Relationship Any advice would be sincerely appreciated.

[Struggling supporter]

You can't help him. He must help himself.

Sounds like typical PTSD push/pull to me.

...[/QUOTE]
Based on the research I have done- I agree. Totally pulling me in and when I get to close or he begins to feel a little peace he pushes me away.

Thankfully we are at a point where after an episode- we can talk about it. Our first 9 months together- I thought it was me... I was doing something wrong. But it’s not me. I currently feel like we are on the same page and fighting for the same thing... happiness and peace.

 

[Freida]

If hubby believed me every time I said I was taking off we would have broken up a long time ago. Though I have bailed a few times along the way I'm usually only gone a few days and then come back. His best reaction is when he just says that if I move to another country he wants to come along for the change of scenery. He handles my threats by basically ignoring them. I work it out eventually and we move forward.

But. I will admit that it NEVER dawned on me how he felt about it until I came here and started reading the threads from the supporters side. I had no idea how much of an impact my threats to take off affected others. It was pretty eye opening. So is possible your guy doesn't realize how you hear what he is saying -- if that makes sense

 

[Sweetpea76]

@Freida, mine, I shit you not, said something about going to a Buddhist monastery in Oregon a few weeks ago. I didn't even bat an eye.

 

[Freida]

@Sweetpea76 That is awesome!!! Points for creativity! My go to for a long time was working at mcmurdo base in Antarctica. Hubby would just roll his eyes lol.

 

[New]

@Struggling supporter I think you are so amazing to reach out on here. It shows how much you care.

I also recommend you reading the article on here titled PTSD cup. I’ll try and link it shortly. It greatly helped me understand myself and my husband understand my stress.

My husband usually ignores me too and just listens or acts like it. One of the sweetest and best things if has ever said is that no matter what he will never leave me. I tell him the same stuff yours tells you that he deserves someone better and blah blah. He always come back with no matter what I say I am stuck with him. It’s always great to hear.

On the flip side.... you also have to care for your own mental health and deserve to be treated well and with respect. My husband will put me in my place too when I need it but he waits until I’m past the bad spell.

Hope this helps.

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/

 

[CrossingMyLine]

Hi, I can tell you that when I pushed my husband away it had very little to do with him. He just let me vent and gave me space. I’m very grateful that he didn’t let me push him away; but things only started improving when I finally addressed my C-PTSD. It might help if you gently encourage him to help himself or get help. When he’s feeling like a self-advocate he will have a better sense of control and safety. That’s probably what he needs - to feel safe and cared for so he can face his “demons”. I suggest you set reasonable and firm boundaries and adjust them as he recovers (I truly wish you both the best). Take care.

 

[Sighs]

@Freida & @Sweetpea76 - mine's most recent plan was to travel to South Africa to defend white farmers against "land redistribution" violence. I actually emailed him the page on how to get a visa. :whistling::whistling:

 

[Freida]

Love that!! and yea - getting permission kind of takes the fun out of it - just sayin :):)

 

[NaeNae75]

I've been doing the same dance with my vet for 8.5 years.... right now included. Last week he couldn'tsay enough nice things, this week it's we can't be together because I he feels dread every day. It's pretty horrible to be told, but then he realizes I'm not causing these feelings, his hijacked amygdala is.

It sucks in the middle of it, but his good days outnumber the bad ones. Hopefully it's like this for you too. But all the logic in the world doesn't make it feel betteror make sense when you're in the thick of it. Hugs!