Anyone Have These Memory Problems?

[falling]

I've had PTSD for over 12 yrs stemming from a rape that occurred in my college years but I have recently remembered being sexually abused as a child and have major depression and all the ugly symptoms of PTSD again.

Since I've been struggling with PTSD and depression I have been very forgetful and unable to concentrate. I will often forget simple things like dates, parts of conversations, names of objects(ie, spoon, keys, toast). It makes me question myself and I find it very confusing and embarrassing. I am concerned but what am I suppose to do? The other day for instance I meant to say-You lucked out but I said-You looked out. I couldn't remember the proper saying. And I said precipitation, meaning to say participation. I forget numbers, postal codes, where I parked the car. I even forgot how old my nephew is and it took me a few minutes to remember my daughters birth date the other day! As you can guess this makes for some raised eyebrows from my bf and Sister. Whom I spend most of my time with. I ended up having to tell my Sister what I was dealing with because I was being so "spacey" around her. She said I've been 'off' for sometime now. :(

Yet, I remember MANY MORE details from my childhood. After my growing concern about my memory problems I had a conversation with my mother asking her to confirm the details I remember during the time I was 5'ish yrs old. That's when I was sexually abused by my babysitter. I was starting to wonder if I was accurate with my memories of being sexually abused. I was hoping I was just dreaming it up or something....She confirmed EVERY LAST DETAIL. I can remember things from that time so clearly. I can remember smells of my kindergarten classroom, my bubble bath, the air freshener my Mom used in our bathroom, the layout of each place I stayed, my childhood friends names, the name of my babysitter, the fact that the sitter was a girl but acted and looked like a boy....I'd go into more detail but it is to hard.

My question is this-Has anyone else had similar memory problems? Isn't it odd that I can remember so much detail from the times I've been abused but forget things about the present time in my life?

 

[Barberian]

My short term memory is often very, very bad. But if a memory makes it over to long term, I'm pretty good at remembering things. If a situation is emotionally charged, I remember everything, almost like a photographic memory as long as I wasn't overwhelmed.

I can forget where I'm going in he length of a block when I'm driving. I can forget what I'm doing in the distance of getting out of my chair and stepping into the next room. Names, birthdays, dates, where I put my wallet and keys... I'm terrible with it.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Falling,

Sorry to hear there was more and it has loomed up and opened everything up again.

I totally relate to what you describe. It's very annoying isn't it? I set my phone alarm for absolutely everything as I don't trust myself one bit but that of course doesn't help one remember the correct word at the correct time and myriad of other things.

After trying to figure this all out of the last couple of years I have come to the following for me:

• A lot of it is related to dissociation. I am just not totally present and my levels of consciousness are often not ideal. When like that keeping my mind on track is hard.
• My mind is filled with the past. It is hard to focus on little things when my brain is filled with other things.
• High stress levels apparently turn off our cognitive abilities. When we are in amygdala mode then we are in emotional mode and rational clear and organised thought is more difficult.
• I loose my confidence in remembering things because of the rest and that adds to the problem. A bit of a self fulfilling prophecy.
• Insomnia. Lack of sleep affects cognitive function.

Stress hormones are very powerful. They change the way our body and brain works. Traumatic memories are very different as they are stored totally differently to the way you store the location you parked your car in.

I truly sympathise as it is very frustrating. It is a battle not to hate myself and feel like I am very stupid. At one point before I knew about the PTSD I thought there was something seriously wrong with my brain!

was being so "spacey" around her.

Do you think you could be experiencing low levels of dissociation more than you realise?

 

[Abstract]

Sending you much support Falling.

 

[franciemarnie]

I know that old memories are stored in a different part of the brain than new memories, and that when in various stages of being triggered - some parts of the brain dim and others light up so I figure that has something to do with it when I too can't remember or can't find the words when "normally" I'm pretty articulate. I can usually write no matter what so that ability might be sequestered in a safe place even when I'm dissociating.

The brain is complex. And so is PTSD.

No pun intended!

