Auditory Flashback

[Jennifer Burns]

Ok, so I was raped when I was 14 years old in 1982. I have had years of therapy about that and a lot of other issues. I used to have a lot of PTSD symptoms, but have not had any in years. Last night, without warning, as I was getting out of the shower, I suddenly froze, as if in a trance, and heard my attacker telling me, "Scream again, bitch, and I'll kill you!" This is something he said to me once. I just stood there stuck for around five minutes (I think). I felt partially aware of reality, but I also felt as if I could feel his breath in my ear.

This happened a few days before the anniversary date. I used to have physical symptoms around the anniversary, but I have felt so much better in recent years. I was just shocked by the fact that these feelings are apparently alive and well inside of me 33 years later.

Has anyone ever experienced a frozen trance like I describe? Has anyone had symptoms appear after being dormant for an extended period?


Confused

 

[Friday]

Has anyone ever experienced a frozen trance like I describe? Has anyone had symptoms appear after being dormant for an extended period?

Most of my flashbacks my body is completely disconnected from my mind. Damn good thing, as that hasn't always been true. Reliving the past is hard enough, without acting it out as well. Shudder.

Rough estimate: Apx 92% of my symptoms took a hike for about 10 years. A touch of insomnia every fall/Autumn, and the occasional nightmare or panic attack (sometimes years apart, so no worries!), Hypervig in spades, but I put that to use. New trauma brought the past all flooding back & Ive been right back where I was the first 5 years.

So, good news, just because you had 1 gnarly flashback it doesn't follow that you'll necessarily be right back at square 1. :) But if there's been something in your life recently that counts as new trauma? Don't put off dealing with it. I waited a year... Until I was back to daily problems before grumbling myself towards realizing maaaaaybe this time it wasn't going to just go away after a few days/weeks like all the other times in the past decade.

 

[Chava]

Yes, I've had flashbacks come back much later (mostly in the form of very short snippets of lights, other visual bits, and feelings in my body). Partly new stressors and partly (maybe largely) related to letting go of older defenses. In the years I thought I was doing pretty well, I was working about 60 hours per week....so continually distracted and exhausted. It wasn't all bad, but I was really disconnected from my body and inner experiences. A lot of stuff was simply buried under the busy-ness. As I've been learning to slow down I've had to meet up with some really old stuff I didn't even realize I needed to work through... but it's helping me re-organize so that I don't have to live an intense, fast-paced, detached existence (I hope...)

 

[shrinkingviolet]

Yes, had mine yesterday after seeing a picture of him. Complete panic attack and break down, haven't done that in years. My anniversary is next month, will be 21 years. I honestly don't know if it will ever be gone, but maybe we all learn to cope better.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Yes, I have had vivid flashbacks from seemingly out of nowhere. But on closer inspection, there's always a trigger. March 7 every year . Smelling autumn leaves. People with long visions fingernails. And I freeze and I can hear their voices and smell them, particularly my grandfather who raped me for years. I use my adult traumas to distract myself from my little girl. Doesn't work in the long run. It might be time for a tune up. The last thing you deserve is having that image rerun. Remember, it was a long time ago and your grown now. Now you can take action. Once again, as I often point out, is there is a very good reason for rapists get life in prison. When it becomes a capital offense, I'd like to make the first injection.

 

[garden]

I had some trauma in January (2014). I had a relapse that lasted about 6 months and then clarity came back and I was functional at home, started grooming myself again...the usual. This year I got all discombobulated again around the anniversary, and it's different this time. A lot of old memories have been coming back, stuff that I had buried from early childhood, and it was very alarming to say the least.

I thought that I had healed my relationship with my mother, but I have been remembering a lot about her from early childhood, and I've been avoiding her. This is hard because I don't want to avoid her, I want the relationship that I've worked so hard to create, but these memories are messing with me bad.

Yeah, stuff can come back many years later, and for me, I can't make sense of why.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Do you have a trusted therapist you can go to to help you get back to baseline?

 

[Seagreen]

I freeze during and after a flashback too.

At the moment I'm working on mindfulness. By doing regular checks throughout the day, including taking notice of my current mood and asking what is causing me to feel this way. Ive noticed that sometimes I just feel afraid without any good reason. Just by taking notice of this I am able to use logic to better regulate my emotions. Say if I am laying in bed and notice I feel a little bit anxious, I can remind myself that the bed is soft and comfortable. I feel warm, dry and free from any urgent pain or immediate danger. I can then be aware that this is my present situation and it is Ok.

As I get better at this I hope it will help me to avoid getting caught up in flashbacks or at least help to ground me quicker when I do have one.

I hope you find something which works for you. In the meantime know that you are not alone.