Any Practical Suggestions? Work, Exhaustion, Spontaneous Si, At The End Of My Rope

[Abstract]

Hmmm... Lost a long post again! Computer overheated and shut down! :confused:

 

[Abstract]

I don't think SU and related stuff is nits at all and think it is perfectly understandable and even logical in certain contexts and is merely a perceived solution to unbearable pain and despair without hope of getting help or it changing. It absolutely does not deserve shame or any of those things in my opinion!!


And it sounds like you are saying that when you become despairing that those feelings trigger you into re experiencing some aspects of your SU attempt where you obviously felt similar feelings of despair and hopelessness. Is that right? Especially the physical symptoms.

And I totally relate to the feelings about asking for help and not receiving it. For me now I would rather suffer anything than ask for help and be let down. The pain of that in the past was awful.


Quote: "Maybe those things don't deserve or 'require' the same amount of (self) shame, as they do seeing them in the light that they were, the background, the perceived options, the attempts at getting help that failed. " Yes!!! Absolutely.

Quote: "It was, or is, related to the context. Putting the choices then into the context then; recognizing some of the feelings now go back to remembering or self-blaming without giving weight to the context those past choices were made in." Yes!!


And shame and self judgement is the very fabric of depression and hopelessness so it keeps the whole cycle going and going. The awful original pain is bad enough but when I can accept it, not fight it, work with it, it is tolerable to a point. When I heap all the rest on top it generates so much pain and self hatred and hopelessness that SU again seems like the only way out.

I am sad that shame stops you from posting a question on a new thread when you need input. I understand those feelings. You have come very far as I remember not long ago you did not used to post your own stuff at all. Talking about the un-shareable and the shame in a place where you are likely to be heard and supported is something very helpful to do. Because then you find that you don't deserve it and there are always others who relate.

:hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you, Dear Abstract, and for posting after it disappearing, am always too tired to try again to post when that happens.

Thank you for your "yes's", if you agree. And yikes, I have said more (always) here than pretty much anywhere, I think (I also thought!)

Yes, well, that's sort of it, think the chain of events is, stress causes physical symptoms-> those same physical symptoms occurred (some) directly after when I made it (that day- which I never remembered 'how' I felt physically til today- gosh knows it's been 30 years), and all that together reminded me of how I felt pre-S, which is like now: floundering, voiceless, powerless to change it despite efforts. And then, I feel more ashamed (now) because I connect how I feel now to then plus the shame generated by thoughts of anything to do with 'back then' (especially the S and all that led to that point, or the fact I was 'weak' enough to end up there. Not to mention I have no idea how I made it, technically never ever should have). So it's sort of linear- in a roundabout-and-backwards-then-forwards-typical-ptsd-way!! :rolleyes:

Thanks so much Dear Dear A, :hug:.

 

[Tinyflame]

PS, you are Very Sweet and kind about all this 'stuff', Thanks so much. :) :inlove: :hug:

 

[Abstract]

Junebug. :hug::inlove:

 

[Abstract]

I have lots of scary challenging thoughts for you :D but need my brain in order to share them. So when my brain returns then I will be back!

 

[Tinyflame]

Hee, yay. :p:tup::happy:

Thank you Sweet A. PS, bring mine along if you see it also..? :) :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thinking of you Junebug. Wishing you the very best with your healing process. I am glad you missed the violence between your sister and her boyfriend. You are under so much stress, I am worried about you. Please take good care of yourself. You deserve so much good. I wish for you peace of mind, body, soul, and spirit and mind. Big hugs.

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh dear gizmo, how kind you are, same for you! {{{{{{ Gizmo }}}}}}. (Bear Hug, xox).

 

[Abstract]

:hug::inlove::)

 

[Tinyflame]

:)

Sweet dreams for now, Dear Ones.:angelic: :inlove::hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Well, heard it on the grape vine today, my decent Team Mgr quit anyway, last day was friday. :( Can't blame him however, not worth not only the aggravation or stress but esp his health or marriage. Bringing in a woman from the US, not surprising as push is to privatize services.

Also, must change as simple fact is phasing out anyone who isn't going to drive, and I won't be able to. Tried to contact a new Opthamologist (re: surgery), but not an option 3rd time. (Though that would only be cosmetic, no change for vision- but then I could try to 'cheat'). I could potentially fight it on human rights grounds, as I self-disclosed it before I was hired, but they also have the right to manage, as they wish.

Or, if I got re-certified, could work in a facility or Hospital. However, that's precisely part of why I didn't pursue Medicine or Nursing, absolutely despise Hospitals- Triggerville. Actually, Health Care is too, so I would probably really respond to working in another field without the triggers, if by a miracle it can transpire one day.