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Angry beyond words

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Doc said I could take more gabapentin. I have it on hand for emergency anxiety. I don't take it regularly. Took 2 grams of in the past 24 hours. I think it's helping. It should sedate the crap out of me. But I could fight off a bear.

It was a good idea to fire the intern therapist for sending a staff member to show up at my workplace and announce they are not a crisis worker but they are there to talk and disrupting a training. Geez. I am glad security walked them out. I have a second clinic I started at to compare the two so I'm good with another counselor to see. I feel like this is so nutty, I got the security footage to prove it happened and ask for help on handling the emotional impact. The intern's 3 person clinic just got a really robust cease and desist for all further contact with me and anyone else about me.

I feel better after faxing that.

I'm so angry... and it was like she gave me more to be angry about. Not help for managing it. She took control from me. Or tried to.

I'm angry because of no one listening to no. No one listening. My life is shouting into the wind.
I say smash the car.
It's paid for right?
Do you need the money you would get from selling it?
If not, have it towed to a junkyard and smash the shit out of it. It's a win/win. The junkyard gets it for scrap metal and you get to get the anger out by putting it out of your life forever.

Because yes. This car - and all it represents - has haunted you for a long, long time. Maybe smashing the crap out of it with a sledgehammer is the right choice. Maybe you need a kind of cathartic ending of this particular story and all the nightmares that went along with it.

Will people say it's the wrong choice?
Who cares.
It might be the right choice for you.

Just a thought...... 💜
I paid 4x the value just to try to get him out of my life after a trespassing/assault incident... court gave me back what I paid and threw the book at him. That was good. The object is elsewhere, to get it out of my face, but the pushing is here. On everything. I am beginning to shift. But today wasn't a good day. I held lots of boundaries today. Broke doing it. I found a slow walk helped. A few people relented. I feel so much humiliation and shame.
Hey I can totally relate.
Glad the cold shower helped. You got some great support here already. Just saying I'm here too.

It does get better. Keep up the good work.

I want to break my body into all the pieces. Then it can't be hurt worse anymore. That's all I'm thinking.
I've felt this before :( sending gentle compassion and here while you work through this.
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