General Any Thoughts On How To Stop Ptsd From Dragging The Partner Down Too???

[Sunshine71]

Dear all again (!)

How do you cope with not being dragged down when your partner is going through a slump or in a dark place?

I am such a bubbly person and now my hubbies PTSD has eaten away at me and I am not the person I was either.

I can feel the 'huge black cloud' even when I am in another room. I am worried that our son knows too.

Any thoughts on how to stop it dragging the partner down too???

Thank you for being there Sunshine x

 

[amethist]

It does drag you down Sunshine, though we wish it didn't.

I know you work from home, which must be hard having to get on with your work, but knowing that in the other room is a man who could do with more help and support than you can give him.

Does he get any support from a CPN at all, as being in the UK, he should have been allocated one. But then again, maybe not, each area being different, and not very much understanding of PTSD in many of them.

I hope you can find a way to brighten yours and your sons life up, away from home if you have to. Not the best solution, but sometimes the only one.

 

[Tabitha]

Not much advice to give because I'm in the same situation. I used to be such a perky and happy all the time kind of person, but when she's in one of her "moods" then it brings me down too.

I've tried more than once to keep my positive attitude up around her but it just doesn't happen. It's not always like that but for the most part it happens. I just try to stay optimistic that the "mood" will pass and all will be fine again.

 

[Nicolette]

You project what you are surrounded by so therefore it is naturally hard not to be drawn into the vortex.

On the days I work from home I try and close the door and pretend I am at work and cannot talk to Anthony (when he is ill) although often easier said than done when you want a drink, food etc.

He used to say he liked me going to work, as in out the door. Sometimes I am glad for it, when he is ill, as I find I can be happier when I am not around him and not too focused on something I can't control (though wish I could take the monster away).

For me the most frustrating times are when you see situations and you know what the result will be so you are already hanging on for the roller coaster ride before it begins. While it helps to be prepared, sometimes it's best not to with this as you are then already in a different mindset prior to the storm. I don't know the answer other than someone find a cure for PTSD please.........

 

[wife of]

Don't ask me...finding the holy grail would be easier at times...lol...only joking. Hang onto your sense of humour.x

 

[simplekindofgirl]

I do not know what it is like to be on that side of the fence. But I feel it from my partner. He is struggling, and though he is doing so gracefully, I know that my mood, my challenges are now his as well. It is a difficult battle. I can tell you, at least for me, I do not mean to cause him any fear, any grief, or any pain. I have enough of those things for the both of us.

He often says things that indicate that it is difficult, and I am paraphrasing here, things such as "I don't make you happy", "I am failing you", "what can I do, I look over at you and I see that you are miserable and it must be my fault since I am the one that is here." But the honest truth is, I am happy being with him. He smiles, and I can smile. But soon after, I find that he is no longer able to smile while he is beside me.

I wish that I had an answer, but I do not. The only thing that I can say is, keep trying. Find something of your own that makes you happy outside of your significant other- and bring it back to show them how happy you are. My better half does this for me, and it does help for a while. Happiness can often be as infection as sadness, even if only for a while. Then remember that happy moment when it becomes difficult again. It is only a stepping stone, but at least it gives you a footing to keep you marching in the right direction.

 

[wife of]

I must admit I have let my own interests slide over this last year.It never occured to me before that he would take this as a sign that I was down and therefore tip him futher down the spiral,thank you skog,that's something I can work on!

 

[newbie2011]

It is hard not to let it consume all your thoughts. I work alone and find it hard to keep motivated as I find myself constantly thinking and analyzing - wish I could switch off and leave it behind, if only it were that easy.
I try and catch up with friends but they all ask me how I'm feeling and I'm fed up listening to myself talking about the situation so god knows how they feel listening!

Don't know how you feel but I've found it has knocked my confidence slightly and I'm more insecure than I was but at the moment I am trying to do things that make me happy and concentrate on trying to build my confidence. I've found doing active sports help - when I'm down I hit the gym and take my frustrations out there :)

 

[Sunshine71]

Thanks everyone - I havent been able to check in for a few days.

Last week I had to call the Mental Health Team out and it was so bad that they even came the same day.

The guy was actually a council worker and after being with us for about 2 hours I even saw hubby smile and laugh. Earlier he couldnt even speak to me.

Things eased off slightly but now not so good again.

I am scared that I am being dragged down too.

He says that he doesnt have feelings and just doesnt care about anything.

I think that as well as being part of PTSD this could be an effect of the anti depressant medication??

He worked flat out yesterday making an amazing dinner for my sisters birthday - now he says he only did that to keep his mind occupied.

Our son is having a sleep over round his nans tonight. So what are we doing for a much needed evening to ourselves?

I am looking at the PTSD forum and I think he is now asleep after saying that he just doesnt care about anything any more.

Can you love someone, hate yourself and not care about anything???

Thank you amazing people.

With love Sunshine

 

[amethist]

Sometimes the medication can have worse effects than the PTSD Sunshine. My husband has just spent the best part of the last 12 weeks, slowly reducing his to a level he can think, feel and function at.

Maybe he is feeling like a lifeless zombie, because of the medication. I have just asked him how he felt on the higher does, his reply is.

"I wanted to be left alone to get on with it. I could not be bothered about you or anything. Now I have a life again, still got loads of work to do, but can do it with a clear head now".

He loved me, but did not really care whether I was here or not. Did not care if he was clean or if he ate, just slobbed about and did not give a damn.

Now he is coming back to me, which is good for both of us.

So down from 60mg of Paroxetine every morning to just 20mg.

Though I would not suggest he does this without support from those who know.

 

[Sunshine71]

Thank you amazing Amethist.

Its quite amazing as my hubby reduced his anti depressant from 60 to 20 - perhaps the same one???

He did start to feel much better.

Then he didnt and they advised to take it to 30

This is when we are now seeing him go down again.

Hubby has also mentioned about being confused - so maybe this is opposed to having a clear head.

Thanks again Amethist.

Sunshine xx