I cry nearly every time I read from "Chicken Soup for the Kids Soul" aloud to my children and I. At these time I don't cry loudly or anything, but the tears simply fall from my eyes and my mouth kind of frowns downward and my lips shiver a bit. (LMAO right now). Can't believe I'm sharing this here. (funny)
Anyhow, ....so cute, sometime in the last two days, my daughter she was actively listening to the story but watching me. Later she tells me, she loves stories, because she anticipates how they end. But after I had finished this one particular story she stated this is so sad and wrapped her arms around me, shed some tears and all the while inviting my comfort. I gave her a great big hug and held her, and then we moved onto the next story. She loves me reading her stories.
My son on the other hand, and this was another time, story and day, found himself steadily gazing into my eyes at the stories completion. He has these great big, lovely, brown eyes, but he is generally so active that those present moments then of his long ...I mean long, steady gaze of his felt brandnew. Yes, tears had silently been flowing down my face, but again so long, intense and him speechless. I remarked, what is so interesting that you're looking at. Giving him a smile and trying to be humorous, is there something on my face. He said, No Mommy, I see Jesus. He's living in you. Om, his words though they made me feel happy and believable, were also hard to believe at the same time, and made me want to ball my eyes out, ......but I didn't.
My husb.'s a member of the forum and I know he won't mind me saying this here, but sometime in the last week or two, he really surprised me and said that a movie I had rented brought him to tears. Him telling me this made me very happy.
IMHO, tears are a beautiful thing. Yes, at certain times they need to be contained, as in many places of employment and professionalism, but at home with family, or out with family and friends, or even places of worship, they need to be allowed to naturally flow out.
There were those yrs. however, I did not do much crying. Very little, perhaps for that matter; Sometimes still months return like this. It wasn't/isn't my fault at these times. Yet, now I can do something about it. I can consciously choose to look beyond and beneath my fear, sometimes terror and anger that to easily can freeze my tears and effectively render me helplessly numb. I not only give others permission to cry and can witness and be there for them, but I've given myself permission to look, to see and to cry.
Crying is a beautiful gift that can belong to all of us. Generally, I accept and receive this gift, but I can't and I don't make it happen. And, in certain instances I do still hold back tears and postpone perhaps hoping for a better, more suitable time.
Now, those tears and crying that are forced and are made to happen, as if on timing, at convienece, will and decision those, IMHO, seem to seek to serve a different purpose. I mention these, because they do exist and I've witnessed them in action in prior yrs. and have since learned to see right through them for what they are.
In addition, making mention of this here now, has reminded me, even yrs. later of some of my past, ....Real sadness, grief, illness, fear and trauma, where I was ridiculed, humiliated, accused of making believe and demanding attention and consequently attacked simply for asking for sincere help, direction to help, and all while in helplessness and tears. The chief one responsible then for invoking such feelings of degradation and despair then was my mother, who by the way, seemed rather able to cry at will depending, what then felt to me like, upon the amount of guilt she was willing to instill.
