Are You On Disability For Ptsd?

[cjf2010]

I've had a lot of years of therapy. I started the Yoga on my own, the one breathing technique I've found helpful is to make my inhale and exhale the same length. When I'm having an attack I don't exhale very well. So if I concentrate on making them the same length I don't have some of the other symptoms crop up and I sometimes can stop the whole attack from getting any worse. The yoga helps me muscles after the fact, I always tense up when I have an attack. The yoga keeps me flexible and limber and loosens up all the tightness I have(especially after an attack). I won't lie though, I haven't been able to do it everyday like I was for the last few months. I should start doing it again. Thank you everyone for all the support and advice. This forum is just what I needed!!! :D

 

[scattered]

When I'm having an attack I don't exhale very well. So if I concentrate on making them the same length I don't have some of the other symptoms crop up and I sometimes can stop the whole attack from getting any worse.

I have the same problem or similar , I catch myself holding my breath...so yes... I am not as you mentioned exhaling. The four counts help me even things up make everything the same...I think what I do must be an abbreviated form of yoga. I want to learn more about the yoga ways to become calm . I didn't do well on medications -actually made me worse...I think I am white knuckling it a lot of the time without medications but after getting off them slowly it has been better off than on for me. Thanks for the information and for responding.

 

[Sunny:)]

I've been on disability for 10 years. I'm able to work part-time at my church which is low stress for the most part. . At the slightest hint of stress I start dissociating and have to take some time off to calm down. Fortunately, my employer knows my background and tries to be helpful regarding my work load and work schedule. I'm very thankful to God for being able to pay my bills.

 

[Daisygirl]

I appreciate Tosh for starting this thread and for all the posts. Reading this has helped me have some perspective with my own situation. I am fortunate that my disability income helps my husband and me pay our bills.

I found applying for SSI extremely stressful, but I did it myself. I was denied the first time, but the second time, was approved. The main reason for this was that my T wrote a letter on my behalf, which outlined my symptoms and trauma. She also spoke with SS about me. Without her help, I am sure that I would have had to hire someone to appeal for me.

I have been disabled now for almost 14 years. I feel so much shame saying that. I, too, was raised that if you aren't working, you are lazy. I work very hard on PTSD management. I am able to do housework and cook food. But I have to take frequent breaks to keep my stress and fatigue down.

I have worried and obsessed about working since I went on disability. Everything I have done and tried has been with the motivation of getting off. I feel in reality I was making myself worse with the stress I was putting on myself. I also think focusing on going back to work distracted me from the real work - which has been facing my trauma and moving forward.

I have also volunteered a little over the years, mainly to test my ability to be on a schedule and in a work environment. Out of 5 attempts, I able to maintain a schedule for a few hours a week at only one place. But I didn't maintain it for more than a few months. I ended up in the hospital.

Since then, I am trying to look at my health more realistically. On a good day I start to question if my inability to go back to work is just "all in my head". On a bad day, I know that isn't true.

The other thing that keeps me questioning if I can work is that I have learned to function within my limits pretty well, so my symptoms are down. This feeds into the idea that if I can "manage" things even better, then I can work. Whenever I get stressed, though, my symptoms worsen. I have a hard time imagining myself working long term now, although I really would love to work again!

 

[Sunny:)]

Daisygirl,

I can relate so well, ie, on a good day I think I can manage a full-time job like engineering, which is what I used to do. Then on a bad day, I can hardly do the part-time work I do, and that's if I show up. Ever since I lost my engineering job, I have no confidence in myself. Everyone says I'm smart and intelligent, but I just can't handle going back to the corporate world. Don't know how to find my confidence in myself.

 

[Daisygirl]

Hi rytngal - We are struggling with the same issue here, unfortunately. Your post above feels like I wrote it. I struggle with how to define myself - who am I - without the label of my job title. I understand also, not having confidence in myself without my corporate job.

I worked so hard in school to work the job I did, and now I can't do it! :( Being on the forum has helped some, because at least now I see that I am not the only one.

Somewhere on here a few days ago I read one of Anthony's posts. He said that we have to redefine ourselves post trauma. We can't continue to expect that we can go back to the way our lives were before PTSD. Reading that helped me understand that I can only move forward, as hard as that is.

I think it's awesome that you are working part time. :tup: I am trying right now to start to redefine not only the boundaries with my husband, but with myself. I am tired of beating myself up for this. I want to get to a more realistic place with my PTSD and what I can do.

The forum is helping me redefine my expectations. With the information I have, then I think I can start to say to myself that "Hey, that part of my life is over." I still grieve that loss. The way I used to feel getting promoted or an award for being a good employee. I will never have that again.

Now I am looking at giving myself an award for fewer doctor's visits, staying off caffeine which makes my symptoms worse, exercising which helps with stress and pain, etc. So far, I haven't been able to do it, because I look at these things as a sign that I am not well - not normal.

I hope that maybe both of us can redefine ourselves and see what we do for ourselves and others. Managing this illness is the hardest thing I have ever done. Harder than school or work. Somehow, we have to teach ourselves that we are good enough because we are human, we are trying, without our jobs.

