Betrayal By Boss

[Seasounds]

Briefly, I find myself more depressed after my boss played a prank on me-which she a acknowledged. It has triggered the dreep pain and loss, of my mother's cruel behavior; just when I thought there was respect and safety, 'pop went the weasel'. It is a lesson learned; meanwhile, I work through yet another trigger.

I don't like how my boss treated me, and I don't like how my boss didn't have a clue, why I didn't laugh. Since she is my boss and since I don't want to go deeper in conversation with her, I am working this out, on my own. So much for a 'healed' relationship.

Support is welcome, I could use such medicine. Healing from this pain, seems to involve reminding myself that I can feel good about myself, despite her immature behavior. The truth is I'm angry; best to direct it outward, during my self-defense practices!

 

[Abstract]

Sorry about this Change. When it touches on old stuff it can run deep. If you feel able to share what happened then I would be happy to hear it.

 

[Hashi]

Oh change, so sorry to hear this.

Immature behaviour and PTSD sufferers are not a good mix. In my last job people had some jokey ways of behaving that were really upsetting for me.

It's awful when we can't go into it fully with them, or choose not to, because of the circumstances. A work relationship is always tricky to navigate, but especially so if it's a boss.

It sounds like you're dealing with the hurt well. Expressing your anger physically (safely) is a really good idea. I've also done things like writing unsent letters to the person concerned, and pretend newspaper articles denouncing their behaviour.

Sending you support as you work through this.

 

[The Albatross]

I think I would examine the idea that a prank (the way you described it in your initial post) is a "betrayal" (the way you titled the thread).

People in your workplace can't know your triggers, first of. Fore knowledge would constitute betrayal.

The resulting pain at the connection to you're mother's cruel behavior is your own. Immature? Yeah. But the connection from "prank" to "betrayal" is a leap in a counter productive (perhaps) direction.

 

[Hashi]

@The Albatross how do you know there wasn't fore knowledge? Perhaps this is something to clarify rather than assume, if you feel it essential to comment on. I don't really see the relevance when someone is asking for support rather than thoughts.

 

[The Albatross]

An assumption Hashi, based on the fact that the post said "prank". If it was maliciously intentioned it most likely would not have been a prank.

Support. Hmmm. Obviously you and I see support differently. Empathy or sympathy may serve some, but the more beneficial support for me is when something is called gently to my attention so that I can examine it. What I did not do, is invalidate the feelings about the incident.

Change is not liking the way she was treated. Change is hurt and angry. Change was triggered by a prank at work and was taken off guard because the environment was presumed to be safe and respectful. Change elected not to have a conversation about the incident and deal with it on her (his?) own. Change is doing a lot of good stuff.

All I questioned was the dichotomy between the title and the post. If you've got a problem with me then perhaps you'd like to take it private chat. Last time I checked, my opinion is every bit as valid as yours is. I call em like I see them and I'm thinking a whole lot more than I am saying right now.

 

[Britt.f7]

Change, I'm sorry this happened. You felt you were in a situation you could trust. It is hard when you realize you can not trust it. But, think, if you didn't have PTSD, would you have reacted differently? This might take some of the sting out of it, especially if your boss doesn't know of your PTSD. I can't tell from your post whether she does or not.

Take a deep breath. Remember it was "only" a prank and hopefully the feeling will get better. I can only hope.

 

[Seasounds]

Thank you, everyone, for your support ( is good always) and thoughts (is especially good a week, after I feel supported and have moved through my PTSD fight, fight, or freeze mechanisms.) I am now better, and much due to being heard, held, and responded to, by all of you.

I realized that I did not mention that my boss did acknowledge using a tone of voice that she knew I would associate with 'being in trouble'. There was no need for her to use this approach, to have me wait for her. It was unskilled, prankish, and incongruent. I believe she was treated similarly, in her childhood. Weren't many of us? It doesn't make it ok, to repeat.

My feelings of betrayal (the word that best matches my experience), of course, from what it triggered, and, of course, from a level of treatment (and my erroneous transference of the 'good enough mother') that I expect from professionals. Now, once again, i know that just because people are senior to me, it doesn't make them more mature.

And in light of things, it was a bit of a power/intimidation play;she did this just before she introduced me to upper management, for doing a good job. Would I do the same to her, in such a situation? Never!

I am relatively new to playing in the big leagues. Your support and thoughts are getting me through, truly.:) I'll do my best to save my hopeful transference to my therapist:rolleyes:, while I continue to expect and defend my right :tup: to respectful treatment, using political wisdom.

At our Christmas party, I may find a moment-where a prank has been played, to kindly say, "You know, I don't
like pranks, how about you?":cool: