Childhood Bullying

[Cole Fisher]

I was bullied for 7 years due to my mental disabilities and my mind already sensitive due to those disorders has latched on to many memories of the past the most common is the very vivid memory of someone trying to bash my head into a tree and people calling me things like “retard” but I even remember things like people attacking me specific names of people who bullied me and the worst part is that it seems like no one truly understands what I am going through because people just tell me to not think about it but I can’t it’s perpetually scared into my head and I don’t know what to do I am not depressed or anything I just feel lost and alone through this

 

[blackemerald1]

Hello @Cole Fisher - welcome to the forums.
Have you been diagnosed with PTSD?

I'm not sure but is the bullying over and done with now and you are dealing with the aftermath?

 

[Cole Fisher]

@blackemerald1 yes I have been diagnosed, the bullying is over and done with but I remember everything that happened very vividly, and I am dealing with the aftermath, I switched school districts before I entered my freshman year of high school

 

[Cole Fisher]

@blackemerald1 the response I have to flashbacks is a physical response, heart rate increases, breathing increases and becomes shaky, I eventually can’t talk, I eventually can’t move because at that point I am fighting my body for control because I am freaking out that badly, I am practically deaf and blind during the process, I lose perception of time, my other senses are greatly decreased, I twitch, I shake, and at the peak my memory goes fuzzy

 

[DharmaGirl]

That is a pretty normal PTSD response. Are you working with a therapist to learn how to deal with your symptoms? I find it helpful to have lots of tools for my symptoms, because they can help you pull yourself out of a flashback or panic attack, and give you a better quality of life. It's also true that sometimes with therapy things get worse before they get better.

 

[Cole Fisher]

@DharmaGirl I do have a therapist, the main issue is that I reach that point rather quickly sometimes faster than I can respond, or strategies that once worked no longer do or doesn’t have the same effect I have been trying to find groups to talk about this to help develop new ways of dealing with it

 

[DharmaGirl]

It takes years to perfect your tools. Perhaps you could ask your therapist for new ones? I know you reach that point quickly, we all do because of how our brain responds, but then, while you are having a flashback, you can pull yourself out. Believe me, I understand what you're going through and you can get control over most of this by practicing your tools. If they aren't working, practice more or ask your therapist. There are several threads about self-soothing and how to deal with triggers. You can use the search button to find them. This isn't insurmountable, it just looks like it from where you are. Good luck and hope to see you around.

 

[Cole Fisher]

@DharmaGirl thanks

 

[pam4him]

So sorry for the struggle. Life can deal some hard blows sometimes. Sometimes therapy works like healing a cold. It starts out with just a sniffle, then congestion, a cough, sore throat, and keeps building so your dealing with all of the symptoms. But then they start to disappear as the cold gets better. Perhaps you've reached that multi-symptom level with your memories. Be patient with yourself, don't give up, the "cold" should get better with continued treatment. You are strong and you CAN do this! Prayers for peace, strength and guidance on your journey.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Sometimes therapy works like healing a cold. It starts out with just a sniffle, then congestion, a cough, sore throat, and keeps building so your dealing with all of the symptoms. But then they start to disappear as the cold gets better.

What an excellent example! I never thought of it that way but you're right.