Am I Expecting Too Much?

[Freedomfighter]

I had a session on monday with my T. I expressed my hopelessness and continued telling her that i just want to dis...

This is very tough for the patient. I used to go to a female therapist too and there were many things lacking. But it was the only thing I knew how to do since I was so sick I had not realized some very important things, sure glad I know now.

However if I place myself in the shoes of a T I wonder if there is a certain protocol they follow anyways. Since I did not study psychology I really don't know that, but I want to learn more about it, want to know a lot more about it actually.

I believe that if a patient is at a risk of suicide an experienced therapist would suggest in hospital treatment, but I may be wrong at that since I do not have that knowledge.
All of these points you just listed, not being sure if the therapist is taking your concerns seriously, present those exact points to your therapist and ask politely if the T has a certain criteria, and what protocol is normally followed.
I have been at that road too, that road sucks when there is no real help, my ex sure was no help, of course being a stalking victim did not help, what did help.........

Try to get into a discussion with your T and I am sure if the T knows what you are thinking there will be help. After all a good therapist wants to do the best he or she can. Yes, there are bad Ts out there.

 

[Butterflies]

Freedomfighter,

I did go again, and she seemed to have forgotten about the last session....as she mentioned nothing of it. She stumbled in late while i was in waiting area...and apologized and told me why she was late...she was smiling and happy...and i just couldnt say much. I fake smiled and pretended i was okay. She didnt ask about my suicidal thoughts at all.
I left the office feeling more burdened and alone .. t has a happy life ...i m making her miserable by my misery. She probably doesnt like me right now...i m being the hard client....cuz her suggestions are not making sense to me. Work on this ...work on that ? I dont have time to work on anything.. i dontvwant to...i feel hopeless. .nothing will change..your suggestions are so much future based...i am trying to survive today and tomorrow. Not next week.
Talking is not helping at all....i dont know what to do. Suicide is an open option...but i am not planning it. Its comforting and calming. .
I am trying to find a solution...and i can not.

If you can tell me what helped you...please share.

How does talking help ? What did u talk about? Did it help that someone listened...or was it the suggestions.

Any input would be appreciated.

 

[gealach]

**your depression is lying to you** all those beliefs you have about your T are based in depression, not reality. When the depression tells you something negative, like 'my T is laughing at me', work actively to think the opposite 'my T doesn't find this funny, she is NOT laughing at me'. Write it down if you have to, that's what helped me, actually seeing it on paper and seeing how unreasonable those thoughts were, how they were not based on fact or reality. This isn't a quick fix or a magic bullet, challenging negative thought patterns takes time... stick with it, be active about it.

Also, your T is not psychic. If you need to work on something and she isn't bringing it up.... YOU bring it up. The session is your time, about you and your needs, it's not about her, so don't make it about her (or don't let your depression make it about her). If you don't bring it up, she isn't going to know that you need to talk about it. You do have some responsibility there, and you can't just place that all on her. Own your therapy, make it work for you.

you can get through this. :hug:

 

[NightSky]

Can you ask your T those questions? How is talking supposed to help? What can I do to get through the here and now so that I feel like healing is even possible? She may not realize you can't utilize her suggestions right now. I had to tell mine that. I had to explain that I can't use her suggestions midweek because I don't remember them when I'm in the moment and have no steady sense of support from her and feel like she doesn't exist when I'm not with her. So now I can email her if I need to feel the connection. Just a quick "are you still out there?" And that really helps. And she broke down her suggestions to one very small manageable thing based on what the pressing issue is. Not future stuff but right here and now stuff. And when I do email her she will respond with a small reminder and validates what I'm feelings. Like, "remember to breathe," or "remind yourself this is temporary," etc. can you do that with yours?
And verbalize those lies your depression is telling you. To her. So you can hear her response.
My T has to tell me all the time she chose this profession and that I'm not a nuisance. It helps but I have to hear it a lot.
I'm a lot like you in that I start to believe if someone doesn't reach out, they don't care. But here's the thing that helps me with that. I'm a teacher. I typically have classes that are probably the same size as a therapist's case load. I deeply care about every single student in my care. I love them. Often the hardest ones, I come to love the most. And I cannot tell you how often I think about them, dream about them, worry about them, and wonder how they are years after they've left me. I do what I can outside of the classroom to show my support, when I'm able. But I also have a family and a life. So sometimes I'll get to a baseball game or a play, etc. sometimes I'll email a parent to check in. Sometimes I'll have a kid in for recess to provide extra support. These are things that are outside of my job description. And they require sacrifice from me. They are sporadic because they have to be. I couldn't possibly check in on every student personally every week outside of the time I have with them. I don't even have enough hours for that. If I had limitless time and energy I would. I would call "johnny's" house in the evening and say "hey I know you didn't quite get the math lesson today. How is the homework going?" And then I would stay on the phone to help him with it. And I might call another and ask if she was ok after the fight she had with her best friend and on and on it goes...but I can't. And it for sure has NO bearing on how I feel about them. and I trust it is the same for T's. Because they CHOSE a job to help people.
I hope this analogy is helpful. I struggle with the same feelings but at some point we have to just trust and not mindread.
Sorry this got so long!!

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Butterflies as everyone has said you are not alone in your despair, we all have been there one time or another, what I can tell you is from my own experiences almost all therapists will fit you in if you say you need it. You need to make your needs known. You can't leave it to others to try to guess what you need. And it's unfair to expect others to do so.

As to your hopelessness, I have been there more times than I can count, even further at times, and even there recently, it does get better, but it takes hard work, sometimes therapy work that is painful.

I suggest you might write down your feelings as they are at the moment, followed by what you need, then simplify the feelings to a small sentence or paragraph so it can be processed by others, and convey what you wrote down to your T. Then do the work when your T responds.

Do you have a mobile crisis team in your area, some places do. Some don't. If your on the edge of S/I sometimes Mobile Crisis Teams can check on you regularly and provide some support when you need it most. I have had mobile crisis in my area do this multiple times. It keep me out of the hospital in the last case (weeks ago), and keep me out of the wrong hospital until I got into the right one (trauma unit). You should check out what is available in your area.