Back from the trip

[whiteraven]

I wrote earlier about traveling and how I didn't want to go to a conference I had signed up for. I had loads of trouble deciding.

Well, I went. I just got home, so I'm still processing all that and will do it in my diary at some point. LOTS of stuff came up, and I was very anxious to get home to my cats.

Physically, they are fine. I've had this person watch them several times before, and I've never had a concerning problem. I have always liked her to watch them, because the one cat that is afraid of people is not as afraid of her.

But...I am careful to give her detailed instructions, both verbally and in writing, because she forgets stuff. She drinks, and I have suspected has an early-onset dementia, although it doesn't seem to affect her at all doing her day-to-day stuff. Don't ask about her work, though. She's been here maybe 3 years and has gone through 6 or 7 jobs. So...i had a backup who was going to check on everything, and I felt reasonably certain everything would be fine. I heard from both of them every day, and things seemed to be going ok.

Never going away again.

She was out front when I got here, so walked down with me. I went inside (she was behind me), and the one cat greeted me right away. I went to the bedroom, and the other started to come to me until she heard the person--she stopped dead in her tracks and then went back to hiding. She refused to come out as long as the person was here. And honestly? It reminded me of the withdrawal/fear kids who've been abused demonstrate. I know she didn't do anything to them physically, but...shit.

I have two litter boxes--one wasn't touched (I was gone 5 1/2 days). I left out 5 pairs of dishes with the individual food servings, and there were 3 left. I mean, WTF????? They had very little dry food in their bowl. Again, I was VERY specific about what they get and when, which included telling her to keep the dry food full and putting out new wet every day.

I was so upset. I'd already pretty much decided I wasn't going away in October last week, but now I'm sure.

I don't know how to deal with her now. I mostly either ignore the forgetfulness or remind her when she forgets something that she told me differently. She tends to get agitated if she knows she's done something wrong (or if she thinks someone else thinks she did something wrong), and I just don't have the energy for that anymore.

I think I just wanted to share, but if you have anything to say, please do!

 

[parrotthepolly]

This is why I don't trust people even if they seem reliable.

Also I can relate to the cat going into hiding and never stopped doing that even as an adult so it's not just a "kid's" thing. Wasn't physically abused either. Being afraid is the only way to be safe really.

 

[Muttly]

I'm sorry that happened. If that was me I'd be very upset.

 

[whiteraven]

This is why I don't trust people even if they seem reliable.

Yeah, and I guess I just get disappointed when I find that rare someone I think I can trust and then realize I can't.

Also I can relate to the cat going into hiding and never stopped doing that even as an adult so it's not just a "kid's" thing. Wasn't physically abused either. Being afraid is the only way to be safe really.

My girl was abandoned by her first person and doesn't get much socialization, both of which I'm sure contributes. Although she DID warm up to this person, and would come out and actually ask to be petted. That was when I was here, though, so I don't know.

 

[Friday]

That’s a weird conclusion to make. Maybe hire an eager high school kid to cat sit, or book a kennel, rather than decide to never leave, again?

This is why I don't trust people even if they seem reliable.

Why would a suspected alcoholic with dementia seem reliable?

Convienent, certainly. Reliable? Ummmm…. No. Alcoholic. Dementia. X2.

Needing the IMPAIRED to “feel” trustworthy? Speaks volumes.

@whiteraven … I sent my OWN kid away, to be minded by others, when I was on muscle relaxers (as I know they make me f*cking insane)… but the family I was nannying for? Kept. Dropping. Their. Kid. Off. I told them I’m not even minding my OWN child, but they didn’t seek altenate care. I on,y have the memory of phoning them, to let them know I’d injured my back & couldn’t watch their child …3 months later? (ENTIRE BLACKOUT ) Infound out they’d kept dropping their kid off. My OWN KID taken care of by family. Because I was out of my f*cking mind, with drugs. They kept dropping their own kid off, despite repeated (in writing, email) telling them not to. Oh, but they trusted me?!? (Their emails). I said no. They did it, anyways. I have ZERO recollection of those months. Apparently, I took care of their kid. Maybe. Ish. I guess? No memory of it. Muscle relaxers give me blackouts. But I drove around with him. Kept him alive. Because their parents? Are f*cking morons who IGNORED my no. You’re not ignoring THEIR no. You’re ignoring your own. So you’ve got a rape history. Your own “no” is worthless?!?

Hello!

You suspect this person is an alcoholic with dementia?!? Why. The. HELL. Are. You. Expecting live cats on your return? You’re bitching about a few quasi-missed meals??? (Dry food, still there, wet food in bonus). Alcoholic. With DEMENTIA. Yes. DO take some responsibility in finding better care. Don’t depend on the impaired, for the people you love.

 

[Friday]

@whiteraven I hope that’s anger from a wake up call, from a friend who hears you, sees you, cares about you… and is only telling you what you already know.

Alcoholic with dementia. That you care about. Is not a suitable guardian, for themselves, much less anyone else. You know this. You HAVE to have known this. Though it breaks your heart. You put those you love in danger, to attempt to deny the truth, and then blame yourself for leaving, instead of the choice you made. Leaving was not the problem. Your choice in guardian was the problem. Not because the PERSON you care about isn’t lovely. Or capable. When they’re NOT compromised. But they are. And that’s a different level of gutting. Avoiding one pain, nearly cost you something much worse. And that’s a brutal wake up call. Unless? You sink deeper into denial. Blame yourself for leaving. Instead of blaming the choice of whom to leave them with. Your friend cannot be trusted. You know this. So love them, but do not trust them. Own THAT pain.