Attraction To Working In Dangerous Places And The Fifth World

[Powder]

I spent part of my childhood in Costa Rica and the Dominican Republic. I know some people view these as tourist places, but not in the areas I spent most of my years.

I would argue that the 3rd world is a death trap. During my 8 mos in San Jose, C.R.:

- my 9 year old friend had a leg amputated after crossing the street and being hit by a tourist on a motor. They don't have or use or understand crosswalks.
-My sister was molested walking to school.
-My other 8 year old friend was impaled by playground equipment at my school. It was a uni-circular metal thing that should have been set into concrete. Instead us older kids tipped it over and used it as a teeter totter. While I wasn't looking, it went right through a girl.
-A drunken gang chased my BFF and I downtown, families in tow, while we zigzagged through the downtown trying to lose them. My friend and I were barely 12, but I shudder to think what these 8 men thought to do to us.
-I was called a "fea Americana" (ugly american) by a scary big guy while I was eating an ice cream by a mall.
-Our elderly next door neighbor was electrocuted to death by the "widow-maker" hot water heater shower head we used each day. I learned to like cold showers. I had been shocked 3 times and didn't fancy taking a 4th.

8 months. All that, and then some. This was just my first taste of the third world. I had 3.5 more years to go in the DR. I can't & won't be ready to list that yet. This was all as a civilian and a child.

 

[Neverthesame]

I can relate to this. When I was first diagnosed, I did everything I could to attempt to get into the military. Specifically a combat deployment. I told myself alot of reasons for doing it, all of it crap. I wanted to die, plain and simple. I can't do it myself so I wanted to go somewhere where there are scores of people more than happy to do it for me.

I am glad I was unsuccessful. For one obvious reason, but also because it was a very selfish and shortsighted view. The number of other people I would have put at risk had I been able to carry out my plan. Unpleasant thoughts.

 

[AlmostFellForIt]

Yup. I have that book and am almost done reading it. However, your quoting just this bit makes it seem more applicable to my life. I'm guessing I'm a flight/freeze type. But I have lapsed into Fight/lecture and Fawn/suck up when triggered as well.

I think it's helpful to know what's driving these tendencies, but then comes working on them, aka, the hard part.

I think this will be a book I read forever, continuously over and over. I simply can't believe how it explains some of my behaviors, I feel like in a way it has saved my life.Implementation however is key and the most difficult facet.

Interesting about what you say re: teaching English. I know myself, I absolutely struggle with confining environments that press social buttons... Meetings, conferences, parties, dinners etc, presentations even worse. In a way I beleive this is simply a symptom of cruise control, since one is doing it easily the mind for some reason feels it needs to fill up it's spare capacity by incessantly ruminating, thus the easier it is the harder it gets... Ridiculous right!. I don't know about anyone else but it seems my bodys way to deal with this is to sweat, sweat profusely... It makes me wonder how many people diagnosed with Hyperhydrosis actually have PTSD or similar and there's no actual sweating problem it's just their flight response and sympathetic nervous system being overstimulated. What's equally odd for me is that everyone I know applauds my social skills, they think I'm a genius in these circles, which tells me my facade is good. Whilst this may be a compliment everyone here knows that in these situations one often puts in 3 X the energy of the average (non afflicted) person to cope.So it's not sustainable.

It seems for Flight types (or at least me anyway) that environments that are soft (like an office) that are often associated with being collected, composed and relaxed absolutely send my Flight stimulus into overdrive, as if the energy has nowhere to flow and struggles to be tempered as 'distractions' simply aren't present.. And it's worse in the presence of or having to deal with Authority and/or make small talk/ have conversations without a topic. I still marvel though at how somehow I get by.

 

[AlmostFellForIt]

When I was first diagnosed, I did everything I could to attempt to get into the military. Specifically a combat deployment. I told myself alot of reasons for doing it, all of it crap. I wanted to die, plain and simple...I am glad I was unsuccessful.

Amazing the lengths one will go to and how ridiculously pervasive it is that the driver of this is more or less subconscious. I'm glad you finally saw it.

 

[Anarchy]

The Flight Type and the Obsessive-Compulsive Defense
Flight types appear as if their starter button is stuck in the "on" position.

I'm predominantly on the dissociative/freeze end of the responses. I still love Africa.

 

[Powder]

Using the Flight type, being in the "on switch" was how I carried my 4.0 at University while working. All I did was work all day and night. Best results were when I had "no life" as they say.

But after a while, I started to feel I wasn't really living. That's when it started to catch up with me. Then I started using Fight and Freeze and Fawn more in balance. But really, it's not that great how I've used them to avoid, avoid, avoid my feelings for too long.

Now feelings are turning back on, it's been a hell of 4 years. I am supremely fortunate my husband is still with me and still loves me after seeing me go from an OCD type to a crying, emoting, and having flashbacks type. He's been supportive and says he thinks I'm doing "better."

They say it has to "get worse before it gets better" and I do see that point of view on this. However, I don't tend to feel this is "better." Sometimes I wish I could just go back to the good ol days of all work, no "anything else" back before love and feelings came into my life and broke down my carefully constructed walls to keep everyone and all emotions out.

 

[AlmostFellForIt]

Then I started using Fight and Freeze and Fawn more in balance.

Interesting how someone can switch between the other 4 F types once they temper their dominant one, I'd never really thought about that but it makes sense.

 

[void]

thanks!