Being a bit agoraphobic this week

[SeekingAfrica]

It happens to me whenever my depression or anxiety flares up. In either case the new place I live in now is nice open and sunny. And I know for depression I'm supposed to get more sun, not less, but I can't stand all the space, I'm all jumpy and hypersensitive right now.
I had to reschedule one meeting today and barely got in the store. For second day in a row I prefer to be closed in my room even though I'm alone and my roommate is travelling. Plus I use blanket even though it's hot and closed the blinds after 4pm for few days because the brightest sun bothers me right now. Even my room isn't small enough. Can I correct this or should I wait for it to get better as other symptoms get better? I feel like a vampire hiding from sun, but on the other hand everything is such chaos now and I find it hard to care.

 

[Keming]

i prefer the middle approach: hide but acknowledge it, and take a small step to reclaim agency. i fold socks sometimes. tactile actions work better for me.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

i prefer the middle approach: hide but acknowledge it, and take a small step to reclaim agency. i fold socks sometimes. tactile actions work better for me.

Doing dishes with hot water helps me a little. I don't think I can keep hiding next week, there is a lot going on and I need to get it together somehow and push 5th rough this, at least for any meetings.

 

[Friday]

I do the ‘holed up and hurting’ // ‘retreat and lick my wounds’ thing when it’s bad... and my personal belief is that a little bit of living under a rock can be cathartic / isolating as a tool rather than a response... but I refuse to be a slave to my instincts. I can listen to them, but that’s different from being at their mercy.

And there’s this thing called “terminal burrowing” (also known as hide-and-die) that people do when hypothermic... or near death. It’s an instinct that in the cold -or being pursued by predators- can save your life. Get somewhere small enough to conserve body heat, protect from the elements and things that are trying to eat you.

I’m not f*cking dead, yet. I refuse to die. So I refuse to act like I’m dying, whenever I catch myself going there. Personally? I usually break out of it by getting mad, finding some shred or scrap of my fight that’s left, and use it. Get moving. The people who live? Keep moving.

So that’s me.

Also? I have a rule that I have to do whatever scares me. Just don’t wanna is something else, but if I’m actually scared? Sigh. Nothing for it. Because action kills fear.

 

[The Albatross]

What Friday said.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Well, thankfully I got out of my hiding state. Few needed meetings and a trip home for some documents and much needed r&r with uni best friend and I am a little more out of that state. Well, plus few more healthy habits I started to reinforce again to get to a functional state. I still need some work to get to healthy balanced state, but at least I'm no longer home-bound... there were a lot of changes and deadlines these weeks and they kind of shook me out of that state.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I do the ‘holed up and hurting’ // ‘retreat and lick my wounds’ thing when it’s bad... and my personal belief is that a little bit of living under a rock can be cathartic / isolating as a tool rather than a response... but I refuse to be a slave to my instincts. I can listen to them, but that’s different from being at their mercy.

And there’s this thing called “terminal burrowing” (also known as hide-and-die) that people do when hypothermic... or near death. It’s an instinct that in the cold -or being pursued by predators- can save your life. Get somewhere small enough to conserve body heat, protect from the elements and things that are trying to eat you.

I’m not f*cking dead, yet. I refuse to die. So I refuse to act like I’m dying, whenever I catch myself going there. Personally? I usually break out of it by getting mad, finding some shred or scrap of my fight that’s left, and use it. Get moving. The people who live? Keep moving.

So that’s me.

Also? I have a rule that I have to do whatever scares me. Just don’t wanna is something else, but if I’m actually scared? Sigh. Nothing for it. Because action kills fear.

Action kills Fear-need to make a poster and hang that on my wall. ?

 

[The Albatross]

@TruthSeeker For me it's more go/no go... Act or accept. Like a quality control inspection (I used to be in electronics and pcb fabrication in the 80's). Go (action) / No go (accept).

 

[TruthSeeker]

i prefer the middle approach: hide but acknowledge it, and take a small step to reclaim agency. i fold socks sometimes. tactile actions work better for me.

That's interesting.....I organize art supplies, spaces, fold laundry, drawers, jewelry, yeah.......getting that stuff makes me feel better and is distracting....but there is something about the tactile that is particularly helpful when I'm not feeling like getting out is calling to me.