Bad day

[cntrymom08466]

I don't why I get to feeling like this. I want to love Christmas. I used to. I remember sitting in the dark when I was with Jim and watching the lights on the tree. I'm feeling sad and angry and stressed and idk why. I was excited for Christmas around Thanksgiving but this week I feel like I've been going down hill. I've been taking extra Buspar even shortly after I get to work. My neck and shoulders are sore and stiff and it seems if I take a Buspar I relax some. I'm guessing its sore from stress which makes me tense. I mean I don't know what I'm getting anyone for Christmas. We are going to be short on money this year. I'm only getting a $750 bonus. And if you figure even $40 for each grandchildren with 7 plus one, Donna's gf son
makes and times $40 that's $320. We have always went above and beyond on Christmas for the grandkids. I keep thinking though about when Jim kicked the TV and broke the kids gingerbread houses they made at church. I've always known he did it and now typing this its making me cry. Why?! I'm not with him any more why should I be sad?

Well none of this made sense lol . Sorry everyone

 

[Sues]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know how hard it is because I'm struggling too. Those nagging feelings, bad memories and deep wounds do not go away. We can bury them, try to forget about them, but they will fester and eventually come out again and often worse.

Your shoulders can definitely get sore and stiff from stress. And money issues just adds to the other stress.

It all makes sense to me. Please don't apologize for opening up here. That's what this space is for. We all get it. We've been through it. You are safe here.