Childhood Can You Really Heal From Childhood Abuses?

[Notsowild]

Has anyone fully healed from prolonged sexual and physical abuse as a child. I know I haven't and I know I will always have these weird quirks about me. And I will probably never sustain a relationship because of it. Does anyone understand?

 

[J_trustno1]

Sorry about that @Notsowild , I feel the same about it. I am planning on starting therapy and hoping things work out.

 

[Notsowild]

This is from @anthony's article on complex trauma in"the Vault"

"However, those who endure trauma for an extended period under the age of twelve years are proven to present more devastating results in adulthood than complex trauma afflicted upon someone whom is already an adult. This is because morality, social skills, and life skills are all taught in childhood. The child's sense of right and wrong becomes altered, as well as their understanding of social function and their interpretation of the world around them. This can sometimes result in a personality disorder. [5] "

 

[ghotiff]

I was speaking to my T the other day about one of my issues and what I said was that ....I am currently towards one end of the spectrum now (startle response, panic attack and disassociation when someone unexpectedly touches me), and that when I healed I was hoping to be towards the middle, but that I would never be at the other end of the spectrum (a touchy feely kind of person). She agreed.

My point is, it depends on your definition of 'healed'. I know I will never become the adult I could have become without the abuse, but I believe I can be a happy adult (with some quirks).

 

[bluebird]

I think you can learn how to cope with triggers and everything else. It will still happen from time to time, but you will be able to ground yourself quickly...

Have you ever been diagnosed with a personslity disorder?

I do not know really much about this yet, but - personality disorders occur even without previous trauma, there is also some genetic component involvef. I believe the symptomes can be lessened so it won't be affecting your life as much, with the help of a skilled therapist.

You might not get rid of all symptomes; despise this fact, you can be healed - hope it makes sense a bit :)

I was searching something recently and I have found a site called Faith-Allen's blog - Journey to recovery from child sexual abuse - Blooming lotus... the woman, who wrote all this, went through horrible things; and she is filled with hope... her articles helped me a lot. Perhaps it can be a source of inspiration for you as well.

 

[silkleaves]

I feel where you are coming from. While I hate the idea that the things that happened to me so long ago are still affecting me, and at times I refuse to believe they are, it just feels ingrained.

Just the fact that I have spent my entire life trying to prove everything I was taught and told was wrong, that I spend every day and every interaction /relationship trying to prove myself is directly related to my childhood. And I hate it because I'd really love it to not have all that wrapped up in my head all the time.

I want to heal, but at the same time I feel hopeless.

 

[Nyssa]

Why do you mean by "fully healed"? How does it look like in your mind?

I have read people said they felt healed as long as they did not constantly suffer. Others would consider themselves healed while they described extensive avoidance behaviours. Others wouldn't say they are healed as long as their traumatic past would sometimes make them suffer in a way or another.

I think we all have a different idea of what healing should look like. Mine is still unclear.

 

[silkleaves]

Really good question @Nyssa ... personally, if I could go back to being able to avoid remembering and feeling anything, and pretending I'm doing great I would feel healed.

I know doing all that for my whole life it's why I'm so bad off now, but at least I was able to function. These past few years have been the worst. I just want to at least go back to what I had before.

Not healthy, I know.

 

[Nyssa]

@Notsowild,

Like I said, my vision of healing is still unclear. But always having weird quirks can definitely be part of it. Feeling different from most people because of my trauma could also be part of it. On the contrary, I won't consider myself healed as long as I'm unable to engage in a love relationship -- and as long as I'm struggling with any close relationship, as long as I can't picture myself being happy, as long as I hate myself, as long I am, at core, afraid of everyone and everything new, etc. (the list is not exhaustive).

So I'm not there yet. But it's seems accessible.

 

[Nyssa]

@silkleaves

I just want to at least go back to what I had before.

I can relate with that. I was feeling the same way when the pain was always there, disabling me in almost everything.

I never wished I could go back to my former denial, because it would have meant being back in my family and being in control of my abusers. That thought disgusted me too much. But I definitely wished I could at least feel as "good" as I had in denial.

Then I got better, and I forgot about that thought. A few weeks ago, I realized I had reached that point of "feeling as good as before". I actually feel better. It makes me realize how sad and unhappy I actually was at the time I pretended I was doing fine.

If this gives you any hope...

 

[silkleaves]

Yeah its like a "cant see the forest through the trees" thing. (Is that the saying?!) I know there's more out there, a better quality of life is possible, and I know that I was not at all happy all this time even before I had my meltdown, I even have a history of self harm.

But at least I was able to work consistently, was able to have a serious relationship..heck any relationship at all, I kept my home tidy, I was able to get up and go and do things whenever, I feel like I was a much better mom, friend, family member etc. Now, for the past four years, I'm completely useless the majority of the time.

Neither of them is "good" but I would trade who I was, for who I have become in a heartbeat. I guess in a while, I feel so far gone, like actual healing is so far off in the distance, if there at all, that I would be thrilled to just go back to what I had before. At least that was some kind of a life.

 

[Notsowild]

Thanks everyone for all your responses. That's why I love this place because of all of you:hug:

My point is, it depends on your definition of 'healed'. I know I will never become the adult I could have become without the abuse, but I believe I can be a happy adult (with some quirks).

Yes I want to be totally cured. No more weird quirks about touching. No love/hate about men l. No love/hate about sex. I just feel it is always going to be in the way of me ever having a relationship. Like really who would want me. I'm alot of work

@bluebird...

Have you ever been diagnosed with a personslity disorder?
I do not know really much about this yet, but - personality disorders occur even without previous trauma, there is also some genetic component involvef. I believe the symptomes can be lessened so it won't be affecting your life as much, with the help of a skilled therapist.
.

Yes I was diagnosed with Dissociative disorder (derealization)
But dissociating is pretty common in prolonged sexual abuse. Yes I agree about lessening the symptoms. My trauma therapist has helped a lot. And I'll check into that blog. Sounds very interesting.