Can Isolation be called a Break Up?

[Yojimbo]

Ive been reading a lot about isolation and I was wondering if anyone ever says they are leaving?

My girlfriend who showed the signs of having cptsd and telling me she had issues wed one day have to discuss, broke up with me out of the blue a day and a half after a nice day out. She said i deserved someone more stable, who can give me what i need and isnt broken, but switched it to lack of spark or chemistry when i told her shes great and im fine with things.

Can this be isolation? I sent a message letting her know that I wont bother her, i want her to know i can understand how scary itd be to get close to someone again, im sorry if contributed to feelings of being unsafe. Id love to still have contact if she wants to, even just texting about non serious stuff like art or playing games she likes online. Said if she needs to isolate and heal i understand, that ill be holding a candle for her for a while so if she ever wants to reach out i promise to answer. I said to be kind to herself, self care is important, shes not broken, she is awe inspiring in her strength. Havent heard anything yet

Unsure how long i should hold that candle.

 

[grit]

I hope things work out for you. I really do but I also wonder if you could just for a moment take a time for yourself and see what this means for you?

For example, you said:

im sorry if contributed to feelings of being unsafe

To me this sounds not authentic way of communicating. And it could mean that she left for a good reason because you are the kind of person who just says things.

For example, if you truly make her feel unsafe, say exactly what that was. Better to say it right after it happened not after she is gone.
If you are intune and connected to her, you should notice when you cross a boundary or make her feel unsafe or trigger her.

If you truly think you are not doing that and she is just triggered by ghost, then the question is, are you the right person for her this time in her life?

In my experience and having cptsd, I needed clear, precise, direct conversation. If you are ambiguous and withholding information, this aint gonna fly.
I hope you find a way to express exactly what if any did you contribute for her to split?

 

[Friday]

Some people break up & get back together every time they isolate.

Others, like myself, don’t. If I break up with someone? We’re done.

 

[Yojimbo]

She never told me anything. Since the suprise break up wih her saying i didnt do anything wrong ive just been researching trying to make sense of it.
All i knew is she had anxiety, some depression and trust issues. I did notice in our time together she disliked compliments and maybe had an aversion to touch. She told me our last day togetherthat she cant get manicures as her hands and feet being touched was difficult. One day she told me she doesnt like her chin touching her chest and her thighs touching if she sleeps on her side. She never said i ever triggered her that way. So in my message i apologized if me holding her hand on walks and other things ever contributed to her feeling unsafe as i didnt know about the touch. I just shortened my message to describe it here.

 

[EveHarrington]

Yes, breaking up can be a means to achieve isolation.

However, I don’t want to give you false hope as we are all different.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

A question — does she have PTSD, or is this how you are reading into it?

Also, people decide to leave people, PTSD or not. As someone with PTSD, I have left people, namely my latest ex, which was probably one of the best decisions I made in my life. He was convinced that I would come back, that I wouldn’t sustain it, that my mental health issues were to blame. Honestly, his decision that the breakup was about my “issues” (as he called them) was fuel to the fire for me to stay gone. Leaving was a decision I made based on my own understanding of what I needed, the same way that other people make the same decision, and what i wanted was to be respected in that decision.

Not sure what is happening here, but she might just want to break up; it could have nothing to do with PTSD (if she has it).

 

[EveHarrington]

Re-reading....

Space is one of those things that is quite difficult to understand.

Actually telling her that you are "holding a candle" for her could indeed feel like you're not honoring her request for space. It sounds weird, but you're not giving her emotional space.....which to me is most important, and I have a feeeling it is to many others here as well, it's just that the easiest way to get emotional space is by forcing physical space. Cue the ghosting, the running, the blocking...

Maybe you're not an American and in your culture "holding a candle" doesn't sound you're pining away for her and waiting by the phone until she calls......but, this is how it sounds to me as this phrase isn't common, at least around me.

Honestly, the best thing that someone can do for us when we need space is to HOLD SPACE. This means you go do your own thing and live your own life while giving us room to work through our shit.

The learning curve for supporters is steep. I find that the first few months are make it or break it, until I can settle and they can settle and things start to even out.

But yeah, it's pretty much impossible to get space when one person wants to back off from relationship status and the other still wants to be together.

 

[Yojimbo]

Thank you for the info. She never asked for more space but I do know she needs a lot of alone time. Maybe she didnt feel comfortable letting me know she needs nights where we dont talk.

My intention with my message was to let her know that if she decides to reach out, I would respond and be there to talk. I said if she needs to isolate and heal I understand. I felt it was the best way to leave things open. Im saying i get it and im here for you if you need it.

The hard part is I dont what those issues she wanted to tell me are, and I dont know why she told me she was messed up more than i knew. She never said "I have PTSD" I only know she shows all those signs. Maybe she does and doesnt know it or maybe she does and thats the thing she wanted to tell me and spare me from, or maybe its something else entirely. All i know is this girl apparently felt i should be with someone more stable but I never had a single problem with her, and would stand by her through any of her "issues". She was the bewt person ive ever met and I worry each day if shes okay. So i dont want to try and move on yet.

 

[Justmehere]

Be careful trying to diagnosis her. What you describe doesn’t rule in or out any mental health condition. It’s not clear she has PTSD or cPTSD.

How long were you together?