Recovery4Me
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It is cute just could not get it to embed, so just click and bear with me!:x3::lurking:
It is cute just could not get it to embed, so just click and bear with me!:x3::lurking:
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Birthday
- Post starter shimmerz
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@shimmerz, I'd bring it up at Help Desk?
Happy birthday to you :)
You're not alone. (I'm celebrating the day I was back to life as a new birthday, aside that a chosen birthday beside my biological as it's closer to the day people dear to me celebrate theirs, so we can share the parties. It's also easier for me to plan for other people' birthday than my own.)
Happy birthday to you :)
You're not alone. (I'm celebrating the day I was back to life as a new birthday, aside that a chosen birthday beside my biological as it's closer to the day people dear to me celebrate theirs, so we can share the parties. It's also easier for me to plan for other people' birthday than my own.)
D
Deleted member 12723
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I had to change my first name because it was too painful to be called by own name. So my husband thought of a beautiful name for me and everyone around me calls by me by new name. What you did you did for you and I can so relate.
ms spock
VIP Member
HAPPY Belated BIRTHDAY!
Eleanor
Diamond Member
A very appropriate song for you, on your birthday this year. Sorry I am a bit late to the party!
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Lionheart
Not Active
Happy Belated Birthday!!! :singing: I say change things to suit yourself all you need to as long as it is positive in nature, and good for you for taking care of yourself!!!
- Post starter
- #19
Update. Phone call from youngest son. 'I didn't call you on (new birthday) because it is weird. To me your birthday is ...... old birthday.'
Response: I have told you for three years why I am changing my birthday - each year you tell me why you aren't going to honour it (not to mention other two kids completely ignore it).
There is extreme family system shit going on around here and I am totally messed up today. I am so fed up with all of this.
Sorry Rant Over. Not in a good space and again birthday is part of it AGAIN.
Perhaps it has nothing to do with the date but instead the attitudes of the people around me. I need new people (which I have). She honoured my birthday. She made me a cake with such beautiful decorations. I realized when she presented me with it - I am certain it has been decades since I have had any make me a birthday cake. Tears. PTSD people aren't crazy. They are compassionate and loving and caring.
Okay, now Rant Over
Response: I have told you for three years why I am changing my birthday - each year you tell me why you aren't going to honour it (not to mention other two kids completely ignore it).
There is extreme family system shit going on around here and I am totally messed up today. I am so fed up with all of this.
Sorry Rant Over. Not in a good space and again birthday is part of it AGAIN.
Perhaps it has nothing to do with the date but instead the attitudes of the people around me. I need new people (which I have). She honoured my birthday. She made me a cake with such beautiful decorations. I realized when she presented me with it - I am certain it has been decades since I have had any make me a birthday cake. Tears. PTSD people aren't crazy. They are compassionate and loving and caring.
Okay, now Rant Over
@shimmerz, what would help you right now, how can people support you?
I'm sorry your family isn't respecting you, that blows. Still, stands you have a right to be who you need to be, happy first and foremost.
(And may I paraphrase you? With a slight variation? 'Mental illness is when someone with power over you says you're crazy'. Their opinion, even if cherished in other cases, perhaps? Lacks relevance here.)
I'm sorry your family isn't respecting you, that blows. Still, stands you have a right to be who you need to be, happy first and foremost.
(And may I paraphrase you? With a slight variation? 'Mental illness is when someone with power over you says you're crazy'. Their opinion, even if cherished in other cases, perhaps? Lacks relevance here.)
Tears for your childhood :(. That's horrid!!! I felt outrage at your hideous non birthday experience and it made me feel small for ever thinking my life was the worst it could ever have been. I hope you find love and develop an "inner" loving parent, because you deserve to be loved and celebrated and to have happiness and joy in your life today. Don't let the bast..ds win!
- Moderator
- #22
Nicolette
Supporter Admin
As a belated birthday gift I have done this for you but @joeylittle advised, this request should be directed to the Help Desk or if a private change (as in the information is not displayed on your profile) then post at the Help Desk without the 'date' (in this instance) and someone will contact you accordingly.
- Post starter
- #23
I have work to do @Cashew. Thank you so much for asking this question. I need to know whether this is a Blue not Blue issue. I have posted 3 posts, and they all bleed into one another. This morning I can't stop crying and I don't know why.
I need to live in Shimmerzville and there need to be no cell phones there. And I get to stop taking on the role of Mom in this creepy creepy family who thinks they are the cats meow.
Eleanor
Diamond Member
I think it is a Blue/Not Blue issue for you.
Are you thinking of motherhood as all or nothing?
You have lots of options. From the one end - change your number, don't give out your address, don't contact them - to the other end - show up on their doorstep and throw yourself on their mercy. There are LOTS of colors in between. You could, for example adopt a policy to NEVER accept their calls straightaway - but give yourself fifteen minutes to decide if you WANT to talk to them. You could answer their calls only on select days and no others. You could decide on rules about when the smoke detector would go off and you have to get off the phone. If you don't trust yourself to notice this soon enough, you could enlist a "call monitor" to listen in and tell you when you have to go (this would have to be in conjunction with the never answering their calls directly strategy, also, it would require a bit of practice and calibration to get on the same page as the monitor - but that would likely be a super learning experience..)
You need to establish your own identity and heal your own emotional body - so I'd recommend (if I was qualified to recommend anything, which I am not) that you look at the minimal contact end of the spectrum.
They are grown ups. You need to treat them like grown ups. One thing grown ups do is to reliably treat other people (even? Especially! their parents) with compassion and respect. Son on phone is struggling with this. It is not rocket science. He could figure it out. You could tell him "what I need from you is...." and be very specific. I suspect you have been. And he doesn't. That is his issue NOT yours (that bit IS definitely Blue.) If he can't do normal compassion and respect even when specifically instructed how that is HIS problem. Not yours.
Does that help?
Maybe you are crying because you are grieving? Just because the old role (coat as @FridayJones so usefully frames it) was not an entirely bad one, it is, nevertheless, one that you can't wear any more. We can grieve old coats, and still not want them back.
Are you thinking of motherhood as all or nothing?
You have lots of options. From the one end - change your number, don't give out your address, don't contact them - to the other end - show up on their doorstep and throw yourself on their mercy. There are LOTS of colors in between. You could, for example adopt a policy to NEVER accept their calls straightaway - but give yourself fifteen minutes to decide if you WANT to talk to them. You could answer their calls only on select days and no others. You could decide on rules about when the smoke detector would go off and you have to get off the phone. If you don't trust yourself to notice this soon enough, you could enlist a "call monitor" to listen in and tell you when you have to go (this would have to be in conjunction with the never answering their calls directly strategy, also, it would require a bit of practice and calibration to get on the same page as the monitor - but that would likely be a super learning experience..)
You need to establish your own identity and heal your own emotional body - so I'd recommend (if I was qualified to recommend anything, which I am not) that you look at the minimal contact end of the spectrum.
They are grown ups. You need to treat them like grown ups. One thing grown ups do is to reliably treat other people (even? Especially! their parents) with compassion and respect. Son on phone is struggling with this. It is not rocket science. He could figure it out. You could tell him "what I need from you is...." and be very specific. I suspect you have been. And he doesn't. That is his issue NOT yours (that bit IS definitely Blue.) If he can't do normal compassion and respect even when specifically instructed how that is HIS problem. Not yours.
Does that help?
Maybe you are crying because you are grieving? Just because the old role (coat as @FridayJones so usefully frames it) was not an entirely bad one, it is, nevertheless, one that you can't wear any more. We can grieve old coats, and still not want them back.
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