Beyond Help And Hope

[Justmehere]

Voc Rehab just deemed me "unemployable." I am currently employed in a very part time basis. They decided I am unemployable and unable to rehabilitate because I had a severe panic attack/meltdown after their trauma therapist pushed to do trauma work instead of letting me do that with my private therapist only and focusing on employment related PTSD management skills.

My paid internship that was set up by Voc Rehab that was supposed to start next week was canceled. The organization the internship was with is still willing to possibly work with me, and then I can work there for free for two months and prove I'm employable.

But I'm sucidial. I gave up so much to make this work with DVR and their own psych evaluator agreed with my boundaries and bough doing more trauma work with them and not just my therapist was a bad idea. He told them I needed skills work. He doesn't know why they shoved this therapist in me and I tired to comply. She gave all my personal info to a friend with no authorizations and then penalized me.

I sent my normal trauma therapist a message. She promised to call me later today. I went to the ER. I told them I was sucidial. They responded in a way that triggered me to have a flashback and I literally wound up in the corner shaking and saying "don't hurt me. I will obey." They discharged me. Yes, really. When I started to again tell them I am not ok, I can't do this, they said I had to leave or else they would call the police,

I left and walked to my doctors office, not knowing what else to do.

I'm there now. They don't know what to do either. They don't want to send me back to the ER.

I am here and I'm going to walk home. I need to find a way to survive the next few hours until my therapist calls.

You know what I'm doing? I'm proving them right. I am an utter failure and I'm proving it.

This time of year is historically the worst time of year.

I am shaking and every cell in my body hurts with shame. I don't see any path past this anymore. I fail like this and I ruin everything.

I'm sure I'm not making sense. I don't know why to do anymore. I have no more money for therapy other than the one appointment a week I pay for in full. My therapist says I engage therapy really well. She doesn't understand this reaction to me by Vic Rehab and she has been seeing me for a year.

Spinning out. I am good at destroying my life.

 

[shimmerz]

You are totally making sense. It is what is happening around you that isn't making sense. You have done everything right. Honestly. There is nothing in this post (besides the inability of others) that indicates you are destroying things for yourself.

I don't want to be condescending and say 'deep breath', but um,,,,,, deep breath. I am here and will watch for your posts if that helps you. I mean I can think of much better people to talk to than me while in crisis so I won't take it personally if you think that isn't helpful..... but I am here. If you can, picture me walking beside you. I've got your back.

 

[driftaway]

Wow. I can't believe they discharged you.
In response to the "ruining things" part....Theres a big difference between being capable of functioning in every day life and being able to function when life throws you a sh*tstorm... I think I speak for everyone here when I say I think you were thrown a bit of a storm that just kept getting worse. I'm so sorry that all this happened to you. I bet even if you are "unemployable", you have a lot to offer the world and to offer other people. I see you all the time in chat helping others and sharing your experience and strength. If nothing else, you are needed here. I hope we hear from you soon. If not, I hope you found the mental health care you needed tonight. Good luck, jmh.

 

[hodge]

Oh, JMH! I so wish I could be there with you! If it would help, that is. I would do anything to try to help you. I'll stay on here in case you want to pm me. You hang in there till you hear from your therapist, okay? I'll be here for you in the meantime. :hug:s

 

[Fadeaway]

Oh Sweetie, we are here for you.

You are making a lot of sense. I don't think you are destroying your life, just caught in some very shitty circumstances, having PTSD included in that.

:hug::hug::hug:

 

[Ocean5]

HUGE HUG if you accept.
Wish i could sit with you until therapist called.
Still shocked over ER.

 

[hodge]

JMH, hon, it might not be a bad idea to apply for disability. I know how horrible hard that is, but you need to eat and pay rent/house payment. I would get a lawyer who specializes in it to get you started. I think it would go through quicker that way. We've paid into this, this is what it's for.

 

[hodge]

I am on it and can now work part-time. You can go back to work whenever you feel up to it and still get benefits. There's just a monthly income limit before you would lose benefits.

 

[Deleted member 32984]

Voc Rehab just deemed me "unemployable." I am currently employed in a very part time basis. They deci...

Just hang in there kiddo you are strong and beautiful don't let them break u please be safe don't do anything that will hurt u if u need someone to talk to I would be more than happy I heart u just

 

[expectingbetter]

I admire you for how much strength you must have had to endure such treatment from people who are supposed to help you.

I hope you are managing to hold on until your T calls. You are not alone, a lot of people from the forum are with you in their thoughts.

I am sorry you have to put up with all that.

I hope you will get much needed support and compassion from your therapist as soon as possible. You have mine for sure.

I don't think you have done anything wrong, sometimes we perform all well and nothing turns out to be good in the end. Please keep faith that this must change eventually.

 

[Friday]

It may feel like your life is destroyed right now.

It isn't.


- DVR is a little tangled, but it can all be sorted. You do NOT have to sort it right now.

- An ER & Doctors office visit went badly.

- You're waiting for your trauma therapist to call.


You're triggered, right now. It's a bad day. But so far nothing that's happened today ruins your life or can't be fixed. I know it feels like it's the end. It's not.

 

[scout86]

I had a client call me once, in tears, because a "horse trainer" had told her that her horse was "not trainable". She wanted to know what that meant. I pointed out that this was a horse that she could catch and lead, and that I could trim her feet, no problem at all. Did she think that involved "training". She agreed that it did. So, obviously, the horse was trainable. It was the trainer who wasn't up to the job.

You haven't done anything wrong. In fact, you've done all the right things so far. If you have any doubt about your abilities, go back and read some of the things you've said to other members here over the past few days. You've been magnificent. Like Friday said, nothing has to be done now. Like shimmez said, breathing is good.