Anxiety About Going Out For Socializing

[evergreen]

I moved to my area three years ago, and haven't really made any friends. It's a small community so there are people I am friendly acquainted with, and I even chat with them about some things in my life (girlfriend having cancer and dying, husband having heart attack, parents moving out here, troubles with daughter's school). Most of the chatting happens if I run into them at the cafe or bar or grocery store in town. We never make dates for dinners or anything like that.

Some of these people I am friendly acquainted with are on my facebook. They live in my area, and we met either in person or on the facebook page for my town. I mentioned I was needing to get out and have some fun with friends. (But I don't really have any friends here so it was a hypothetical "I need to get out and laugh with some friends".)

Not long after posting it, I had a woman (she is a midwife--pretty cool IMO) invite me out with her and another woman I know. They want me to go out Saturday night and they will pick me up. I thought it was so sweet, and so I accepted.

But now I am dreading it. I am worrying that when the time comes I won't feel like going. If I ride with them, I am stuck there until they are ready to leave. What if I feel really shy and don't have anything to say? What if --in order for me to sozialize--I have to disocciate into an outgoing friendly happy person? I can do that if I have to, but it leaves me all dizzy and drained for days!!

This is important to me. I really feel I need to go--kind of like exposure therapy. I sit around often upset that I have no companionship, yet I push any companionship away when it comes to me.

Does anyone else hold back from social relationships out of fear, but then feel lonely? That's what I do--and I am tired of it.

I am going to work hard on staying grounded and centered so I can go out Saturday night--in a relaxed state--and enjoy being a woman around other women.

 

[cherryblossom]

I totally understand what you mean. I frequently socially isolate myself, and as a result don't have many true friends. But . . . I just try to bite the bullet and do it anyway. It is a kind of exposure therapy, I guess.

Try not to dwell on worst case scenario. Think how great it will be to meet and have conversation and fun with other women in your area. They have reached out the hand of friendship to you - enjoy it!

I sincerely hope you go through with your outing, just try to be yourself. There's no harm in telling them that you are a little anxious around new people. I'm sure they'll put you at ease. They want to get to know you, they want you in their company - all very positive, so go out and enjoy yourself. You are so much more than just PTSD, just anxiety etc. Think about your positives (make a list!), be confident. You are worthy of meeting and making new friends.

Good luck :D

 

[evergreen]

Cherryblossom,
I am happy to see you are still here posting! Thank you for your wise words to me :)

I didn't end up going out tonight. I had something that I think is a temporal lobe seizure in the morning while I was sleeping. Then I was so sick to my stomach for hours. So I cancelled and told them if I felt better in the afternoon, I would go. I did want to go. I like these ladies. They are midwives and I am totally into that stuff. (home birth midwives) It would do me some good to have females for bonding. I know I could talk to them to tell them I'm nervous.

But one of the ladies called me and we chatted on the phone. As it turns out, none of us were feeling well so no one was up to going. It was nice to chat with her on the phone.


It does feel good that some ladies around here have felt drawn to spend time with me and get to know me better. It's a total plus that they have similar interests.