- Post starter
- #13
Thank you, that's good info to have. :) Yes, it is different having a kiddo. I have had people treat me like crap etc before I was a mom and I never froze. I punched back, twice as hard. Figuratively speaking, not literally. Once I became a mom, all that went out the window. To explain - I was carrying my baby down the stairs once upon a time, and slipped on the top step and fell the whole way down the stairs. Instead of grabbing the banister, I curled myself around the baby and just took the knocks the whole way down. Baby didn't get a scratch, and was crowing/laughing when we got to the bottom. I was barely able to walk for days & colorfully bruised for weeks. PROTECT is my thing and feeling like I can't protect is what freaks me out, I think. Getting to know a bunch of people is hard. I know I need to but cripes I'm afraid of people - afraid they're all monsters behind the smiling faces. I know they're probably not, but .... that's what I'm afraid of. My therapist is nice but I'm not sure she's ready for what I've got. She's mentioned multiple times that my situation is complex because it's ongoing - and then I see her starting to discount the ongoingness to try to put me in a box she's used to dealing with. (Past Trauma) I've had to remind her that I'm in a current state of threat right now multiple times. I just get tired of all the effort sometimes.
