Are We Acting Guilty?

[Crl1983]

@jeeps: I absolutely hate when that happens.. (It scares the **** out of me when someone watches me, even when there is a perfectly logical reason for it) and sometimes I go into panic mode and I know it's obvious because my face flushes and I become very disoriented and clumsy, which makes me look even more suspicious. @boondock- I too have trouble making eye contact and looking people in the face. I find I avoid going to places where there will be alot of people if possible. Yet, sometimes my fiance brings his friends around or takes me out, and I will literally freeze up and be unable to say a word to anyone, the rare times I do speak are when someone asks me something and then I trip on my words and can't look at them when I am replying because it's so hard to speak, and I can tell people are uncomfortable around me because of this. One of his cousins actually told me I'm the only person she knows who she is afraid of, and she said "I wouldn't ever want to be on your bad side" . At my last job I recall a meeting I went to, and I couldn't bring myself to talk in front of so many people. So this one b**** makes some comment "Why won't you say anything, I'm starting to worry that you're going to blow up the building or something, you're so quiet." I'm not mean to anyone so I don't understand why people think that way. I hate that I get like this sometimes but I don't know what to do about it. Sorry if this sounds like a rant or vent, wait.. no I'm not because that's what this is. A vent.

 

[Kintsugi]

one of the more popular things being that I'm having an affair or am otherwise being unfaithful to my husband. It's particularly because my alarms go off whenever someone starts asking me questions about particulars (what did you do yesterday, where were you earlier today, why didn't you answer your phone). Whenever someone asks me those kinds of things, I immediately bristle and refuse to answer anything.

My fiance and partners before him have always felt this way, too. The more they feel that way, the more I think I act guilty, because I become a deer in headlights when confronted a lot by something like this... crazy abusive ex-boyfriend would have really hurt me if he thought I was going around behind his back. They don't understand that I look at them like that not because I am guilty, but because I think they're going to hurt me.