Relationship Broken Hearted And Helpless

[Abandoned]

Hi there,

It's been a week............. and heartbroken.

My (now ex) boyfriend and I have split... on his terms, and I'm absolutely devastated. I've known him for quite a while, and unfortunately we work at the same place, although we don't work together.

We're really great together, have always had a ton of fun, but all of a sudden, he was very distant. I felt like I was doing everything in the relationship, the last straw was when he left me hanging one night when we were finally going to see each other.

It came down to him coming over to my house after trying to get a hold of him repeatedly, and explaining that he knew exactly what he was doing and how it was making me feel, but it's like he didn't "care". He's not a talker, and left me in the dark for a while, and this just wasn't like him.

He explained further that he was emotionally numb, and just didn't feel anything. We talked until he decided to spend the night, and, after all of this speak, we made love... twice. And it was the most emotion I've felt from him in quite a long time.

So, in the morning, he said it was O.V.E.R. Just over. And I couldn't believe it. Still can't. Even though he tells me he loves me and tells me he doesn't want to lose me, shows me heightened emotion over night, he breaks it off....

He mentioned that morning (finally) that a couple of weeks ago he started doing some freelance work for the VA and had to take a self-assessment which basically ended in a pop-up window explaining that he was a candidate for PTSD. And, that's when all of the neglect and negative feelings really started with him.

I'm extremely helpless, and again, I'm devastated. I told him that if he just talked to me we could figure this out together, but he wasn't fond of the idea and said that a night like the last would just happen again.

He's reached out to me with just a, "Hi, how are you?" and it just hurts and I'm not sure if I should reach out or not. I'm not even sure why he said that or felt compelled to. I've tried to act strong and remove myself to give him the space that I think he needs, but all in all, I want him to come back, and I want our relationship more than anything.

Any advice that you could give would be great...

What should I do? Should I remove myself and wait until he comes to me?

Thanks new friends.

 

[Nicolette]

Hi Kari

I am sorry for what you are going through. There are times with PTSD when no matter what you do it will not have the desired response, despite good intentions, and its hard to deal with. It is often also hard to separate what is the illness and what is them.

You may find, since you said he said he was emotionally numb, that the emotional connection making love was enough to over load him once again making him retreat and wanting isolation or..................??? I know men who have done as you speak and it had nothing to do with PTSD.

It's murky water with PTSD at times especially early days and I think the first thing you need to be certain of is a diagnosis as that may help clear things up as to some of the reactions - determining if they are the illness or just the way he 'breaks up' with people.

Take care.

 

[Abandoned]

Thanks, Nicolette.

After he stood me up, FINALLY showed up and beginning talking about it, he already had his mind made up that he was going to do this again, and hurt me... again, resulting in just ending it.

He mentioned so many times that he knew I was basically giving everything, that he loves me to death and doesn't want to lose me. But again, can't give me what I need right now. He kept mentioning "emotionally numb" or "not feeling anything" which is why he stood me up in the first place.... He knew exactly what he was doing and how it made me feel.

All of this, and we make love once before bed, and again in the morning. And then it ends, for good.

I'm incredibly confused because of the fact that he "loves being with me", "doesn't want to lose me", "loves me to death" and so on, but then ends it???

I haven't spoken to him (besides the hi, how are you), for an entire week, trying to give him space, but all I feel I want to do now is send him a message.

Hardest thing ever, and need some advice.

 

[Angel7]

Hi Kari

I understand 100% as I am going through the same with my partner. If I ask him to call me he won't. He doesn't answer the phone to me either, but if I leave him with time alone he sends messages as if nothing wrong. Although they have gone from very loving messages to a full stop on end with no kisses, maybe read my story and it may help.

Stay strong for yourself to be able to cope, I feel like my world has ended after a 7 year fairytale romance and so many plans for the future.

Its certainly the hardest emotional thing I have ever had to cope with :(

 

[Abandoned]

Thanks, Angel.

I appreciate the comment.

He did reach out to me, but only a couple times a few days ago. The past 4 days has been absolutely NO contact whatsoever.

I did write him an instant message on Thursday, just to say good morning, which he responded to politely (like nothing was wrong). After a TAD bit of conversation and him mentioning that he was "just in this funk", I said, "Well, I know you need time and space, but you know where to find me if you want to talk."

He responded with "Thanks, that means a lot."

And.... that's it.

I haven't heard a peep from him, and I'm starting to go crazy.

 

[aerolock1969]

:)Hello Kari,

I was in a serious 4 year relationship with my sufferer...engaged and lived together (to give perspective). Prior to us living together, he would do the same thing that you said your boyfriend is doing. This detachment never stopped, just waves of great times and then waves of horrific times of painful deatchment. It is common for the sufferer to detach when their PTSD is triggered. You are not alone, and it is a very agonizing thing for you to withstand. You are off to a good start by being on this forum. My best advice is to get as educated as you can on PTSD so that you know what you are in store for if you do choose to fight for your man.

Hi Angel, sadly I know the grief you are speaking of all too well. I hope you will be ok. I stayed in the relationship as long as I did because I thought eventually he would get over it and get 'better'. I loved him more than anything in my life, and still love him and miss him, but realize I cannot be with him. Talk about torture, lol. But I am finally at peace and enjoying life again, so that is the positive side of things .

 

[Angel7]

I am as low as i can go at the minute, and cant seem to pick myself up and let him go, I am hanging onto 7 years of fairytale romance to try and sort things with him, when really i should just let him go.

I am hurting so badly and terribly sad that something so magical ends like this, no explanations it is so hard.

I will never ever let myself fall in love again because he has destroyed me. Think the time has come that i need to tell him to go, he wants to still be in our lives and would always think there is a glimmer of hope, if there was i would always be there for him.

Really dont know what to do. I want to stay as I love him so much but hate him for making me feel like this .

 

[Abandoned]

Hello Angel, could you talk on the phone?

 

[Angel7]

Yes, where are you ???

 

[Angel7]

If you want I can give you my e mail and in that telephone number, would be good to catch up with someone who is going through hell, or has gone through it :)

 

[TwyFam]

Omg.. I'm going through the same bs... Except my ex bf won't even talk to me at all!!! I'm hurt and confused. Ugh... So sad...

 

[Angel7]

Hello Twyfam , don't give up we just have to remember they are not thinking straight. But yes it is all so sad! I have to be really careful what I say on the phone as I desperately want him to come home from work. Take care here is a great forum with support which makes you realize you are not going crazy :)