Attachment Difficulties From Early Years Trauma Or Developmental Trauma

[Rani G2]

Yes!Its a circulaton. Many are being conditioned this way. Hard to break the shell. Sometimes we need to tell ourselves stories so that we can live, for some they work, for some not. Thats when Selfdestruction begins

Just a few months ago I heard someone say sehe just cant understand anxiety disorder. For her it sounds like as if these people are using it as an excuse to not do certain things.
Thats very typical. As if Anxiety is your own choice to create.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I want to thank you for this thread and all of the responses because I have learned so much from all of the sharing here. I have attatchment disorder and I never really understood it as clearly as I do not so much appreciation.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

It is much misunderstood Gizmo. Which is what makes it hard to treat. A lot of therapists think it is only something applicable to kids. Or we have to learn to parent ourselves. If you have never attached, you actually need a good T or someone similar to help you learn to attach which is scary if you never have.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I will most surely discuss this with my psychiatrist the next time I see him and find out what I need to do. Thank you again.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

A book which is helpful is
Attachment Theory in Adult Mental Health: A guide to clinical practice

 

[NatBird]

I keep abreast of all the latest modalities in therapy - like EMDR and Brain spotting and Bessel's work...

Hi Kaluki,

I can totally relate to 'bad therapy is a slow path'.

I feel like I've been seeing counsellors/therapist for years and had totally the wrong treatment, people who don't understanding cptsd or only see one aspect of it.

I'm hoping this is about to change.

Hope you have a relaxing/soothing bath.

 

[NatBird]

It is much misunderstood Gizmo. Which is what makes it hard to treat. A lot of therapists think it is on...

This is the issue I've had with past T's telling me I need to reparent. This is such a hard and frustrating thing to hear when you're working really hard to stay alive and you've never had any loving model to go by. It's like you're expected to abracadabra this loving inner parent.

What I will say is I started (for the fourth time) reading The Road Less Travelled and the author was talking about love as a choice, not a feeling - to be loving and kind is a choice we can make. Can't say that I can embrace that mid flashback but it opened up my mind/heart space and has helped me to be kinder - even if it feels like lipsynching.

Anyone else want to share what inspires or has helped them to be loving/kind to themselves?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I googled attachment disorder in adults and learned so much. I have ordered two books on the topic and now lights are going on all over inside of me with many aha moments. Answers and explanations to the feeling of being abandoned and then assuming falsely etc.

I understand so much now that was hidden from me before and of course has lifted a huge burden off of my shoulders within myself. I have compassion and understanding now in place of the disorder running amok within me.

To me this is really huge and now that I am aware and willing to learn all I can, I am then in a position to change the bad habits and patterns. Once I become aware of something, I get a huge growth spurt. I have struggled in this area my entire life and thought that there was something very wrong with me and that was a dead end loop I was trapped in.

I understand it will take more education, effort and hard work and practice all I can each time I feel abandoned. I really appreciate this thread so much. It has become a turning point for me.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

I googled attachment disorder in adults and learned so much. I have ordered two books on the topic and now lights are going on all over inside of me with many aha moments. .

that is what happened to me in 2010 - it has helped so much in my understanding of myself. Also I realised recently that my biggest shame has been that I carry a traumatised small child inside of myself who keeps relating to daddy figures as a small child to a potential kind daddy - and I would hide this of course. But it didn't stop it happening. telling myself off for it didn't stop it happening. It just happens. Until I found a T who got it and would happily openly address this issue

 

[sun seeker]

Anyone else want to share what inspires or has helped them to be loving/kind to themselves?

Modeling and lots of repetition. I am fortunate to have a therapist who knows how to work with attachment issues. Bit by bit, I am learning secure attachment. It's not easy... but I am going to tentatively say it does work.

 

[Rumors]

I really never thought about attachment (issues) until I read this thread. Some things ping right in with me and I don't feel quite so odd. Although I don't think (fingers crossed but if I do that is ok too) I have an attachment disorder, I think my view of attachment is completely messed up. The closest thing I have to a "normal" relationship is with my child. I am so incredibly grateful for him. I do wonder how people learn to have healthy attachment though. Read about it? I am not surrounded by people that I really trust to explore that with. I dunno....

 

[sun seeker]

I do wonder how people learn to have healthy attachment though.

Work with a therapist with skill in the area of attachment. It really is possible. I'm not there yet, but can see how I could get there with enough help. It's called "earned secure attachment." Reading about it is good but you have to have an actual person to work with to make the necessary changes in brain function.