. What is wrong with society that we can't just work enough to provide the basics and then just quit working? Of course, I am referring to people whose wages are way above the poverty level. I had a great upper middle class wage. But then realized that all the material wealth wasn't making me happy OR my mental illness overshadowed any success in my life.
Was it my jumping on the merry-go-round of our materialistic world of work that caused my alleged "late-onset bipolar"? Maybe, Or maybe my condition pushed me to strive for the distraction. I could never relax when I was young unless I put in a blistering 2 hour workout 6 days a week. People say meditate? Wish I could and I don't consider this unmotivational depression very relaxing. I am babbling.
I don't want to work anymore but the "other" people who do not work are not very desirable people to hang out with. And anxiety hardly promotes socializing.
People say that grass isn't greener elsewhere. I wonder. I wonder if maybe my geographic location is part of the problem. Are there other areas where the community has better opportunities for those that cannot work?
I think that every single time someone lays judgement on another, they should be automatically be made to step 48 hours into that other person's shoes. If I could have just one super power- it would be to bestow "another's shoes" on the entire human race. The world would be a much better place if this phenomena where to actually happen.
I also want to add that the internet is a wonderful place for acquiring new skills for those that are worried about not being able to compete in the job market. I never took a lick of college (or even high school for that matter) and everything I learned was done completely on my own. With the 'net, you can learn to pretty much do anything you want.
For instance: I applied for a job with a country club but did not know Adobe Illustrator. My husband downloaded a Linux O/S on my laptop. Then, I began installing FREE software from the Linux repository that I could learn on. Now, I can do anything I want with ANY Adobe software because the Linux based programs and/or tools are basically the same as Windows based- they just have slightly different interfaces. Your average person spends at least $599 USD for Photoshop- but I got my GIMP 4.0 for FREE. Plus, Linux is a much more stable O/S as far as needing updates, has better security, and not getting viruses.
Now, these are NOT plugs for any sort of affiliate program, but just simple advice that you CAN learn to do ANYTHING you want to keep your skill set relevant in today's workplace if you choose to.
Furthermore, I was just reading an article on how the latest trend is doctors going "cash only." At first I was upset- until I read that if one has the right skills, one can start a business billing for reimbursement for patients who lack the skills or time to do it for themselves. Hmmmmmmm........
For instance: I applied for a job with a country club but did not know Adobe Illustrator. My husband downloaded a Linux O/S on my laptop. Then, I began installing FREE software from the Linux repository that I could learn on. Now, I can do anything I want with ANY Adobe software because the Linux based programs and/or tools are basically the same as Windows based- they just have slightly different interfaces. Your average person spends at least $599 USD for Photoshop- but I got my GIMP 4.0 for FREE. Plus, Linux is a much more stable O/S as far as needing updates, has better security, and not getting viruses.
Now, these are NOT plugs for any sort of affiliate program, but just simple advice that you CAN learn to do ANYTHING you want to keep your skill set relevant in today's workplace if you choose to.
Furthermore, I was just reading an article on how the latest trend is doctors going "cash only." At first I was upset- until I read that if one has the right skills, one can start a business billing for reimbursement for patients who lack the skills or time to do it for themselves. Hmmmmmmm........
MoodElevator
Bronze Member
Wow circe! your posts never cease to impress.
& Pathos - Well put, I couldn't agree with you more.
& Pathos - Well put, I couldn't agree with you more.
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