And The Winner Of The Worst Parent Of The Year Goes To...

[desiderata310]

me.
My son left his pet bird in my care while he went on a trip.
early this morning I heard a horrible noise come from the room it was it. I found the bird dead.

Well.. I'm up for the rest of the night.

 

[The Albatross]

Pets pass, it is unfortunate that it happened in your care. While you're up can you refute and/or examine "and the winner of the worst parent of the year goes to me"?

 

[Deleted member 28403]

It's not your fault.

You didn't kill the bird, it was probably a cat or something.

I'm really sorry that happened.

 

[desiderata310]

not the cat. The bird was kept in a separate room. It was actually some kind of parrot. They are heartier usually.

 

[littlelostchild]

That doesn't even come close to Worst Parent of the Year!

Pets die and unfortunately it was in your care when it was called to do so.

You will be there when he gets the news so you can comfort him. Maybe that's why the bird died with you, so you could provide comfort and support like the good mother you are.

 

[desiderata310]

yeah... I have to give him the news over the phone. He won't be back this way till after thanksgiving.
He's an adult. He had a suicide attempt earlier this year. This bird was his baby.

 

[The Albatross]

His reaction is his business, though if you have to notify him by phone perhaps along with refuting you can rough out a way to break the news.

 

[desiderata310]

@The Albatross
I have been. I've been a spectacularly terrible parent: putting my children in harms way by staying with their step dad who was abusive. I've moved to the opposite side of the country and my teen daughter is so furious with me because of things that happened when I was married to their step dad that she wont live with me.

Yeah... There's not a lot to be proud of in my parenting. This is just the icing on the cake

 

[The Albatross]

Okay. It is not beneficial to you, personally to lump this new development into personal character assassination. What tools/skills do you have that can put the breaks on this thought cascade?

 

[desiderata310]

I don't know what you mean.

 

[Justmehere]

Oh no! I'm so sorry his bird passed away. It happens. Both my beloved cat and dog were in my mother's care when I left for school. They both died that next year. It broke my heart but it wasn't her fault, not yours. This kind of thing happens all the time. It's hard, but it's not your fault.

You are not the worst parent ever. You are a survivor who has supported your children through awful times.

The best thing you can do now is to try to stop internalizing your abusers message that the abuse was your fault and that you are horrible. Your children need you to stop agreeing with him and start agreeing with the truth: you are a good mom who does her best to heal. You make mistakes, but you are a brave and kind mother who loves her kids deeply. You have had the courage that many don't - to leave your abuser and work your butt off in therapy.

You don't have to be mean to yourself too because the bird died or because of ANYTHING else that has happened.

:hug:

 

[joeylittle]

@desiderata310, I'm so sorry. I can barely imagine how awful you must feel. I don't have anything smart to say, only that you know in your heart it was an accident - you didn't set out to harm the bird - and hopefully in time both you and your son will be able to see it that way. Accidents happen, and it's awful when they are this personal. Sending you lots of support.