Apathy And Lack Of Motivation

[Pietro]

For a while, now, I can't seem to get motivated to do very much of anything. Nothing seems interesting, worthwhile, exciting, etc.

It's like there's an internal war inside of me, running through all of the things that I need do, all the things that I want to do, and, because there's so much, no decisions ever get made. So I do nothing, and I feel like crap because of it.

I know that part of it is being tired and burned-out -- every other week, I'm a single-parent to two special-needs kids, and I work full-time. On the opposite weeks, my schedule is somewhat lighter, but it almost seems like I spend a lot of time just recovering from the previous week. I guess I wish that the "recovery" could be quicker, or could involve something other than isolating.

My therapist has said that, often, lack of motivation is a sign of repressed anger that needs to be released, and, in my case, I think this may be true -- but I haven't had much luck accessing this anger.

Just curious as to whether anyone else has problems with apathy and motivation, and if you've had any success in combating it. :)

 

[saffy]

Hi Pietro

Sounds like your head is spinning with hard to make decisions and negative hopes. Sorry to hear this. :(

I am not surprised that you feel burnt out. What a lot of responsibilities and effort you are putting in to keep your family healthy and happy.

But what about you? what about your needs? What are your needs?

Its so easy to loose sight of yourself when in circumstances like yours. Not a lot of time for just you, eh.

What is it that makes you angry? Are you frustrated too?

I wish could help more. Is there anyone to help with your children to give you some free time?

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[JustBe]

I have no anger and have drastically simplified my life but I struggle with apathy daily. Hang in there Pietro.

 

[Life_in_the_Mist]

Major, major problem with this on my end. For me it seems to have to do with how shut down and dissociated I am, also maybe with PTSD-induced difficulty concentrating. I feel like everything inside me is slowed down, so where someone else could say, clean the bathroom in half an hour, it takes me days to finish all the different parts of doing that.

You are not alone.

 

[Becca2904]

Hey, I don't know why or what to do about it but I can tell you I suffer the exact same thing. Before my trauma I used to love being busy all the time and had alot of drive to be successful in my career. Now I'm missing and messing up opportunities left right and centre and I don't know why I've stopped caring.

 

[saffy]

HI all,

I don't know why I've stopped caring.

I have started to hear this a lot. I also lost all interest in things I thought I liked and was focused on before.

Had my priorities changed so that something I cared about before seem trivial and unimportant?

I realised how much of my time was taken focusing on the wrong things in the hope it would make me happy. When things started to make sense about my past I realised I was working and putting in effort to do the wrong things for me in the end. It was all about making someone else happy, by trying to get approval, accepted, seen as a better person. It took my full time and it kept me busy and interesting in what I though was a goal to happiness.

I suppose I realised that it did not in the end. It kept me busy and focused but not happy.

So I started not to 'care' about the things I used to, lost interest or just could not motivate myself to do anything, what was the point. It obviously was more of a way of daily life rut and based on the judgement of others rather than a feeling of security and personal achievement.

It took a while after that of what seemed darkness and lack of hope or purpose. After a lot of me time and meditation I started to get clearer ideas of what I needed emotionally and physically and what I wanted to offer others and how I wanted others to treat me.

Because my priorities had changed I had to find new short term goals to achieve. It would also make me focus on my own needs whilst still considering others. This made me stronger too.

What I am trying to say is that I think it is pattern we go through whilst healing and learning to progress in a more positive way. Do not give up on hope or yourself. You just have to find what makes you happy and through this other will be happy with you. If they are not, bin them, they are too judgemental and who are they to judge anyway ;)

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[ms spock]

I have a lot of problems with motivation and apathy.

I am successful at times and not so successful at other times managing it.

 

[Pietro]

Before my trauma I used to love being busy all the time and had alot of drive to be successful in my career.

This is another odd thing -- the many of us seemed to be fully functional adults, and then, after we started learning about our trauma, we started to lose our drive, ability to focus, etc. Maybe we were just kidding ourselves? I know to a large extent I was. But it is interesting how such a big change can take place.

I realised how much of my time was taken focusing on the wrong things in the hope it would make me happy.

I have often thought about this possibility, and I think, at some level, this is true for me as well. I'm just not sure *what* it is that's wrong for me, nor am I really certain of what makes me happy. I'm working at a handicap here. :)

It took a while after that of what seemed darkness and lack of hope or purpose. ... I think it is pattern we go through whilst healing and learning to progress in a more positive way.

This was my hope, that this is just part of the passage through the process. Nice to hear that you found this to be true. I am trying not to lose hope; I just keep watching my life pass before me, largely unlived, but without the motivation to do much about it. It's very frustrating.

 

[ms spock]

It is really hard to manage apathy and lack of motivation. When it is here they seem to bleed into everything else and there is no reality about the competencies that you do have. Perhaps writing a list of good things that you have done would be good to write and stick on the fridge so that you do remember them could be helpful?

