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Analogy: My Ptsd Feels Like...

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There's a greek myth and roman one too I believe.

A god gave man fire when he wasn't supposed to, even though he was only trying to be a good God. And so he endures eternal torment, laying chained at the top of a mountain, and everyday the eagle of Zeus comes and eats out his innards, his liver, his intestines. Every day. Over and over.

That is what PTSD feels like to me.
 
Like there are demons inside of me:

They grew inside of me when I was a child, seeds of despair, planted by my mother. And, as they grew bigger and bigger they held onto me with their razor sharp nails, digging into my flesh, and their fangs sinking into my neck as they whisper into my ears with their poisonous voices, how useless and stupid and ugly and clumsy and selfish and evil and worthless I am, that I just cannot possibly do anything good or succeed at anything.

Sometimes they sleep and I think, "I am alright, I will do this". But then they wake up and they start ripping at my flesh and shouting in my ears, deafening me with their voices. And I just want to scream, my brain gets overwhelmed, I try to fight them back but their evil voices are always there, waiting to put me down.

Their nails and fangs are so deep inside my flesh, prizing them out one by one and hurling them back into the depths of Hell where they belong, will rip me apart. But I want them gone. I can't function with them, not like this anymore. It is too hard. I want to fight them and rip them out of me before they finally destroy me.

But I don't know how to do that and I am terrified and alone and those demons are my only companions
 
I like reading these descriptions. I feel like I am trapped in a room made of glass. I can see everyone around me and hear them - but I am not a part of anything. When I reach out towards them - the glass shatters and I can see the pieces of my life broken around me. The shards are stained with the blood of the innocent and with the wounds to my heart. I know I have to put these pieces together again to function with everyone else but I am afraid of cutting myself.
 
Feels like I've been take out of one world, and alternate between 2 worlds both of which are full of chaos, and inconsistencies. When you thrown back and forth between them, you feel like your being smashed to pieces over, and over again.

One world I'm in is a barren tundra of frozen feelings, triggers that are like mines that set me off, and I stand alone in it, yet I exist besides the one I'm supposed to stand in fully; I stand between two worlds with my pain and emotions in one, and my outward facade in the other; people only see the face, but never what it takes to get past the triggers that they may never have to know/experience.
 
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