Analogy: "my Hypervigilance Feels Like..."

[meltot]

Like when you've woken from a nap and you're irritable, and your hair wisps in your face are agitating, and you're not ready for noises yet...only not caused by a nap, and doesn't go away as you wake up more. On the bus you can't relax and you can't hardly look around, you hear every little sound and it seems like you can sense people watching you whether they really are or not. You deal with it by staring intently at your phone screen like there's no tomorrow, but whatever you're reading or looking at is not being absorbed at all, and you just got through a paragraph without remembering a bit of it. ADHD feeling, and it tends to kick up your adrenaline like there's no tomorrow. You might be in a quiet cafe or library, and you are irrationally angry and constantly about to throttle the girl across the way who won't stop coughing and clearing her throat frequently and sharply, and you know it's because of her headphones that she's oblivious to what she's doing.

 

[Changing4Best]

With mine I use my sense of hearing to be totally alert, I guess. I can hear tone of voice, which conveys emotion, intention and all that kind of stuff. I can hear behind me, almost as if I can see behind me too. I can sense if I am being followed, I just know somehow, though I cannot say HOW! Sight is super alert too, of course and my eyesight is very keen.

One thing that drives me nuts though, is that some cars with electric engines are silent now, whereas cars used to have a subtle noise, even if they were going really slowly. However, now with the newer engines, I cannot hear some of them when they come up behind me. I hate that! I do have some hearing loss, so I guess that, and the quieter engines has caused this. I am in my 60s now, so I really have to look behind me more often now than I used to. I do this too, but not enough! I walk around town a lot, so this is important for me to look back often, if that makes any sense?

 

[BloomInWinter]

My hyper-vigilance feels like I'm existing in a parallel life, one that's filled with hostiles and danger at every turn.

 

[BloomInWinter]

My hypervigilance is much, much better. It still happens, but never for very long anymore.

I still sometimes don't realize it until it 'lets down' but I now act much more quickly to take good self-care when I am dealing with it. Now that the constant critics in my head have been evicted, I experience the symptoms but not the overlay of negative self-talk and shame.

It's mostly dealing with the symptoms. I still get a dry mouth, and get dehydrated easily. Something I think is rarely discussed but is still a very troubling symptom is profuse vaginal secretions, leading to itching, irritation, and the need for wearing light incontinence pads or day pads.

Once, I thought I had a bladder infection because it was so painful so I went to give a sample. My doctor was alarmed at the amount of vaginal secretions but no infection. We mapped what had been happening in my life and it was the vigilance causing it and the cascade of negative female symptoms.

I hope other women with PTSD are informed this is a possibility so nobody has to go through the cost and emotional hell of wondering if something is terribly wrong when this is a possibility.

Also, having a dog has helped my alert status to 'let down' so I can sleep better. It's like I can trust him to alert me if something is amiss. That has been a huge relief.

Noises still are too much for me sometimes, especially tv shows where people are speaking unkindly or engaging in violence. I'm more self-protective now of my living space so I can keep it as peaceful as possible.