Am I just "lucky" with finding Therapists?

[Teasel]

Partly therapists better suited to my needs. One of them took it upon herself to read up on Autism n adhd, the other is autistic with adhd.

But also, now I understand myself so much better. And I can find the words to express my differences instead of what I had before, which was words to describe defecits / negative traits.

A huge improvement now compared to the past is both myself and the therapist knowing I'm not neurotypical. Something like that.

 

[Weemie]

There are -roughly- 200 trauma therapists in my city. As I’ve spoken with all of them. The vast majority specialize in childhood trauma. A few specialize elsewhere. NONE in my own history. I had to travel 5 hours by train (each way) after interviewing over 1,000 therapists in my state/region; in increasingly wider circles, to find anyone who specializes in my own stuff, and then had to sift through about a dozen or so to find someone I clicked with.

It took me 16 years! I was fortunate enough to live in Halifax - we have some great local access and I was able to utilize those resources as a child (pure luck - my long-term therapist in childhood was an MD/PhD who recognized my real issue and got me in with the people I really needed to see). As an adult? Sixteen years, bruh. If I had a nickel for how many social workers I've caused to have an emotional meltdown and lash out at me - I'd have like 30 nickels. At the end of it, before meeting K, I obtained the proprietary materials I needed to conduct therapy on my own, since I had abandoned any hope of finding someone capable of assisting me. And at the end of the day, it was luck, because she works in private practice and sees me pro bono.

 

[Adobe]

It's been bugging me. Did I get lucky or was it just using the right resources to find my T's?

I found my first T by calling the local mental health association and getting a list of psychologists that did EMDR. I picked the first one that called back. Something I used to do regularly at work - pick the first guy to call back because either they are organized and get stuff done or they need work so they care about the quality of their work.

My second T was recommended by the first. Again a list - first one to call back - they always want to do a phone interview but me and phones don't get along so we went in person (brought my wife). We messed around with the safety stuff the first couple sessions but got down to work the last two and wow, I am happy I picked that T.

So stupid questions.....
Is it me? I have a sales background so I do things differently than some. Sales is about making a personal connection with someone first.
So is that part of this?
Do I find ways to get along with people and feel comfortable and that helps with therapy?

Or am I just two times lucky?

All of the above. Sales makes you ask questions, active listen, gauge responsiveness and look at if they are a good client. Sales makes you an active listener. In this case your need is being assessed by you as to whether they can meet your needs. Just the opposite in sales ... you listen to them to tell you whether your service or product meets their needs. I would say you are fortunate not lucky. You did your inquiry and the outcome was positive. Best to you and glad for you that you have a T. There are no therapists available on my insurance plan. Not taking new clients is also a problem .. this not true but think I might be jealous. I find also that your openness sets the tone with people.

 

[Charbella]

@Hulda have you called your insurance company and told them this? Sometimes they have programs to help people with small mental health issues that can help while your continue your search. Maybe ask about one of the online therapists? Just a thought.

 

[Freddyt]

All of the above. Sales makes you ask questions, active listen, gauge responsiveness and look at if they are a good client. Sales makes you an active listener. In this case your need is being assessed by you as to whether they can meet your needs. Just the opposite in sales ... you listen to them to tell you whether your service or product meets their needs. I would say you are fortunate not lucky. You did your inquiry and the outcome was positive. Best to you and glad for you that you have a T. There are no therapists available on my insurance plan. Not taking new clients is also a problem .. this not true but think I might be jealous. I find also that your openness sets the tone with people.

Thank you.

I think you hit some of it on the head. Those are LEARNED and LEARNABLE skills. Lots of people used to think you were born with it, or not, but anyone can learn those skills.
Listening is the biggest skill on the list. To get to what exactly the other person wants is a big key. Then making that relate-able. That part goes both ways. Smile and nod and walk out not knowing what your T meant to communicate to you is worse than thinking you are wasting their time or you look dumb. Because you don't know 100% of what you don't know.
That to me is the basis of communication, make it relatable, make it so the other person can understand it and use it and apply it.

As for openness - we are dealing with what other people did to me and the results of that. There is no shame there - I was a victim - whether intentional or not and getting better means everything is on the table when my T's door closes. Because what if - that thing I think is shameful or wrong is a key to finding something. 47 years of living with PTSD showed one thing for certain, hiding it doesn't help fix it.

I am truly sorry for your struggles finding a T Hulda, I hope you find one soon.....