Anyone Else Feeling Unsupported?

[Chava]

Sometimes it feels to me like everyone else here knows how to ask for support better than I do

Asking for support and learning how to do it has been a big challenge for me!!!!

 

[shimmerz]

Asking for support and learning how to do it has been a big challenge for me!!!!

That is, in part, the nature of the beast though, is it not? Most of us aren't very good at asking for, let alone accepting support. Isn't that one of the reasons the supporters suffer through their sufferer's running away during trying times?

 

[shimmerz]

I'm paranoid too!!

I challenge (with all due respect) your use of the word paranoid in this context. Protecting your identity is smart, not paranoid imho.

 

[ihateusernames]

The internet is difficult. While I'm glad I found this site and it's really helped me form some insight into my own experiences, I feel a constant tug away from it. I guess it's distrust and insecurity. I don't want to put my innermost thoughts and my dirty little- and not so little- secrets out there for a bunch of strangers to pick apart and stomp on. And then I never feel anonymous. I always think somebody will figure me out. So I understand very well, I think we probably all do, that it is hard to put yourself out there and then to not get the kind of response you were hoping for really just serves to reaffirm all of your fears.

While I'm admittedly still pretty scared of this group, I'll tell you what often helps me in other situations- is to step outside of myself and see the bigger picture. Each person here (or in any other group) is an individual with their own entire set of complex issues that have nothing to do with my own. Where often I don't know what to say or say the wrong thing, often they do, too. Where I sometimes see things only in light of my own experience and completely miss somebody else's point, so do they. It's hard to see things from that perspective when you're really struggling, of course, but as others have said- that is the nature of the beast. There are so many people out there, all different, it's best to look at it objectively. It might be impossible to not be hurt by it, but I think it makes it better to understand why things are the way that they are.

Hopefully that makes sense. I'm having a hard time finding the words to get my point across.

 

[illusionist]

Just the other week I felt I couldn't ask for support, I've been extremely solitary in my journey ( from childhood and nearing 50 now) . I was on the verge of running from a very secure, loving, long term relationship and knew I didn't want to, but fear overpowered me. I posted, but couldn't quite get out how desperate I felt. So, I decided to pm a very special lady on here whom I felt I could speak of my desperation and totally open up to (very hard thing to do). Amazingly she helped me a great deal, was able to turn my thinking right round , and I am no longer consumed by thoughts of running. She truly saved my relationship, and saved me from consequences of my possible actions ( dread to think).



What I'm trying to get across is that it is ok to pm anyone on here and reach out.....it is ok to ask..I've finally learned that!

 

[Spiderallis]

I know I'm much more likely to offer support and encouragement if I see the person posting regularly. I'll try even harder to find a way to help them if I remember them helping me or someone else in the past. It's like that "To have a friend, you have to be a friend" cliche. I've got my own stuff to deal with, if I choose to offer some of my energy towards supporting or helping someone else, I'd like to avoid it being a wasted effort.

 

[intothelight]

when people criticized my writing because I asked a question to get more support, I felt hurt.

I have a tendency to take things very literally and when someone asks a question, I do my best to offer suggestions that may be helpful. If I don't have any or don't know where to direct them, I don't answer. By providing a suggestion, I view that as support. Support can come in many forms, but sometimes is isn't clear what the poster is looking for, so all we can do is respond based upon what is written.

 

[anonymous]

I am a different "anonymous" than the OP. The post I refer to I was "Anonymous" so I have to be here, too.

I posted about having a hard time reaching out for help. I was a bit surprised that only two people responded. Two? I think that a lot more people have a hard time reaching out for help, so I'm not sure why I only got two responses! So in that sense, your post is a bit more of a success than mine. Then again, your topic is a bit different than mine, too.

But yes, I do think that support here on the forum is definitely going through a downturn. I've seen the nastiness that is going on and to be honest, I am a bit surprised as I never noticed this stuff before. I'm learning that I need to go elsewhere for help because the truth is that just because someone else has the same disorder doesn't mean that they are going to reach out and lend a hand. Some people are here for very selfish reasons and never even bother to try and help anyone else. Sad but true.

 

[sun seeker]

I think that a lot more people have a hard time reaching out for help, so I'm not sure why I only got two responses!

I'm not sure what the post was so don't know whether I answered it or not. If there were only two people who did, likely not, and I'm sorry.

Having said that, I am more inclined to give cursory responses to anonymous posts than if I know who is posting. It's partly for the reason @Spiderallis says: I'm more inclined to put energy into people I know. There is a different exchange of energies that happens in an ongoing relationship. It doesn't mean I ignore everyone else, but if I can't respond to every thread, my time goes more into responding to people who post a lot so I have more of a sense of who they are, and to those who tend to answer my posts. I've posted anonymously once or twice and understand the reasons for doing so, but at the same time it adds another layer of insulation that separates people. Sometimes we need that, but it does feel more impersonal.

 

[Chava]

@shimmerz you're right...just protecting my anonymity. The paranoid bit being that I actually think friends or family who have nothing to do with ptsd are really going to find me on this site and even know me by my snail picture.

 

[reallydown]

I haven't had time to go through all the posts yet but I wanted to say, this is something that probably happens to all of us at some point on the forum, as well as IRL...There are lots of people here - some sufferers, some supporters and others...Everyone is at a different place in terms of their own journey/healing etc...And of course, with so many people, there are bound to be those who get it and those who don't. Sometimes people get triggered on the forum too and need to take breaks or they avoid posts that are about traumas that are similar tot heir own...then again, others seek out those with similar experiences. I would sometimes feel alone because I had not come across anyone with the same type of trauma as me and, not exactly being a picture of mental stability, that would lead to all sorts of thoughts...including, occasionally, paranoid ones - not to say that any of the above are - just sharing my experience. I do hope you'll stay on, Anonymous.

 

[anonymous]

I am the second "anon" who posted previously, not the OP.

Yes, I have noticed that the Anon posts get less feedback. Then again, non-Anon posts sometimes don't get much feedback, either.

@sun seeker you did not reply to my post. https://www.myptsd.com/threads/i-dont-know-how-to-ask-for-what-i-want-need.51764/ I'm still a bit surprised that I only got two responses.

Not replying to the Anon posts is a bit of a slap in the face to some of us......I think that was sort of the point in WHY I posted as Anon.....I mean I was afraid to reach out for help (the topic of the thread itself!) and then only got a few replies, one of which told me it was a therapy issue. Well, yes, I know its a therapy issue but not everyone has the luxury of going to therapy. Sort of why I posted here.

Awhile ago JustMeHere posted about how people tend to reply to certain kinds of topics, ie the ones that are a bit more controversial while the ones where people reach out for help are oftentimes largely ignored. Its as if WE are replicating the behavior that is seen in society..... React to the sensational stuff (ie on every social media site out there) but ignore those who have genuine problems. Isn't this what has been done to ALL of us? So why do we do it to each other?