Being believed

[CatInTree]

My previous T would not say anything about believing what I was saying. She barely said or did anything. I told her that I didn't feel like she believed me, according to her it didn't matter what she thought.

I didn't get anything out of therapy, I got worse. I would've been better off talking to my wall at home. The wall wouldn't have laughed at me. The wall wouldn't have told me that it's judging me and that being judged is part of therapy. The wall wouldn't have called what I told it had kept me alive a detail. The wall would've provided me with just as many coping skills. I fired her after the laughing at me incident, which came one or two weeks after she called why I'm alive a detail.

Now I'm with someone else.

He's said straight out that he believes me and that it's understandable that I'm a mess.

And my brain is attempting to convince me that that's a bad thing. That I should neither want to nor need to be taken seriously.

Is therapists being upfront about believing someone against some set of rules? What is wrong with me for preferring this approach and why can't I just get over it?

 

[Joan]

I am so sorry that your prior T laughed at you. For me validation is important...I have learned a lot about how I need to self validate, but I tend to shut down when I feel invalidated. For me to trust my T i have to know they believe me...I do not think your T saying he believes you is against any set of rules...Try to be kind to yourself/ It is hard to find the right T. Your wants and needs are valid.

 

[ILoveLife]

Sometimes it's so hard to find a right fit concerning Ts.. I'm on a similar boat. I'm catastrophizing that none of them is able to handle my situation and that I'll have to handle all of this by myself forever, that I'll never get better.. then I think "Okay, I'm able to handle it. Screw them!" and go in that direction, my brain keeps finding ways to undermine the work I do in therapy and to find flaws in Ts.
Up until now, I'm either too gullible or finding too many flaws on purpose. I try to stick it out and try to overcome them, sometimes being upfront with my ideas in therapy, but not always as I'm not always capable.

I had a T that didn't believe me regarding my abuses and asked me to repeat them endlessly with a disapproval look on his face. It was the most invalidating thing ever, I'm sorry it happened to you too.

:hug::hug:

 

[CatInTree]

Thanks.

I just figured out why I was so convinced that she didn't believe me. She asked me why I did something and I told her. She kept asking and claimed that I hadn't answered the question. She was also attempting to convince me that there wasn't a specific answer she was looking for, she just wanted to know why I did it. You know, that thing that I had already answered countless times.

 

[somerandomguy]

Is therapists being upfront about believing someone against some set of rules? What is wrong with me for preferring this approach and why can't I just get over it?

Every therapist is different, but I think good therapists will tell you they believe you. Good therapists will actually believe you! I don't know why your old therapist wouldn't say that. She doesn't sound very effective.

You might prefer the "brick wall" approach because once anther person says they believe you, it makes what happened real. Your brain doesn't want it to be real. If it's real, you will have to deal with it. I'm sorry you have to deal with it.

 

[ILoveLife]

A main theme of my therapy experience after psychosis is Ts chalking up memories and feelings to delusions.. It's annoying but it helps me in a way not to take everything too seriously, which can be bad because it then takes me a longer time feeling confident about myself and my mind.
Memory is a weird thing, it can be brutally dishonest and is very susceptible to manipulation and suggestion.

A little over a year ago I had a flood of memories about my father, my then T said my father was innapropriate but not abusive. I was so confused I wasn't able to be coherent in my line of thoughts. I do think that T was just a bad T, or our notions of abuse widly vary. I still think my memory can be fake, even though I have plenty of confirmation over lots of things that happened. What happened between me and my father I will never know. But I decided to take these memories seriously, so I don't know. I also need to find a T who validates me and my experiences.

 

[CatInTree]

Yeah, my post was unclear. I prefer the approach of my new T.

If I went looking for it I'd have a lot of written proof of what happened. Not a complete record, but a lot. I'd also find my own notes. I haven't actually looked through anything, I opted to keep access at least until I can decide what I want to do with it.