December 2
So relieved to have found this site, wasn't aware how alone I was feeling. Knew I was scared.
I quit smoking cigarettes 32 days ago, after a life time of them, started at 14 after being raped, now 51.
Like every other time I have quit it takes me back to feeling vulnerable, unprotected, I don't have the smoke screen between me and the world. This time I am willing to put up with the psychological symptoms, I need to put physical concerns as a priority, this is the first I have, I always sacrificed physically to try and keep emotional symptoms at bay.
But quitting got me to a place where I had to reach out for more help and found this site, which is exactly what I need. A safe place where I don't have to screen what I am thinking and feeling.
In my quit smoking group, most of them feel better each day, week that goes by. Not me, I have good days, but then I go into depression, paranoia, anxiety, then back out again.
Journaling really helps me, have gotten amazing results before, stabilized then was able to achieve things I didn't think I would be able to. so I am going to use this to track mood, eating, goals, self care. I do much better when I write and post what I am trying to do, keeps me accountable, makes it more real.
I am currently in a online yahoo group, dbt skills class. I have been on it for about ten years, participated actively for probably two or three. I recommit when I hit rough waters, like now, helps me stabilize. I did face to face skills group for a year and a half, and individual therapy.
I study and practice mindfulness, loving kindness, ect, really helps me lighten up, I read Pema Chodrin most mornings.
I did social work for 20 years and now on disability for PTSD and currently traveling, camping. I have traveled, camped three out of the last five years as a way to deal with the PTSD, went home and got a house when my mom was dying but then thought I wanted to live traveling again so a few months ago i left again.
I am now ready to try it in one place again, I think:) plan is to camp till may then go back home and get a place. Last time depression got bad, but I am tired of moving all the time. Oh well, that's five months from now.
Eating has always been a challenge, either too much or two little. When I travel it is too little because it is work to buy it, store it cook it. But I think I am to a place where it is essential for my mental health. I can't take any medication right now, because of health stuff, so keeping blood sugar even is imperative if I don't want to feel like s...! So will track what I eat.
Today
Seafood salad
3 protein bars
Cheese burger
French fries
Goal is to have protein through day. Like so many of us, I have a ton of digestive/stress issues, so this is the best plan for me.
Feel a lot happier today then in last couple of weeks, don't know if it was eating enough protein, going to beach, finding this site, hormones switching again, adjusting to not smoking. I'll take it though!
My ultimate goal in the next five months before I go home is to become more comfortable in my own skin, even when I am having symptoms, radical acceptance. When I am in a symptom free time I can do this but I still judge and somewhat abandon myself when having a hard time, working and focusing on getting out of it, which doesn't seem to always be realistic. So goal is to spend more time being and less time doing. This takes acceptance of feelings and less thinking and planning for the future, letting go of some control. Not easy but at this stage of life a worthy cause, increase my quality of life. So I will also list pleasant events, fun things I am doing. I have spent my life working, surviving, getting through. Going to a cool nature preserve with dog that I found yesterday by accident, knew I had to get out of the campground and my mind. This is on a ocean lagoon, very few people, dog loves it we can play. Will do some mindfulness mediation and be:)
So relieved to have found this site, wasn't aware how alone I was feeling. Knew I was scared.
I quit smoking cigarettes 32 days ago, after a life time of them, started at 14 after being raped, now 51.
Like every other time I have quit it takes me back to feeling vulnerable, unprotected, I don't have the smoke screen between me and the world. This time I am willing to put up with the psychological symptoms, I need to put physical concerns as a priority, this is the first I have, I always sacrificed physically to try and keep emotional symptoms at bay.
But quitting got me to a place where I had to reach out for more help and found this site, which is exactly what I need. A safe place where I don't have to screen what I am thinking and feeling.
In my quit smoking group, most of them feel better each day, week that goes by. Not me, I have good days, but then I go into depression, paranoia, anxiety, then back out again.
Journaling really helps me, have gotten amazing results before, stabilized then was able to achieve things I didn't think I would be able to. so I am going to use this to track mood, eating, goals, self care. I do much better when I write and post what I am trying to do, keeps me accountable, makes it more real.
I am currently in a online yahoo group, dbt skills class. I have been on it for about ten years, participated actively for probably two or three. I recommit when I hit rough waters, like now, helps me stabilize. I did face to face skills group for a year and a half, and individual therapy.
I study and practice mindfulness, loving kindness, ect, really helps me lighten up, I read Pema Chodrin most mornings.
I did social work for 20 years and now on disability for PTSD and currently traveling, camping. I have traveled, camped three out of the last five years as a way to deal with the PTSD, went home and got a house when my mom was dying but then thought I wanted to live traveling again so a few months ago i left again.
I am now ready to try it in one place again, I think:) plan is to camp till may then go back home and get a place. Last time depression got bad, but I am tired of moving all the time. Oh well, that's five months from now.
Eating has always been a challenge, either too much or two little. When I travel it is too little because it is work to buy it, store it cook it. But I think I am to a place where it is essential for my mental health. I can't take any medication right now, because of health stuff, so keeping blood sugar even is imperative if I don't want to feel like s...! So will track what I eat.
Today
Seafood salad
3 protein bars
Cheese burger
French fries
Goal is to have protein through day. Like so many of us, I have a ton of digestive/stress issues, so this is the best plan for me.
Feel a lot happier today then in last couple of weeks, don't know if it was eating enough protein, going to beach, finding this site, hormones switching again, adjusting to not smoking. I'll take it though!
My ultimate goal in the next five months before I go home is to become more comfortable in my own skin, even when I am having symptoms, radical acceptance. When I am in a symptom free time I can do this but I still judge and somewhat abandon myself when having a hard time, working and focusing on getting out of it, which doesn't seem to always be realistic. So goal is to spend more time being and less time doing. This takes acceptance of feelings and less thinking and planning for the future, letting go of some control. Not easy but at this stage of life a worthy cause, increase my quality of life. So I will also list pleasant events, fun things I am doing. I have spent my life working, surviving, getting through. Going to a cool nature preserve with dog that I found yesterday by accident, knew I had to get out of the campground and my mind. This is on a ocean lagoon, very few people, dog loves it we can play. Will do some mindfulness mediation and be:)