 

[franciemarnie]

Actually just realized that the reason I can find words when I'm in a bad place and writing is because then I'm alone, but if my PTSD has been activated and I'm talking with people - and I don't feel most people as safe as a rule - then I won't find the words. So probably my language abilities when writing are not sequestered elsewhere. It's that I'm sequestered elsewhere - alone and "safe".

Now I realize why I have trouble communicating when I'm talking with my brother.

 

[euca]

Hi falling. I just wanted to tell you that I experience the same thing. Especially with the words - that really resonated with me! I can remember every detail of the two years following my specific trauma, the fallout, the medical stuff, the police, the courts, the difficulty, people's names, addresses...everything and that is 15+years ago now. My day to day memory is awful. I went up the stairs to get my handbag to get my keys to drive to school 3 times this morning, each time I got up there I couldn't remember why I was there.

I am new to the idea of dissociation but I'm starting to realise that my mind is often more 'there' than 'here'. If I'm not actively thinking about that time, then I am actively trying not to think about that time ie fearing triggers and trying to avoid them. When preoccupied with these pretty enormous things is it any wonder that remembering to buy milk gets lost. My answer to day to day issues is to try to make lists the night before and I have a day book in my kitchen where I jot things down all the time. But like another poster said, that doesn't help me with remembering the right word in a pressure moment.

I'm sorry your memories have expanded to include something so awful as childhood abuse. Tread carefully and be kind to yourself.

 

[cavy]

Hi, guess what I'm going to say!!

It is a real pain and sometimes embarrasing to, sometimes it can be extremely funny especially if I get two words the wrong way round in a sentence. Until my family understood the reasons why I did this they kept pointing it out which just made me feel worse, now they know they have stopped pointing out my mistakes.

Phone apps are brilliant, it was suggested to me to write things down which I tried but, when you cannot remember that you have written anything down in the first place .....:eek::(. My phone has a calander where you can put things in like you would a diary, the best bit is that you can set a reminder which I have found to be helpful.

Lots of people on here have the same problems, which I find reassuring to know.

 

[EverOnly358]

Falling,

I've had memory problems, too, and been unable to bring up easy to remember facts... oh, and that thing where I would think I was saying one thing but it would come out totally different, that too. That was all really bad about a year ago. But it's gotten better. I'm being more active in dealing with my emotions and not trying to push all my trauma under a rug. I believe (but I'm no expert) that these memory problems can be a symptom of PTSD. It takes a lot of energy to deal with past trauma and trauma related responses (like hypervigilance, dissociation, triggers and such). And perhaps that's why... maybe, like, our brains can't keep up with all the demands.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Obviously, you're not alone, and I know that knowing that is the #1 thing that makes me feel better. Take good, good care of yourself. You deserve it! Oh, and I write everything down. Just the process of writing (even if I don't refer back to the notebook about it again later) helps me remember. That may be because I'm a visual learner, I dunno. I guess, that may or may not work for you, but it's worth a try.

I hope this helps, (God, I just hope it makes sense! :))
D

 

[In_the_flesh]

Sure do.

 

[Britt.f7]

I've been like this forever. I think some of it is aging and some of it is that is just how my brain works or doesn't work. My husband always has some alarm going off on his phone to remind him of things. We are in our 40's. I think, especially with the way life is, this is a normal occurrence. That's why you see all those ad's for vitamins for concentration or games to help keep your mind functioning well. I just know his grandmother lived in her 90's quick as a whip, and she made sure to stay active. My grandmother, who was more isolating, had more issues with memory. Lately my husband has been having difficulty finding words for things, so I asked him to get a physical. He needed one anyhow and it won't hurt to do so.

Working in a nursing home many people had memory problems like this. They could remember everything long term, sometimes getting caught up in thinking it to be reality. But short term they couldn't always remember their name.

 

[Orglethorp]

Ugh, the forgetting simple words thing. Yes, I've experienced that. It's always worst when I'm going through an episode of depression, but I find that it hasn't ever completely gone away. I've also noticed that I pause mid-sentence for no reason, and that this behavior comes in spurts, and I think it's a similar issue. Unfortunately, I don't have any suggestions for dealing with it, because I've been wondering that myself for a long time.