 

[saffy]

Hi Pietro

I'm just not sure *what* it is that's wrong for me, nor am I really certain of what makes me happy.

I went through the same sort of thing, so you are not alone on this one :) (not sure if that makes it better but....) :)

I found when I started not to think of what others expected, or what others thought, or what I thought my passage of life was. When I took everyone and everything else out of my thoughts and life I realised I had no idea who I actually was!. What did 'I' Like? What made me happy? what sort of things could I do for me? I felt totally lost of hope for the future or hope for me.

It took a while to get the feeling that I must be doing something wrong or that it was me that was wrong or something wrong with me. I realised I was basing me on what I hoped others would think of me. Most of the time I realised I was projecting my thoughts and feelings onto others and through this got a very skewed image of others and the world around me.

Finding out what I liked took time, still is, but I realised there is no time limit to this and I was putting myself under more pressure thinking I had to be doing something quickly even though I had no idea of what it was I wanted to do or what made me happy.

I had always put someone elses' happiness before mine. So now my priorities have changed I had no idea about myself. Don't get me wrong I still like making people happy but it is for different reasons now. Not to be accepted or liked but because I am a giving and caring person. But there is much more to me than that, I had to learn. I could be accepted and be a person in my own right.

I am trying not to lose hope; I just keep watching my life pass before me, largely unlived, but without the motivation to do much about it.

I also felt like this. Please do not give up hope. Your motivation will return when you find something for you. Through this you will find like minded people who you will connect with.

Because you now know yourself better you can make better judgements, less irrational thoughts go through your head and you start to live life better and with more purpose.

Setting a few short term goals may help. If you go straight for the big ones it will feel daunting and out of reach at the moment.

I wrote a few list too, to help this mumble going round and round in my head.

the first really was, 1. who am I? This would include how things made me feel, what are my strengths and weaknesses and what am I like as a person.

I realised I could write down lots of things about myself I never realised before. I never new I had such integrity and inner truth (this was wrenched from me and replaced with doubts about myself and my rights at a human).

I never realised how strong I was at making decisions (My decisions before were based on what I thought other people wanted and I was always scared to stick to them because I thought I would be rejected or abandoned or was always made out to think that every decision was wrong).

Then lists on what I would really like to do or achieve. How realistic were they? how long or short a time should I give myself? If I did not reach a goal how would I feel?

I suppose it is easy to sit and say life is passing you by, but who's life? are you basing it on what everyone seems to be doing? Are you basing it on what you think you should be doing instead of what you actually want to do?

If you could write down one short term goal to aim for what would it be?

Please do not give up hope, explore yourself and don't be worried if you don't find it at first, it is a life changing moment :)

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Barberian]

For me, my root of my apathy is depression. I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder. Like my other symptoms, it is on it's own rollercoaster schedule, but on any given day I do suffer from some depression symptoms. Most days I'm ok, some days/weeks, not so much. When I'm depressed, I just don't give a f*** about anything, can't find anything to do that is interesting or fun, won't take care of any of my responsibilities, etc...

 

[Pietro]

It took a while to get the feeling that I must be doing something wrong... I realised I was basing me on what I hoped others would think of me. ... I had no idea of what it was I wanted to do or what made me happy. I had always put someone elses' happiness before mine.

Thanks for your post, Saffy -- it was very helpful. :D

I think that the same is true for me -- that I have always lived my life for someone else and/or to be what everyone else wants or expects me to be. I haven't been my authentic self since I was 5 years old, probably, if not before. I have been slowly coming to the conclusion that the life I have now is largely not what I want it to be, that I'm still "accommodating" others. I have one important constraint -- children -- and that makes the scope and speed at which I can explore things and make changes somewhat limited. But, still, I need to make changes somehow, because the current life I have isn't going anywhere. All I do is subsist; I don't live.

Setting a few short term goals may help. ... I wrote a few list too...

I'm working on goals. I've made list after list after list for years. They get so big, that I just give-up on them, because I'm burned-out. I'm now doing something more limited, choosing a few tasks each day. I'm also going to explore my likes and dislikes more, as you suggested. See what an influence you've had on me? :D

When it is here they seem to bleed into everything else and there is no reality about the competencies that you do have.

There is no truer statement than this regarding depression and PTSD-related emotional flashbacks. No matter what the truth is, it gets colored by the trauma, and it takes an iron will to remember that those feelings are not part of the present, but the past.

I've tried making "positive" lists, but those things have never worked for me. Cognitively, I'm well aware of "the truth", but it will take quite a while, I think, before I can internalize that truth emotionally. ;)

When I'm depressed, I just don't give a f*** about anything, can't find anything to do that is interesting or fun, won't take care of any of my responsibilities, etc...

Story of my life. ;) I do a little better now -- I'm functional, at least. But I'm not progressing, or doing, or living. I'm living an automaton life, and have spent the better part of my life living this way. I refuse to spend the rest of my life doing this as well.