Anxiety About Going Home

[Smile]

I moved out of state 6 months ago and have booked a trip back home. Leaving in 2 days for one week.

I'm freaking out. My anxiety has been progressively getting worse and worse.

I'm to stay at my moms house (so help me god). My T says to look at it as lots of "opportunities" to use the exercise of mindfulness.

But this pain is too much to bear. I don't want to go back yet! I'm not strong enough.

Just wanted opinions on whether it's healthier to force myself to do it, no matter what it takes or am I allowed to just cancel?

 

[Suzetig]

Oh my goodness, of course you're allowed to cancel. If you can't manage to go back then give yourself permission not to - as for " opportunities to practice mindfulness" - I'd be bouncing that right back where it came from. One of the joys of being an adult is not having to force yourself into situations you can't or don't want to tolerate.

 

[bluebird]

I do not know your story, but to me, whenever I forced myself to visit people or places I was afraid of, the fear would only have grown stronger...

Sometimes it helped me to bring a friend with me, or just ask somebody close to call as often as possible...

You are free to cancel the flight.

Is there something you are afraid of right now, or is your fear based mostly on memories?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think if you are not ready you are not ready and cancel the trip please. Go when you feel you are able to do it or not as you please. I think you have needs and wants that are crying out for your attention. Please do so much self care right now. You are a strong person to have survived so much and lived to tell the tale.

I was forced to do so many things as a child and now I pay attention when my anxiety levels rise. It is a brave thing to be able to tell your mom you need to cancel.

Wishing the best for you at this time of difficult choices.

 

[Suzetig]

@Smile I'm sorry, when I read my post back it sounds much more direct than I intended it to. What I mean is please don't feel you need to do anything you're not comfortable with, it's ok to look after yourself first.

 

[franciemarnie]

Definitely cancel if you like. No more violence in our lives and force is a kind of violence, whether someone is applying force to you or you are doing it to you.

Doing things that make you sick do not make you stronger. It makes you sicker.

We have options now where once we had none. Yay!

 

[shimmerz]

I follow my body's reaction. Although your doctor says it is a great time to practice mindfulness, it is also a great time (and my body always tells me this by getting my head spinning, drop attacks, etc etc etc) when it is too much. Does he teach you body language of when things are too much for you? This sounds like the final exam on the first day of school to me.

 

[Justmehere]

This may be an opportunity ;) to practice listening to yourself and what you need! It's ok to need more time before going back. It may even be a really healthy choice that keeps you more on track in your healing. Maybe you will be a lot more ready in the future and really enjoy your time better.

What is holding you back from canceling?

 

[y5L]

I am headed back home this week for the first time in a year and a half (I recently posted about it!)

I feel ready to go back with the conditions I've put in place- it's only for one day, my friend is coming, and we have a fun trip planned for afterwards. I'm still anxious but it's a bearable kind of anxious. An "I'm not quite sure what will happen, but here goes" kind of anxious.

This past December there was pressure to come out for holiday stuff but I wasn't ready and knew it wouldn't be good for anyone if I went. That was a paralyzing, torturous kind of anxious. Big difference.

Only you can make the final call, but that's the whole point. You and only you get to decide that.

 

[Tinyflame]

Definitely cancel if you like. No more violence in our lives and force is a kind of violence, whether someone is applying force to you or you are doing it to you.

Doing things that make you sick do not make you stronger. It makes you sicker.

Wow @franciemarnie . True. :wideeyed: . Thank you. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yep, you're "allowed" to just cancel! You're an adult and can do whatever you want. There is no rule saying you have to go back now, or for that matter, ever. Would you expect a soldier with PTSD to go back to combat after he has healed? Would you expect a rape victim to go back to the scene of the crime after she has healed? Nope on both accounts. Why go back to the place that reminds you of the worst thing that has quite possibly ever happened to you? I don't see a need to force yourself into doing anything that causes us anxiety that isn't a necessary part of life. That is, if you were agoraphobic, I'd say push yourself through the anxiety as not leaving your home would negatively impact your life. But, this is different. If you never go home again, you can still live life to the fullest. I don't see a benefit to pushing through ALL types of anxiety. I think it is important for you to listen to your body and your body is telling you "no".

 

[Smile]

My goodness, thank you all for outpouring of understanding and support! I did cancel this morning and told my mom about it. As I figured, she was disappointed but said as much as she'd like to see me she'd rather I be happy. If I truly believe that is another story :)

@Suzetig , it's quite ironic that you apologized for your first comment because that was the EXACT thing I needed to hear. You made it sound like it's so OBVIOUSLY ok to cancel that it diminished a lot of my guilt.

Thank you all for the peace of mind... It is truly the greatest gift I could be given :)