Relationship An Isolation Story.

[Msconfused]

Thanks again. I am glad I found this site. I honestly would have never thought it was PTSD. If I did not start re...

Sorry for this post, did not realize the post above went through.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I'd maybe send him one more text saying something like "I respect your need for space. I'm here when you need me." Then leave it be. Next move is on him.

 

[Msconfused]

I'd maybe send him one more text saying something like "I respect your need for space. I'm here when...

Thank you so much. This is such a learning experience.

 

[Sighs]

Will he ever trust me enough not to push me away or need space from Me? I want to be his safe place, where he can feel love and at peace. If it's possible how do I get him to that point? What do I need to do?

No. He will never trust you enough not to have PTSD. Not now. Not soon. Not ever.

Its ok to decide that this is not for you. That you can't deal with being pushed away. You have needs too.

You can't give him peace. There is nothing you need to do. There is nothing you can do.

If you're ok with that then welcome to the roller coaster. If not, then you need to get off the ride for your own sake.

 

[Milo's papa]

We get a lot of new supporters here asking about isolation. I am a sufferer and I am an isolator. I am...

Fadeaway, sometime I fee like I live in an isolation chamber. By nature I am an extreme introvert, (other than here). This is the first place I have found where I can open up and let people in. It is a major point of contention between my wife, a natural extrovert, and I. We gave up fighting over it long ago.

 

[Msconfused]

Thank you so much. This is such a learning experience.

Fadeaway, do these isolation periods happen offen? I know people are stating it depends on stress and major issues, but I am just trying to figure out how many times people are going through this. I mean, in a normal relationships you have ups and downs and you get through it. So, I am just trying to figure how often this may happen.

 

[Bubbles215]

Msconfused - I, like you, am very new to the world of PTSD and am by nature an anxious person when it comes to relationships...well I say by nature but in reality it's being treated badly too many times.

I do get why you're hurting so much but I honestly think if I hadn't read and thought about the advice on this great site I would've lost someone I think the world of. Don't get me wrong, I'm a real tree-hugger and when people are in a bad place I want to help them but in this case frustrating and hurtful as it is I have to do it at my guy's pace - if I don't hear from him I find it so hard not to reach out but I'm now aware that if I do it adds extra pressure and stress so I let him come to me, don't get me wrong - I do cry and I do get angry but I don't let him know that because in all honesty I do not understand what he went through because I have never experienced what he has. I am very wary of being hurt and won't blame everything he does on PTSD but equally I need to keep my emotions in check, I've also made the decision to stick around fully in the knowledge that things can change from one hour to the next. Therapy day is a bad day for him - and I now know if he's not in communication to leave him be, he'll let me know he's ok and I leave it at that. I hope things work out for you in whichever way you want it to.

 

[Amack]

Msconfused~

From my experience thus far, PTSD does not per say make people make bad choices. PTSD in and of itself is very inward based. Now with that said, can the behavior of the sufferer hurt those around absolutely. But just like with every other disorder or disease everyone reacts differently. That is why no two people react the same. There is a fine line between PTSD symptoms and bad behavior, if the person never reacted in that way before you can bet it is PTSD.....but usually with PTSD come addictions so you also have to recognize what is addict behavior......My best advice is study, read, inform yourself see a counselor and if all this seems to much that is ok!!! you still have a choice whether or not to invest in the relationship.

On another note, stopping cold turkey on any meds for PtSD will send someone into a tailspin (usually).....Odd behavior, rash decisions,anger,deep depression are all very common side affects. One should never stop unless helped by their psychiatrist.....

Maybe at this point it would be healthy to stop and take some space yourself. Self reflect and assess you instead of focusing on him....hope this helps and doesnt come across harsh. I have lived in a marriage where PTSD reared its head 5 years ago and its been hell.

 

[Chelle]

This discussion seems to be greatly needed. Like Msconfused and @Bubbles215 , I am also very new to the world of PTSD (6 months dating) so I'm sure we all have made mistakes and ran into road blocks. I hope that the fact that we are trying to learn more and research how to avoid some of the common mistakes is helping not only us but others that may not be posting.

Also, thanks to the sufferers that are posting on their POV during isolation.

Like others have said, I am learning in this go-round with his isolation episode to take the time for my own mental health and self care/love.

Be strong, Msconfused!

 

[Msconfused]

Msconfused - I, like you, am very new to the world of PTSD and am by nature an anxious person when it...

Thanks, I to am a person who wants to help. The funny thing is he has told me around Christmas time when we went shopping at the mall if he started to panic what I needed to do to help him, so, he does trust me enough to help him. This is why I don't understand why now this time it's different. The other funny thing is we talked about if we were having problems how we would handle them, and this was never one of them. He always said we would communicate and always work them out. This is just so hard and I hope he comes around soon so I can at least figure some things out in case it happens again.

I don't want to go anywhere, but I am hurting to and I just want us to be happy like we were. I get every relationship has issues, I am ok with that, as long as we can make some boundaries.

Good luck to you as well.

 

[EveHarrington]

but usually with PTSD come addictions so you also have to recognize what is addict behavior......

I respectfully disagree.

I have PTSD and know a number of people with PTSD. None of us are dual diagnosis patients; none of us struggle with addictions.

IMHO it can be hurtful to spread misinformation about most people with PTSD having addictions.

Further reading of your post leads me to believe you are a supporter with a spouse who has PTSD and addiction issues. I understand this is likely a great struggle for you and you're posting based upon your experience. But again, I do not believe that you can make the statement that most PTSD comes with addiction issues.

 

[Msconfused]

Msconfused~

From my experience thus far, PTSD does not per say make people make bad choices. PTSD in and...

My main concern was the medication, that's when the change started. He never treated me so cold and was so distant to me. He was the one pushing for this relationship. He goes to the VA for therapy and has told me what a joke it is. He wanted me to go with him cause he said it's not therapy at all. I have told him he has to go elsewhere for some help. I do fill this is medication withdrawal and possible PTSD do with all the stress from the divorce, no meds to help with anxiety, work, being a single dad and a new relationship. There is a lot on his plate. I just wish I could help.

I go to therapy due to depression and anxiety. They are trying to help me with him. They know I care a lot about him but also know they need to worry about my well being as well. Even though he maybe suffering, so are all of us supporters. The isolation actually appears to change us. What everyone has wrote on here is they get use to it and learn to deal with it and give them their space. You either accept it or you don't. Something I have to figure if I can handle.

I have wasted many years in unhealthy, unloving, untrusting, relationships with wrong men for the wrong reasons. I want to live a happy life for once, in a loving relationship. I really believed this was the one up until a little over a week ago. I don't want to give up yet. I hope that nice he can get his meds together maybe he will be stable enough. There is just something I feel, I can't give up just yet.