Anyone Else Experience This?

[EvenStrongerNow]

A couple of days ago, I had a high surge of motivation to the point of desperation. It felt like a bunch of energy trapped inside of me, all these thoughts rolling around in my head of how I should be so full of life and doing this, that and the other.

But I felt trapped asking myself why it is so hard to do anything. It is like my vibrant self is trapped and cant get out even though I want to so badly. I got really frustrated, panicked, and then the negative thoughts plummeted. That night, I crashed hard into a depression and today, Ive been feeling like that depression fog. You know like when you walk on your porch and see the world in action yet it seems so bleak and so unreal?

It is like Im watching life pass me by or something.

Nothing is wrong with my life currently, literally nothing except that Im finding it hard to land a job after professional school.

Is this chemical? Does anyone else go through this?

 

[KatB]

I certainly can't relate to all of your post, but I do understand your point on life passing by and seems totally unreal. I find myself there as well. I've been a downward spiral of depression lately, I guess because of all the traumas and current situations. I think my turn will come around soon.

I can relate to your point on the fact the inability to do much of anything anymore. Oh boy! I've gotten mad to the point where I throw things around and I get mad at myself for even doing that. Maybe, it's only natural and because of the things that we have been through but the guilt and shame become like a broken record in our brains. I stillllllll have a long way to go but I am learning and doing things, one foot in front of the other.

 

[piratelady]

I have felt that way from time to time. When I feel that way, I try to pick one of the smaller things I feel like I need to do. That helps to give me a sense of accomplishment and sometimes it helps me to do a few more things. The act of actually doing something helps me feel less depressed about what isn't going right or what I'm not able to do.

 

[Abstract]

Often when I experience something like that I think it has happened for no reason but when I make myself write about my experiences and feelings over the week before then I almost always hit on something that is playing through in my mind. Being able to do this although I really struggle with it has enabled me to manage my depression symptoms and suicidal feelings a lot.

I still get them sweeping over me when I am triggered and have "lesser" suicidal thoughts a lot but it isn't at the same intensity. Remember that thoughts and feelings create chemical changes in the body and brain. Its just for me I easily get very disconnected from both and don't realise what is happening. Connecting the dots and realising and allowing the true emotions underneath is the single most effective thing that I found helps many problems for me.

But then it possibly could just be chemical for some.

 

[safenow]

I agree with what Abstract said. Writing about what has been going on during the past week can help you see what you don't realize brough up those feelings.

 

[devildoc130]

I agree with both piratelady and Abstract. Something simmilar happens to me..I'll feel extremely motivated from time to time. Then out of nowhere I "crash" and I'm super depressed. Thoughts start flowing through my head When this happnes to me it's out of the blue. Nothing really triggers it.

I used to be numb to a lot of things and once I started opening up about my PTSD with my psychiatrist that's when the "roller coaster" ride began. I've been diagnosed with PTSD for 2 years now. I just try to keep myself busy and my mind open. It seems like when I have nothing to do or I'm bored my mind wonders. Just try and stay focused on the positive things. Everything takes time. Everyday is a new day.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Thanks so much for the support. It has been a little better. I decided Im going to try one more job interview in my field. If it doesnt pan out, Im just going to apply for something else so I have some structure.

Today, I suddenly had the urge to take out all the garbage and I swept and scrubbed the kitchen floor, all the walls and cabinets and did the dishes! Tough work but it made me feel accomplished.

It is mostly nighttime that I feel very depressed and also very needy with my husband. He says he doesn't mind but I decided to plan a tea house trip with 2 of my girlfriends tonight so we can discuss what has been going on with all of our feelings lately. Im trying to get a buddy system going so we can all help eachother out with showing up, calling each other when we feel down, etc. The support here is wonderful! Thanks again :)