EveHarrington
VIP Member
I’m guessing that this is something that many of us struggle with, or have struggled with at some point.
I am struggling to break ties with my dad.
I am going to be open and honest so in the future when I falter and want to reach out to him, I can read this and see the truth staring me in the face.
Based on what I have told my therapist, she says that he is narcissistic. I’m not here to argue the point of him being full blown NPD, but based on my understanding, he does indeed at a minimum display narcissistic traits that have harmed me (and others).
My father beat me from when I was very young up until I was about 16 or so. I’m not quite sure why it stopped. I was the only child of all my siblings to get beaten. In addition, they never saw it, so to this day I’m not sure if they accept the reality of what happened to me. (But really, it doesn’t matter.) I look at pictures of myself and omg I was the cutest kid! How anyone could beat me, I don’t know. I look at my nephew and just the thought of him getting hurt makes me want to break down, so I can’t understand the mindset of someone who beats kids.
About 2 1/2 years ago my dad just walked out of my life. He was one of my greatest supporters up until that point. (Fcked up, I know. He focused on me being disordered because of the sexual abuse, not owning the fact that he used to beat me.) I was devastated. What happened? He met a woman. I don’t know the exact dynamics of their relationship, but I do know that she is a very jealous woman. Jealous of me, jealous of my mom, JEALOUS OF MY DAD’S DOG!
My mom and I called his wife one night (my dad was a wimp and told my mom he would only communicate with her through his wife. It went about as well as could be expected. My mom did nothing over the top to warrant this, especially given that they were in the middle of trying to sell their house.) So anyway, I felt bold and confronted my dad about how he used to beat me, how he sent my mom to the ER. Asshole denied it and said I didn’t beat you, I only beat the dog! OMG my mom lost it. That dog was bonded with her and she had no idea that my dad was beating him behind her back.
I tried to reconnect with my dad last summer when I went inpatient. (Messed up, I know.) The hospital had family support services and I wanted to try to mend things with my dad. It took a full week of freakin’ negotiations just to get him to come to a one hour therapy session alone, and even then I was told that he couldn’t see me because of the “situation” in his marriage (whatever that means). He told me that I should pretend he lived on the other side of the country, when in reality he lives 30 minutes away.
I asked him to lunch a month later. It was awkward but ok, until the end when he told me that I needed to mend things with his wife. Huh? Oh hail no. She gets no spoons, ever. I was only willing to mend things with my dad at that point. This was 9 months ago. He has made zero attempts to see me or talk to me. I saw him in passing, twice, at my parents house. (Mom still lived there, I helped her with moving.)
I call him during freak outs when I want support. It never ends well. The rejection and hurt just continue. Why don’t I ever learn???
I write this and feel nothing. It’s like my mind has no capacity to hold on to anger. (My therapist says I have dissociated anger issues as anger isn’t safe for me to feel.)
My goal is to use this thread as a place where I can get some accountability. I know I need to cut ties, but a part of me, that young part of me, still wants my daddy! I need to tell my little one that she is never going to have the daddy that she needed. It’s never going to happen.
Thank you.
I am struggling to break ties with my dad.
I am going to be open and honest so in the future when I falter and want to reach out to him, I can read this and see the truth staring me in the face.
Based on what I have told my therapist, she says that he is narcissistic. I’m not here to argue the point of him being full blown NPD, but based on my understanding, he does indeed at a minimum display narcissistic traits that have harmed me (and others).
My father beat me from when I was very young up until I was about 16 or so. I’m not quite sure why it stopped. I was the only child of all my siblings to get beaten. In addition, they never saw it, so to this day I’m not sure if they accept the reality of what happened to me. (But really, it doesn’t matter.) I look at pictures of myself and omg I was the cutest kid! How anyone could beat me, I don’t know. I look at my nephew and just the thought of him getting hurt makes me want to break down, so I can’t understand the mindset of someone who beats kids.
About 2 1/2 years ago my dad just walked out of my life. He was one of my greatest supporters up until that point. (Fcked up, I know. He focused on me being disordered because of the sexual abuse, not owning the fact that he used to beat me.) I was devastated. What happened? He met a woman. I don’t know the exact dynamics of their relationship, but I do know that she is a very jealous woman. Jealous of me, jealous of my mom, JEALOUS OF MY DAD’S DOG!
My mom and I called his wife one night (my dad was a wimp and told my mom he would only communicate with her through his wife. It went about as well as could be expected. My mom did nothing over the top to warrant this, especially given that they were in the middle of trying to sell their house.) So anyway, I felt bold and confronted my dad about how he used to beat me, how he sent my mom to the ER. Asshole denied it and said I didn’t beat you, I only beat the dog! OMG my mom lost it. That dog was bonded with her and she had no idea that my dad was beating him behind her back.
I tried to reconnect with my dad last summer when I went inpatient. (Messed up, I know.) The hospital had family support services and I wanted to try to mend things with my dad. It took a full week of freakin’ negotiations just to get him to come to a one hour therapy session alone, and even then I was told that he couldn’t see me because of the “situation” in his marriage (whatever that means). He told me that I should pretend he lived on the other side of the country, when in reality he lives 30 minutes away.
I asked him to lunch a month later. It was awkward but ok, until the end when he told me that I needed to mend things with his wife. Huh? Oh hail no. She gets no spoons, ever. I was only willing to mend things with my dad at that point. This was 9 months ago. He has made zero attempts to see me or talk to me. I saw him in passing, twice, at my parents house. (Mom still lived there, I helped her with moving.)
I call him during freak outs when I want support. It never ends well. The rejection and hurt just continue. Why don’t I ever learn???
I write this and feel nothing. It’s like my mind has no capacity to hold on to anger. (My therapist says I have dissociated anger issues as anger isn’t safe for me to feel.)
My goal is to use this thread as a place where I can get some accountability. I know I need to cut ties, but a part of me, that young part of me, still wants my daddy! I need to tell my little one that she is never going to have the daddy that she needed. It’s never going to happen.
Thank you.
