Anxious. Anxious. Always Anxious.

[DissociativeJunkie]

I seem to be anxious every moment that I am conscious. Work terrifies me. They have no idea what it takes for me to go in every day and talk to people. Today I got my monthly review and I'm the worst performer in my department and they would cut back my hours if they could. I thought I was doing amazing. But....And now I'm anxious about tomorrow. Because now I know I suck. And I'm even more terrified than I have been. I've been trying to inform my supervisors and managers of my disorders and how they effect me, but I get brushed off. The one manager told me that I don't need to tell her every detail of my personal life. After I told her I was going to get tested for seizures. I'm just...this is affecting me and my performance. It isn't me, its the disorder. I want them to understand this. But now I'm scared of opening up...because when I did I just totally got shot down and they have no clue how much courage it took to bring up those issues to begin with.

I know I can do better at work...but I'm scared. I'm very, very, scared. I'm socially phobic. Maybe retail isn't the right job for me. I'm not a natural sales person. I don't look at people as dollar signs. But as people. I'm tired of being constantly anxious and on edge. Afraid to speak. Afraid to make eye contact. I really push myself by being as friendly as possible, but no one realizes what's going on inside me and how I want to hide and cry in the back stock room.

 

[Justmehere]

Retail sales is a very tough environment. Hugs to you if you accept them.

 

[DissociativeJunkie]

I'm not sure I'm cut out for retail, especially with my social phobia. I'm doing the best I can...I've been pushing myself, and it breaks my heart that it isn't enough. They don't realize how I'm struggling. I'm speaking to my manager today to get him to understand what I'm going through right now.

 

[Justmehere]

Are you looking for specific accommodations under the ADA?

You may not be able to "get him" to understand... Be careful how you proceed. Disability discrimination is real, and if they have already shown a pattern of not understanding, it may backfire. It could also work out well if he is willing to understand and perhaps work out some accommodations that could help you do better on the job.

In retail, at the end of the day, the bottom line is key. That doesn't make you a bad person for struggling to do an already very difficult job. I couldn't be in retail with my symptoms right now.

But if you can approach him with an explanation as to why you have been struggling and a plan to improve, and/or make request from him for more training or mentoring, that may go a long ways to making life easier for you, and get him the better returns he wants.

 

[DissociativeJunkie]

PERFECT. I will tell him this. It's better than the slop I was trying to put together.