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Analogy: My Ptsd Feels Like...

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Today I feel like a tomato.

If I just sit about eventually I will just rot away.
If I am to be of use, I will be cut up or squashed.

But I can't do anything- I am a tomato!
 
Cotton wool. My brain just won't engage in my life! PTSD is also creeping up & down my back, i'm fighting off the urge to go & lie down to squash it!
 
General Question to everyone.......

I wamt to ask... but Im afraid....I don't want to upset anyone, but do you ever have days when you feel like the PTSD isnt trying to eat at you??? Are some days better than others??

Im just trying to learn.... (bear with me) It's ok if no one wants to answer.

Yes, I think I do. At least I seem to have days were I am at a level approaching a normal out look on life, I get along well enough with people to think I am getting some kind of bonding or trust or whatever it is supposed to feel like when you are normal and around other normals.

Then I get a half hour drive by myself or a job that puts me off alone or worse some time with nothing to really do and I come out the other end my same old non trusting angry misanthropic mis fit, wich is really my normal state.

People that don't get it just don't get it. Why can anyone get away with no regard for others safety or consideration that their actions might have a consequence? When my kids were growing up, I wouldn't spank them unless the consequences of not getting a lesson driven home by punishment would be worse than the spanking. Something like running in a parking lot, if they didn't listen to us and stop running immediately when we told them to, we would rather do what had to be done to make sure they knew there were consequences for it and a spanking was favorable to getting smeared by some nut in third gear at the grocery store.

why doesn't society get it that a slap on the hand and a ticket and a fine isn't stopping anyone from running red lights and tailgating and texting behind the wheel. What is needed is about 6 months community service doing ride alongs with an EMS team, or a tow truck driver or spending saturday nights at the trauma center for a while.

See? I started to write about feeling normal than I slipped into PTSD self just like that. I think I need to move to a small Island with no cars.
 
My Ptsd feels like there's no normality left in my life, I look in the mirror and see a stranger. It is all consuming, I push people away from me as I can't stand the thought of them seeing the person I've become. Perhaps one day I hope I will find my way back to to the person I was, but I now think she was just an illusion anyway. Someone I created to stop the world from seeing the hurt person inside.
 
I would recommend the Island of Iona.
I have visited it. Very peaceful.

sounds great. sometimes I think a little time in a peaceful place and I am on my way to wellville, then I find myself in a peaceful place and I am on the road to rumination-ville.

the peaceful place I like best these days is in my work earmuffs, mowing a lawn, cutting firewood, tilling a garden, feet on the ground, tool in my hand, job on my mind.
 
... like the air and shadows around me are staring thru my soul leaving me bare and alone and helpless... and they are waiting for me to close my eyes.
 
my ptsd feels like hell but better than living with my mother (a labotomy in slow motion).
Anyone else here have ultra tense shoulders? And a tremor and breathless and i want to crawl away and hide when I'm triggered. Damned wardrobe was my escape from Yeti. I don't have claustrophobia in wardrobes because they were safe.
Scott
 
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