Relationship An Isolation Story.

[Friday]

My vet goes to school and works but he's still isolating me, how does that work?

You ever been sick? Drug your sick ass to work, plastered on a smile, got the job done...come home & crashed? Groaaaaaan. Ungh. Not. Moving. ...It's like that.

 

[Amack]

Why is it that all sufferers feel that the relationship is a stressor? That they need to eliminate?...

I know a sufferer started this post but it is on a supporter thread, so I would hope it would not cause a sufferer stress if they choose to come on and comment.

In response to your question I think you have received great answers. Always remember everyone is different and reacts differently. One of the best pieces of advice I was given was to remember PTSD is not an excuse to bad behavior. Most healthy sufferers I know will say 100% they are responsible for their choices in all of their actions. Can a supporter make things worse if they are uniformed sure, but still everyone involved is responsible for their choices. We all have choices. It is a choice to be informed. It is a choice to react badly or learn how to react not so badly. BOUNDARIES are everything once PTSD rears its head for both parties involved. I would caution if you are a gf of a suffer to look around this site and read from seasoned (I don't consider myself, still learning) supporter. YOU have to be mentally healthy to engage and live with the lifestyle PtSD brings along. PTSD relationships are not "everyday normal" relationships you have to really get to know your sufferer. Also, if you choose to get involved with Vet, Police, Emt, Firefighter, Dispatch.....etc. know that the rate of PTSD in these careers are high!! So study.....

Do not reason yourself into a relationship, if alarms are going off DO NOT IGNORE THEM!! yes, some sufferers isolate, disassociate, have anger outburst, fall into deep depression, drink, do drugs, reckless behavior........ But so do some people with other problems. I am not trying to dissuade you from your relationship but simply want to inform you with information and questions to ask yourself.....Pay attention to your internal dialogue and if you find yourself constantly making excuses for him that is a red flag!!! your inner alarm is being dulled..... boundaries may already be crossed. This is a supporter thread and we have to remember to take care of ourselves so that we can take good care of our sufferer....

 

[EveHarrington]

I know a sufferer started this post but it is on a supporter thread, so I would hope it would not cause a...

We cannot always predict what will stress us in advance. I knew it was in a supporter forum. I thought I could handle it. I thought I could help. I don't shy away from things as this is how anxiety magnifies.

 

[Amack]

We cannot always predict what will stress us in advance. I knew it was in a supporter forum. I tho...

I understand that. I was meaning it very genuinely. Sufferers have enough stress! I greatly appreciate any advice from sufferers......

 

[Bubbles215]

Amack - absolutely see your point on this. For me I've chosen to stay but it is with my eyes wide open. I'll be honest I have gently questioned when I think something is straying into the realms of non-PTSD behaviour, purely because I have had very bad experiences in the past, I tread very carefully and pick my time but it stops my anxiety going into overdrive. It is hard, I would give anything to have the man I love right here but right now he's lost, however, my hurt is nowhere near what he feels. The thing that saddens most is to hear his fear that he will hurt me - when the thing that would hurt me most is not to have him in my life.

 

[Mistyeyed2013]

I'd maybe send him one more text saying something like "I respect your need for space. I'm here when...

Agreed!

 

[Mistyeyed2013]

Thanks again. I am glad I found this site. I honestly would have never thought it was PTSD. If I did not start re...

A few questions....how do you know he has PTSD? Was he diagnosed with PTSD? Did he tell you? Or you assumed it from his meds? Was just curious. Also, what kind of PTSD does he have? Situational PTSD, similar to yours from your accident? Combat PTSD from military experiences? Or possibly complex-PTSD? It makes a difference to know how he acquired it and in how one handles situations. PTSD can be very different from one person to another, many factors to consider. I have dealt with 3 boyfriends, each with different variations of PTSD...I've learned the hard way....

 

[Fadeaway]

I could have sworn I responded to some of the things already on this thread, but I have been known to type things out, get distracted by something and forget that I never hit post reply.

I know a sufferer started this post but it is on a supporter thread, so I would hope it would not cause a sufferer stress if they choose to come on and comment.

Yes, the reason I started this thread is because I have noticed that a large percentage of new supporter members have signed up because it of their sufferers isolation. I also wanted to create open dialogue between supporters and sufferers without hijacking a new members thread.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I think this is a great thread @Fadeaway. Isolation is very confusing to a lot of supporters.

 

[westiewife]

I am a supporter of my husband who have complex -PTSD, diagnosed a few years ago.
He finds it hard to isolate but I too have learnt the hard way about how to deal with him when he is overwhelmed with feelings/emotions that are stuck regardless of my own depression/anxiety disorder and how I am feeling.
he is clearly so stressed by his emotional overload that he just HAS to centre himself which is impossible while others are needy.
The way I see it some of PTSD can be relieved by learning to manage to control the behaviours that are the result of overwhelming emotion, often triggered by numerous stimuli.
when I am managing my own mental health sensibly then I am more useful to him in helping him to learn what he needs in times of stress (a daily occurrence quite often)
This is just a recount of some of my experience

 

[tryingtofindbalance]

We get a lot of new supporters here asking about isolation. I am a sufferer and I am an isolator. I am...

I have been dating an Iraq combat vet for almost a year and a half who is currently isolating without warning or word. I contacted him to see if he was moving out and he responded that he needed time to think. I contacted him the next day to let him know I was thinking of him, hope he was getting what he needed from his time and space, and that I wouldn't contact him again during this isolation period, and it would be up to him to contact me if and when he was ready. So I wait.....but go on with my life. I won't fight it, even though it hurts, makes me sad, and angry and confused. I can't control it or change it. I don't have to like it. If I were to do the same thing to him, he would up and leave me. This is an extremely difficult situation and while I know others have similar stories and this isn't unusual at all for vets with PTSD, it's unusual for me. I guess I'm wondering how long do I wait? Do I not reach out and let him live his life the way he wants for as long as he wants? How is that even remotely fair to me? This is really really hard!!!!

 

[tryingtobalance]

Thank you all so much for telling your stories and your experience with isolating. My bf (ex vet) is curr...

I am experiencing the very same thing right now and I don't know what to do. I sent him a message saying I was thinking of him and hoping he was getting what he needed from his time and space and that I wouldn't contact him again during this period he would need to contact me if and when he was ready. I don't know how long I wait...........