These are just my ideas for myself. I hope that maybe they can help you too.

Take care! - Daisy

 

[Kimpersonal]

Somewhere on here a few days ago I read one of Anthony's posts. They said that we have to redefine ourselves post trauma. We can't continue to expect that we can go back to the way our lives were before PTSD. Reading that helped me understand that I can only move forward, as hard as that is.

Hi Daisygirl! I was just hoping you might be able to direct me to this post about redefining ourselves if you can recall where you saw it.

I left work and went on Short Term Disability 3 months ago. Short term has run out and so I am now on long term disability through my employee benefits. Not much income from this ... but glad to have at least some finances to work with for now.

I was in a high stress position as a downtown courier for Fedex for 6 years. I have held other jobs before this. To be suddenly rendered incapable of doing my job makes me feel like ... well ... like PTSD has beat me when I was working like a horse to beat (avoid/deny) PTSD. Like I lost in the fight! I really do not know how to define myself at this time in my life ... I feel like I am starting life from scratch trying to figure out what to do next. I am tempted to try working again ... but I know I will only fall on my face again with anxiety/panic symptoms etc.

Yuck. I want to trade this PTSD in for some other sort of affliction ... like maybe a hangnail or a badly stubbed toe. People understand that sort of pain at least and feel compassion instead of contempt for being "too sensitive". Argh! :notworthy:

 

[Vivian Langston]

My husband was diagnosed with PTSD at the age of 22. He currently does receive VA and SSA benefits. He has had trouble since the beginning of our marriage with holding a job. He would start with the best of intentions but things always seem to go down hill for him after a few months.

How old were some of you when you decided to stop working and go permanently on disability?

We have been back and forth about him working or not working for awhile. He started working about about 6 months ago at a really great job but it has landed him back to square one with his PTSD. I hate to see him retire medically at the age of 27 but from the sounds of other posts a lot of you found it easier to manage your PTSD.

I would be love insight as we haven't been dealing with this for long and are still learning the ropes.

<Edited - inserted paragraph breaks.>

 

[Daisygirl]

@Kimpersonal - I will try to find that post and let you know. It might take me a couple of days - so be patient with me. :)

@Vivian - I was written out of work on short-term disability when I was 30. I was approved for SS when I was 32. I worked for about 8 years prior to this getting progressively sicker. I thought if I just had a break, that my body symptoms would improve and I could go back to work. I was written out for 7 weeks. But I have never gone back.

Not because I didn't want to, but because I had so much work to do processing my traumas, that I got even worse before I got better. It's just been the last 5 years or so that my symptoms have stabilized more. But as soon as I push myself, I get sick.

Just my opinion, but if he has already tried multiple times to work and not been able to, then at least for now, perhaps him focusing on his PTSD and stabilizing that would be best. Also, looking into jobs that are less stressful is an option. But they are hard to find. Jobs that are quiet, involve few people and have supportive employers are the best types of jobs to look for.

Also, under this section of the Forum, there are some threads about jobs that others have found successful - ways they cope with working.

I hope this helps! Take care - Daisy

 

[Sunny:)]

Vivian, I was 43 when I went on disability, but I should have gone on it sooner. I worked some small part-time jobs between leaving my engineering career and getting on disability. But I should have left engineering sooner than I did. I just couldn't believe that I couldn't do that type of work anymore. It is so hard to accept how debillitating PtSD is.

 

[Sunny:)]

Somewhere on here a few days ago I read one of Anthony's posts. He said that we have to redefine ourselves post trauma. We can't continue to expect that we can go back to the way our lives were before PTSD. Reading that helped me understand that I can only move forward, as hard as that is.

...to a more realistic place with my PTSD and what I can do.

The forum is helping me redefine my expectations. With the information I have, then I think I can start to say to myself that "Hey, that part of my life is over." I still grieve that loss. The way I used to feel getting promoted or an award for being a good employee. I will never have that again.

Take care! - Daisy

I guess instead of looking back at what I can no longer do, I should make an inventory of what I can do. When I find I can do something productive, the problem is I can't sustain the mental strength to continue it. Then I get depressed, which only makes it worse.

This is thought-provoking...

 

[Daisygirl]

Hi Daisygirl! I was just hoping you might be able to direct me to this post about redefining ourselves if you can recall where you saw it.

Hi Kimpersonal - I have looked in my bookmarks and history. I have also looked through threads that looked familiar. Unfortunately, I have not been able to find this discussion. I wish I could at least remember the member who posted the thread or the year. But I can't.

What I do remember is that the question was about how to get back to where you are before PTSD. Or is that possible?

What I remember was Anthony's response saying that every life event changes us. Time changes us. Even without PTSD we would not be the same now as ten years before. So, to expect to go back to where we were before the trauma isn't possible.

Anthony may not have used the word "redefine". That may be my take on what I read. I do not recall there being a protocol or suggestions on how to redefine ourselves post trauma.

I will continue to look and make a follow-up post if I find anything else. I'm sorry I couldn't find it!