Am I overreacting about someone calling me nuts and crazy?

[scout86]

@Friday beat me to suggesting you share the emails. I really think they need to see that to believe it and they ought to be believing it. (I wonder if any other members of the congregation have attracted her attention.) I think it makes sense for there to be a conversation. I'm not totally sure I think YOU need to be involved in it. Leadership should "counsel" her about what ever her issues are.

Beyond that, my T always objects to the use of the word "crazy" in this context. He says it "lacks a certain specificity". (And, I'd have inserted a "smiley face" here, but the new ones I'd need a magnifying glass to see and interpret, so use you imagination.)

 

[Justmehere]

Beyond that, my T always objects to the use of the word "crazy" in this context. He says it "lacks a certain specificity".

lol. This actually makes sense to me. I kinda have wanted to say to her at least be more specific! At least state the specific thing I do that is crazy? (So far the only specific thing is that I say no to her and that’s unforgiving. )

I’m actually a little doubtful she’ll agree to meet up. We’ll see. But if she does, I will be sure to have the emails and texts on hand. Highlighted for easy reference.

 

[hodge]

I am so, so sorry you have been subjected to this abuse, JMH. I'm so glad you have taken steps to take care of yourself. You are one of the least crazy people I know.? From one cool dudette to another :-).

 

[Justmehere]

It is funny how quickly I’m telling myself I’m overreacting.... this thread has been super helpful. Thanks for the validation that I’m not overreacting and the help figuring this out everyone. :)

 

[Tinyflame]

Yep 101% agree with @Friday , @scout86 , and the others here- and yourself @Justmehere .

Been in a somewhat similar situation once. The biggest point is that anyone who does that, especially without witnesses- is in fact, the 'crazy' one. But often also malicious, and manipulative. Because there is always some reason intended under the surface to do that to someone. It's like passive-aggressive bullying: ~" I'm saying it because I care, or it's simply a statement of fact (that I hope intimidates you, and maybe with any luck you'll be the one looking crazy, not me, by reacting to me, and no one is aware of what I've done)- now scram!" , being the most common.

(I once even had a strange woman tell me I had ketchup all over my back in a bar- there was none, lol. Like I would have cared. :roflmao: )

I have no doubt they'd hope you'd stay, sounds like you are a lot more fun company, and have a sweet heart too.

Be yourself. It's preferable. :hug:

 

[Rumors]

It is never ok for someone to email you or tell you that you are crazy. Unless this chic is a professional and has been hired by you for her opinion than her expression is unwelcome, manipulative and abusive. I'm sorry you are gong through this in a scenario where it should be safe and supportive. Someone needs to sit her down and let her know that her actions are inexcusable and to back the f*ck up... hang in there!

 

[Justmehere]

Aaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhhh.

I’ve have further info - anothe temail that ended up in my spam folder - that she says I’m nuts because she thinks I am “reactive” and “don’t like anyone disagreeing with you.”

Example. She really doesn’t get it that the issue wasn’t that she said I shouldn’t date, but that she said it’s because I’m crazy. She thinks I just don’t like that she disagrees with me.

I am jumpy. I am incredibly jumpy about churches.

Also, I have PTSD. No excuse for anything, but sure, there are times someone lights a match and I’ve pulled out a fire hose to put it out. (Not literally, but you all get the idea.) My reactions don’t always match a situation. Someone coughed on a train recently and I nearly jumped off the seat. Reaction bigger then the situation needed. Clearly. I am in therapy working on such fight or flight symptoms....

But with her? She scared my neighbors who don’t have PTSD and the name calling nonsense... I don’t care if it’s reactive. Let’s be adults and not name call... like hello...

We are all supposed to talk tomorrow and I have a feeling I’m going to hear more “you are too reactive.”

That’s tough one.

And I kind of miss the group I was in. Through a lot of misses on fish communities m, it’s been a steady group in my life for a few years.

I’m so annoyed. I’m trying to make sure I deal with my own stuff fully, and this is hard. Hits so close home.

 

[shimmerz]

Abusive people don't ever want the light shone on them. Her acting the way she has is abusive.

Of course she won't go to the meeting. You have emails of her calling you crazy.

The cool thing is that you could go to this meeting (let her know somehow indirectly) all by yourself.

With the emails of course.

 

[Friday]

but sure, there are times someone lights a match and I’ve pulled out a fire hose to put it out.

Red herring.

It’s super tempting to respond to (or take on) the whatever % part of what someone is saying that’s accurate.

Don’t do it. Don’t get sucked into it.

All it does is legitimize the “crazy”. It’s actually a negotiation / debate tactic, in getting people to agree with the 99%, it also gets them to agree to the WTF??? 1% because they’ve already agreed to the 99%. Or even, once they’ve reeeeally got their hooks in you, all they have to say is 1% accurate and all of a sudden the 99% seems plausible/ right/ correct. :wtf: I wish I could remember the name of it.

Point being... The moment nuts/ crazy/ insane/ whatever gets brought up? Drop everything else. No matter how legitimate any part of it seems, it’s just a distraction and a ploy... the issue is the crazy. Snort. In more ways than one! This chick really is nuts.

 

[scout86]

I’m going to hear more “you are too reactive.”

Who made her the "Reactivity Police" anyway? Seriously. What are her qualifications for determining how reactive another human being should be? The phrase "You're not the boss of me" comes to mind.

It might be her opinion that you're too reactive, she might wish you were less reactive (although then you might be less fun to pick on), but it seems to me you're just as reactive as is appropriate for your current situation. Working towards something different? Fine. Doesn't mean she's got any business making that call. (As far as dating goes, there could be some guy out there who really LIKES reactivity, who knows?)

 

[Changing4Best]

Praying for you! @Justmehere

 

[intothelight]

How do I even explain... no you can’t relentlessly insult me and expect to do relationship with me.

I think that sums it up perfectly. The boundary needs to be set, and with other group members, that a behavioral expectation is set and if it isn't met then she isn't welcome until she can get herself together to the point of maintaining the boundary. Usually when someone is confronted in a group situation they will unravel and their own behavior will be the tell. Having documentation as back up is great, but having known people for years they shouldn't require proof and I doubt you are the only person she has done this to.

Sorry you have to deal with this.