An Incomplete Self Protection Response?

[Freddyt]

So apparently it goes like this:
- Trauma happens but I was unable to do what I wanted to in order to protect myself.
- Because I was basically blindfolded and heavily medicated - couldn't run, or fight back, or whatever.
- Survival energy got "Stuck" because it couldn't discharge, it just stayed stuck somewhere.

So much of my hyperarousal/hypervigilence can be set off by "seemingly unrelated events"?

The explanation totally makes sense too as I was literally off my feet for a couple months. They wouldn't let me move because they were worried about further hemorrhaging. So the childhood response of 'run away' was taken away, again and again.

Just wondering if this is a common thing?

 

[Ecdysis]

I think this is basically Peter Levine's theory of trauma, if I remember correctly.

He has trauma therapy books using exactly this approach, called "somatic experiencing".

 

[Movingforward10]

It's the premise of 'the body keeps the score' too? (by the person whose name I forget)

 

[arfie]

this is the first time i've thought of it as, "incomplete self-defense response," but it fits well enough to call it, "normal for me." if i ever gave the phenom a name, i think i filed it under, "the healing process." my psyche and physics dealt however they could with whatever was available.

 

[Freddyt]

It's the premise of 'the body keeps the score' too? (by the person whose name I forget)

Apparently, if you follow a pattern when confronted with anxiety inducing events, you may have this.

The belief is that the energy from the event gets trapped and never releases. IE: you can't get to safety so the energy you would have used to get to safety is trapped with the event.

The way to get rid of it is through somatic work. Fortunately, my T does both so last session was all somatic work. I don't know how to tell you what went on, its a kind of voodoo thing where you know something happened but you are not sure what. I know it involved a lot of work staying present, which at times can be hard work.....

Mt feet were dancing on their own sort of. An indication of "running away" which was something I could not do at the time.

It's all kind of weird right now. The events are not as "AHHHHH" as they were, but aspects that made this complex sure are, the physical aspects and "being held captive and tortured" are sticky as hell.

I was hoping someone had more info because I apparently did something really well in therapy, but have no idea what it was.....

 

[Rose White]

I like this thread! It’s something I been thinking about lately too. I guess there’s this concept of the “primary event” which is the thing that happens in a persons life at a young age where they are humming along and then BOOM (could be a million different things: car accident, potty training, sexual abuse, illness, injury, loss, attack, and so on). Many facets of the event get tucked away and “forgotten” (but not forgotten) as a way to endure the continuing life. And then…

So much of my hyperarousal/hypervigilence can be set off by "seemingly unrelated events"?

It feels unrelated. It’s something that happened during the primary event—the smell of a soap, the feeling of clothing, the look someone gave us—and then BOOM it’s happening again. And our response might be rage, collapse, flee—and people around us might think we are overreacting. In those times where the same sensation is experienced we are rarely able to say, “Oh yeah, this is just like when I felt trapped that time as a young kid when that thing happened.” Instead we tend to deal with it in some way that sidelines or pushes it away—some repetitive act that soothes us—maybe addiction or self harm or projection

if you follow a pattern when confronted with anxiety inducing events,

The pattern of soothing itself can become something that we turn to, even long for—which is why some of us have felt ourselves spinning in rumination over trauma.

the energy from the event

I like that theory of releasing the trapped energy. I used to do trauma-release massage and it really did help me a lot—felt like metabolizing. I think words and dreams can also help us when we are able to SAY clearly—this happened to me and it affected me greatly.

a kind of voodoo thing where you know something happened but you are not sure what.

I can see how somatic work would feel that way. When there’s no ego-centric declaration what is uncovered and what is happening, the healing feels hidden or obscured. I feel that way about the work on the unconscious that I’m doing in psychoanalysis. I have to just blah blah blah free association about whatever comes up and then she says something like, “I noticed you used this word… can you tell more about what that means to you?” And then I notice connections with that word and it gets me thinking—kind of like seeing pictures in clouds. Then afterwords I tend to feel a sense of having been “buttoned up” and when that word comes up between sessions I feel more “positioned” rather than floating like seaweed. Idk if that makes sense!

I was hoping someone had more info because I apparently did something really well in therapy, but have no idea what it was.....

Seems like you have the info inside yourself! Somatic stuff that bypasses the psychotherapeutic relationship works on you in an effective way. When the ego doesn’t get a say in doing things well it can get a little miffed but sounds like you are able to soothe it well enough!

 

[gorgonzola]

So much of my hyperarousal/hypervigilence can be set off by "seemingly unrelated events"?

It feels unrelated. It’s something that happened during the primary event—the smell of a soap, the feeling of clothing, the look someone gave us—and then BOOM it’s happening again. And our response might be rage, collapse, flee—and people around us might think we are overreacting. In those times where
the same sensation is experienced we are rarely able to say, “Oh yeah, this is just like when I felt trapped that time as a young kid when that thing happened.” Instead we tend to deal with it in some way that sidelines or pushes it away—some repetitive act that soothes us—maybe addiction or self harm or projection

Whoah.

I have the inescapable kind of big T (and not survivable, for that matter) and the hypervigilance that makes no sense as it hasn't seemed related, but your making me think about it this way is allowing me to make a little sense out of it. Well, form a working hypothesis at least. Thank you!

 

[Freddyt]

It feels unrelated. It’s something that happened during the primary event—the smell of a soap, the feeling of clothing, the look someone gave us—and then BOOM it’s happening again. And our response might be rage, collapse, flee—and people around us might think we are overreacting. In those times where the same sensation is experienced we are rarely able to say, “Oh yeah, this is just like when I felt trapped that time as a young kid when that thing happened.”

That's what it is in a way. What makes it incomplete is you can't react in a normal way, hide, run away, strike back, protect yourself.

The fact it touches off other reactions at other times makes perfect sense, because it happens. You know going along la, la, la through your day and something touches off those hyper reactions - any hyper reaction. I know for me there has been a specific hyper reaction I cant tie to anything at this point that happens at times.

I have looked for a trigger for it but can't really find anything.

And then I notice connections with that word and it gets me thinking—kind of like seeing pictures in clouds. Then afterwords I tend to feel a sense of having been “buttoned up” and when that word comes up between sessions I feel more “positioned” rather than floating like seaweed. Idk if that makes sense!

Yup. It's the unexpected things, one of mine is a specific and very uncomfortable physical reaction for guys. No idea as we have not tied it to anything at this point and we know of no sexual abuse (although so much happened and so much is covered by the fog of narcotic pain killers it's been tough picking things out.)

Somatic stuff that bypasses the psychotherapeutic relationship works on you in an effective way.

Actually it works on releasing the events from your nervous system. It is based on watching animals in the wild and reactions to near death experiences. They apparently "release" the energy of the event through physical reaction (shaking) after the event.
Which is why it works in complex trauma, because those reactions never happen because the event seemingly continues, happening again and again and there is no sense that its over. It works by allowing those reactions to happen long after the event, moving the events into the past for your nervous system.