Supporter Babys Due Tomorrow And Dad Had Ptsd Help

[Ava2288]

Hello!! I am due to have a baby tomorrow ( Friday I get induced) and the father of my child has PTSD and is being very mean and distant. I am very emotional and confused. Someone please help me!! :unsure:

 

[zeckster81]

I really want to help, but I don't know how too. I wish I had the right advice to give you. I do want you to know that I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers this week as you get ready for that wonderful bundle of joy to enter into your life. I suggest focusing on him or her and you. You can't fix his or her father's problems, but you can control how you will react to having the blessing in your life. When he is ready maybe he will come around and get help. If he is being mean to you, maybe staying with a loved one and creating a safe place is important right now.

 

[StarChild]

What kind of support, that we as an online PTSD-community can offer, would you need right now? Is it possible for you to express your needs a bit more detailed?

 

[open eyes]

I really don't know how to give you help but I think I can offer a little bit of insight.

Sometimes with PTSD, absolutely ANY emotional event- positive or negative- can trigger bad feelings.

For example, I am an athlete & last year I made it to our National competition, which I had worked my butt off for. But when I got to Nationals I couldn't stop crying & I felt horribly depressed. I got angry with myself for not being able to enjoy anything, which turned to me being angry at other people.

The way I reason it in my head is that trauma hits an emotional soft spot that doesn't get used very often. When poignant things (in your case, your child's birth- congratulations by the way ;)) happen, they can come close to the epicenter of the trauma related feelings & they can get directed at an inappropriate event.

Sorry if this is hard to understand!

 

[Ava2288]

I guess help was the wrong word I just want to understand. Thank you all for your support. My boyfriend did a tour in Iraq several years ago and has not faced his demons yet. He has gotten better compared to what he use to be. At least that is what I have been told. He holds everything inside him and explodes at the littlest things when he has held it in for to long. I do not know what he has experienced but I do know that she has dreams. I just want to know what I can do for him to support him, I wanna help him but I can't wrap my head around it because I have no clue. I am currently with my family and fear that he won't be ok while he is alone. Back in August I came home to his attempted suicide. I was devastated. He has two dates on his arm and when close to those dates his mood and attitude changes.[DOUBLEPOST=1399256606,1399256369][/DOUBLEPOST]He is in counseling but all they want to do is give him medication and it frustrates him because he wants someone to talk to him and hear him.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Good stress is as bad as bad stress, and your sufferer is going to react to both kinds. His cup runneth over.

At times like this, he is not going to be in any kind of shape for you to rely on. This is one of the things that sucks about being a supporter. You have to learn to take care of things on your own... and a lot of times that means even when you are sick, hurt or needing support yourself. If he is stressed, he is going to do well to manage himself, much less anybody else. That is just the nature of the disorder.

I just want to know what I can do for him to support him, I wanna help him but I can't wrap my head around it because I have no clue.

You can support and help your sufferer all you can, but you cannot do it to the detriment of your own well being. It is not selfish to be taking care of yourself and preparing for the birth or your child right now. Of course you are going to worry about him, you love him. Just don't let that worry and sacrifice you make for him be at your child's expense, or your sanity's expense.

There are some good threads in the supporter section about setting boundaries with your sufferer. After the birth of your child, when he starts to calm down, it might be a good time to set some of those boundaries with him. For example, you said he was being very mean. You can set a boundary about the way you expect to be treated. You do not have to put up with meanness, even if he is stressed.

 

[Sighs]

Having a baby is very exciting but it is also absolutely exhausting. Your baby will be relying on you for his/her every need for the next few years. My advice is to focus on yourself and your baby. Your baby's father may simply not be well enough to offer support. You need to find that support elsewhere from family and friends. Look after yourself because your baby needs you!

 

[intothelight]

Hi Ava,

Congratulations and I hope that you and your baby are doing well. At this point, focus your attention and you and your child. Sometimes the best way to support someone is just to be the best that you can be and at this time you have another human being who is entirely dependent upon you.

There is an entire section here for supporters and the best suggestion that I can give you is learn all that you can about PTSD. Understanding will go a long way in helping you and your relationship. At the same time, it is your boyfriends responsibility to take charge of his own recovery and you can support him in those efforts.

Debbie

 

[Ava2288]

Thank you all very much for your advise!! I was worried to do something like this but its amazing that complete strangers can be so comforting and supportive!!